I’m over it...

[Jaysee7]

So, between work, husband, immediate family-people in general, I’m over it. It’s so long and tedious and typical complaints I suppose, so at the moment I’ll spare details. It’s not that I WANT to die, it’s just that I don’t want to be here anymore. I work, do charity work, assist my family-short of being their crutch (except my mother)- am very empathetic, interested in EVERYTHING, appreciate and respect things that are not necessarily my personal acceptances, am a loving mother to 18+over children who. I’ve done my job in teaching them the importance of humanity, persona choices and consequences for decisions & I’m married to a attentive, providing handsome man, and by all accounts, yes, it absolutely could be worse. People are resilient to astonishing levels of what we can comprehend as humans so this may sound silly for someone who seemingly should just “suck it up and get it together!” Ha. I JUST DONT WANT TO BE HERE ANY LONGER. PERIOD. I’m over being” the bigger person”, “ accepting deal breakers of my morals” , etc etc. I don’t want to keep fighting, dealing, navigating around things/ people, flexing to bad habits, defending how I let others treat me, the list goes on. (I may get into detail later about specific things, but this is it for now so apologies if I’m not making sense). Anyway, allll of this being said, here are some of my realistic, conscious, honest facts: I KNOW GOD is real, I do NOT hate myself,& I feel like this life isn’t “it”. So: is it REALLY wrong for a human to just want to check out of this life?

[sweetiepye]

Hi jaysee , At one point in my life I could have written that post and in some ways I still could. I am always secondary or less to someone and I fully realize I do it to myself. I am trying to teach myself a different way of living , of reacting , doing things my way. It feels crazy teaching yourself to be yourself, but there it is. People do not take kindly to me putting myself first so there's an added burden, but I am determined to have something of life for me. Pam

[Strongheartforever]

I echo Pam’s thoughts. I relate to what you wrote. And I think laying that thought out here is the first step in overcoming the hopelessness. We aren’t allowed to have that thought in the real world. And yet, we do. Acknowledging it is healing. I will say I’ve been there with the dark thoughts and I’ve learned it’s partially due to hormone imbalance. BHRT may help you. You may want to find a compounding pharmacy near you and look into how they can help you get balanced. Thyroid problems also disguise themselves as depression. Adrenals and cortisol can wreck your life too. Magnesium, b vitamins, testosterone, progesterone and thyroid meds might just bring back the old you. Also, today just read a post about TMS therapy and then looked it up. It’s a magnetic device that is placed on the head to produce activity in the left frontal lobe of the brain, where mood is located. It’s covered by insurance. I’ll be looking into it further. It looks really hopeful, non-invasive and effective!! Just some thoughts.

[Jaysee7 in reply to Strongheartforever]

Thank you both for your responses and I will check into some of the suggestions. Much appreciated. Not trying to be a whiner, I’m just so tired of going through the motions. Anyway, thank you both again. Have a blessed night.

[123ag in reply to Jaysee7]

I know you posted this a few months ago (only just come across your message) so things have maybe changed since then anyway. Sounds like you have spent your whole life looking after everyone else and have done such a good job of it to. Time now to look after yourself and be happy with what you have done. Easier said than done I'm sure and I can easily see myself in your position in a few years time.