I can’t stop thinking today and cause my thinking goes from one thing to another it doesn’t allow me to addres one single thing cause I automatically starts thinking of something else, so I’m gonna just write down some of the things that I think cause hopefully and apparently that does help with things?
(1) I need a job but I just can’t see that ever happening no more. I have only had this feeling for the last 3 years.
(2) I don’t really have anyone to talk to face to face but I know a lot of that is my fault cause I’ve stopped going out to see the few friends I have or did have cause I just feel like I don’t want to dampen peoples moods and I don’t want people feeling down cause of me.
(3) ive stopped trying to seek professional help cause i feel there ain’t anything out there to help me, I’ve seen so many people and the more people I see the more I feel let down by the system that’s suppose to help people like me. And no I’m not saying it doesn’t help everyone, I’m talking about my experience.
(4) when I was first diagnosed with depression I agreed with it and I’m sure I did have it, but the last 3 years or so I know I feel different to what I was like back then and if I’m honest I don’t think I have depression no more and I think my low moods now are cause I’m just not happy with the world we live in for lots of reasons.
(5) I can’t stop thinking of my ex cause we had been together for over ten years, we did have a toxic relationship cause in that ten years we have split up over 200 times easily which sounds crazy I know, but I am determined this time that I don’t want to go back to that no more, I’m fed up of arguing and having that feeling of upset and more importantly cause I have 2 kids with her I’m not going to put the kids through this no more 
I’m gonna stop there for now but there are still plenty of things that I could put on this list which I will probably continue later When I can and when I’ve written down everything that’s on my mind I can try and sort them out one by one later, I think that’s a good place to start? I don’t really know but we will see? At least it’s keeping me occupied for now, and honestly just what I wrote so far feels like it as lightened my load
Very tearful had enough
**Trigger Warning** Feeling suicidal 
How can you just forget your past
Am i wasting my time?
When to go to the Emergency Psych Center?
