**Trigger warning** Every Single Day....

[Roaryl]

Get thoughts off just planning my own funeral most days. when I feel down about every other day, Everyone keeps asking me what happened to mark and the flash backs would start ,it just destroys me inside and the only thing helps is self harm will ease the pain.. Constantly feel hopeless that everyone is better of without me, hate every single bone on my body and everytime i try and something my mood changes. Make the effort most days but most morningsb i just ache, cant stop punching wall/cabinet (most days) and have thoughts of hurting myself everyday. Feel very angry with Charlotte and Cameron, angry with my mum as she won't tell me any news about dad. Why can't I just jump in a coffin early why does people want me here ? What's their to live for? It seems a really boring life ! Deep down I'd rather have no contact with Sarah unless she see me, I'm sick of everything. I no, I agree I need help but just dread to go my appointments because every time I go I'm in crisis. I don't even get what's the point in living, may as well just die now and be happy because I prefer to be asleep than awake.

[MAS_Nurse]

Hi Roaryl,

We are listening and are here for you. I can see that you have not been on the forum for a while, can you update us a bit more on what's been happening to you, and why you are feeling so desperate? Have you had a chat recently with your GP or MH Team? Maybe it's time to have a medication review and therapy options, what do you think? Just a little reminder to please put a ** Trigger Warning** prefix to your posts if the content could cause other vulnerable members to feel uneasy. I'll pop it in for you this time.

Please hold on and do not give up hope. If there is no one at hand you can contact:

The Samaritans Tel: 116 123 [24 hours line]

NHS: 999 [Emergencies]

NHS 111 [Non-Emergencies]

SANEline Tel: [phone] [4.30pm – 10.30pm daily] sane.org.uk/

MIND UK charity: Helpline Tel: [phone] [e-mail] Text: 86463 mind.org.uk/information-sup...

Also, MIND has a link to:

Life Signs on First Aid for Self-injury and harm, to keep yourself safe and administer first aid to yourself:

lifesigns.org.uk/first-aid-...

NICE (National Institute for Clinical Excellence) NHS Guidelines on the management of self-harmers

nice.org.uk/guidance/cg16

NHS Choices: nhs.uk/conditions/self-inju...

Your life is valuable and important. We are listening and care about you. Ok folks, what can you advise to help this member?

Stay safe!

Best wishes,

MAS Nurse

[Roaryl in reply to MAS_Nurse]

I've been constantly seeing my drs every 2 weeks as he put me on fluoxtine 40mg and phengran when needed (2) most but no longer have phengran, he will not supply anymore as its only short tern. Im seeing him on 15/08 but he cant do much more for me until i see the mental health team in september (earlist i can get in) or go in A&E and freak out at every staff. Ive been raped twice and 3 escaps. I currently see someone once a week but this week i cant as shes on a course and i have always been in a bad situation. I cant cope just let me go

[Hidden]

Roaryl

MAS NURSE

Has given you a telephone list of other places that can help you

Have you lost your Father ? or is He in hospital ?

Reading your second script, you say you were raped, it is important this is reported to the Police and the person (s) get arrested.

You see your GP on the 15/08, could you phone first thing in the morning, Surgeries get cancellations and it may be possible you could get an earlier appointment !. Ask for the best time to call so you can get a cancellation. It will be easier if you take any GP in the Practice.

If you need to address your urgent fears, attempting or considering harm and you need help contact Tel 111 NHS INFORMATION they can arrange a visit by the Crisis Team and also can arrange an early appointment with your GP. They can also contact your Mental Health Team if required

BOB

[EmmyLoop]

Hey I'm so glad you contributed today. You seem to be in a really difficult place and unfortunately, I can relate to ALL of it especially feeling like life is boring and pointless. You go to appointments that should be helpful and positive, but you're always in crisis so you associate the appointments with something negative. You probably feel stagnant and afraid instead of feeling like you're making progress. I totally get it! On MORE THAN ONE occasion, my subconscious mind didn't want to have to deal with the feelings therapy brings up, so on my way to my therapy appointment, I obliviously drove right into a parking lot and went clothes shopping! It wasn't until I came out of the store, nearly two hours later, that I realized I missed my freaking therapy!

How many and/or how long have you been going to these appointments?

So glad you're here,

Emmy

[Roaryl in reply to EmmyLoop]

Ive been like this for a good 7 years and ive got to the point why am i still here, my first ever appoiment was when i was 16 then i got moved to another place and then to another place. I have been waiting for a good 7 years for the right medication but i feel better since starting these tablets but not sure if its the right stregnth. Im lost for words cant even speak out

[EmmyLoop]

Hi Roary,

I apologize for the delay getting back to you. I'm going through something that is unbelievably difficult, so it's hard to focus. I will try to respond much faster in the future. Has anything transpired in the past week? Any changes in feelings or mood?

[Ploramicas]

I prefer to sleep rather than be awake too. I feel connected to you in that way. The way you punch walls i just cry until theres no tears left. It helps to talk to people that wont judge you. You are feeling like this because you are strong, if you were weak you would go about to ur life without any second thought like a zombie, but you have a heart. Keep being strong, much love to you