Mental Health Support
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I need someone to listen to me

Hi, I'm new to his site, I've been looking for someway to get help with depression rather than taking pills. I have gone through some bad things over the last few years, this has left me in a bar way. Firstly my partner of 10 years beat me up and stabbed me, following this I lost my dog (I know this seems triviall to some but he was my saviour), I adopted another dog only to be told that my mum had got cancer, she only lasted 3 months from been told, I am the eldest girl so I was expected to be strong for everyone so unable to dry or discuss with anyone, I have no partner and not very good on telling how I feel, this was last year, my mum died on June 9th, in August I woke up and was in so much pain in my leg I could hardly walk, I have been suffering this and still am, I just want to sit and cry all the time. I don't want to do anything, this is affecting my work as I can't get back into it. I need someone who wants to listen and cares enough to say I know you are trying but you need help. I just need someone somewhere to help me.

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Hi A-I-g,

My name is Summer I’m bi polar depressed. I can understand your story completely especially your dogs. I’m so very sad and sorry💔. I love animals. I lost my little girl in October I still cry. She was a mini poodle named baby-Luv. She was only 11. It was a tumor. She went fast. Now her mom the same of course mini people has congestive heart failure and only has weeks. I feel your pain they are such a comfort to us. I’ve lost so much the past two years and broke my neck and had a terrible surgery recovering I fell and broke my back. I’m waiting on a date for that surgery so I can relate to pain. My ex husband took my sons and I haven’t seen them in a year. I want to die. I made an attempt in December but failed. The pain runs so deep it’s hard to breath. I’m so sorry for your losses of such great companions and love. I understand. My prayers are with you wherever you are.

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I am so sorry for all you have gone through, don't give up. My dog was a German shepherd he was 13 I was stabbed my my partner tyring to protect him, when I had to make the decision at the vets it was the hardest moment of my life, I cried for days hoping I'd made the right decision, but my mum was there for me telling me I had to put him before me and it was the only decision that could be made, when they told us she had cancer it was as though my life had just stopped how had this happened she only had a cold within a few months she was dead how could this happen to me. However from what you have told me you are in a place that is so unimaginable, how can anyone stop you seeing your children, with what has happened to you your X should be more supportive and allow your children to be with you. They will end up having him for this believe me. Please don't do anything to hurt yourself we are all here for you if you need to talk just let me know. My thoughts are with you keep safe x

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Thank you so much for your supportive and kind words. I hope you aren’t with that man anymore. We have very similar hearts when it comes to animals. I feel it’s because they need our protection from the scum in this world. I can assure you that you made the right decision for your precious dog. I used to work for a vet. The hardest part was putting down an animal when it was his/ her time. But what broke my heart more was when a person would take the animal so sick in pain literally bleeding from its eyes selfishly home alive to suffer out it’s few last days or maybe a week. That was worse. It sometimes appears the vet is just going off of nothing we aren’t especially with blood work or an x-ray we know where that animal is at inside. It’s so hard I still wake crying when they took my Baby Luv. But I know I did the right thing! I feel in my heart you did too! I hope you find comfort in these words sometimes it helps with underlying guilt. I know I had it until I told myself what I just wrote to you. I will know when it’s time for her mother too! I monitor her heart her breathing and her abilities to get around. I’ll do it no matter how painful it is to lose these precious creatures. My sons well that’s a whole other level my ex is a powerful man and has to be the biggest Narcissist I’ve ever known in my life! The worst part is he’s punishing me because he knows he made a mistake! But he left me for a woman or shall I say child just a few years older than one of my sons. She’s 26 years younger than him. So sad, for him! I’m so devastated sometimes I feel there is absolutely no reason to go on at all! I raised them both he was never around. My heart is broken beyond words. My blood pressure is dropping so low they can’t figure out why! I was in the ICU last week for a week it was 47/32. I told them I was dying of a broken heart they sort of laughed not mean but like drs thinking impossible. They still can’t find the reason but I know why.

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Hi

You are so right, the heart is a powerful tool and if it gets broken a plaster will not fix it, believe me your children will start asking questions and when the time is right they will come to you for the answers not your ex. I had mine put in prison for what hedid, I haven't seen him since, only problem is it makes it hard to trust after such a bad experience. You have very reason to go on YouTube a beautiful son that some day will want to sit with you and want to get to know you don't let your ex take this from you. I felt that there was nothing forme anymore after my mum, however I do have a daughter and 2 lovely grandchildren, it's not the same as coming home to someone and talking through you day whether it be a good day or bad, I don't want them to tell sorry for me so I haven't told them the pain I've been going through. You seem like a very strong person and like me put your animals welfare first no matter how hard it is to let go you won't see them suffer. Your son's will be proud of you when they have taken the time to listen to your side rather than you ex's and they will. You take care of yourself, I hope your heart heals enough to help you keep going to see what beautiful son's you have.

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Thank you so much for everything you said. I feel hopeless about my children. They actually aren’t even children that’s the scariest part in this they are 20 and 23. I was married to him for 25 years and remember the control he had over me throughout our marriage. It helps me put things in perspective with them. I know someday, I pray. I’ll have my day to speak. I just feel if I say to much it will only make it harder on them. I don’t want that because they’ve been through enough pain. I’ve gotten to such a pathetic place I say “ I’d give a body part just to lay eyes on them” I don’t literally mean it of course but it’s how strong I feel. How badly did he hurt you? Was he actually going after your dog? I’m a little confused. What a nightmare it must have been I’m sure you must have some ptsd. My ex used to beat me. He broke my nose and other things. I actually had to wait for it to heal broken before they rebroke it to fix it. I was told I was lucky it didn’t collapse. Both my sons were in diapers. I understand that type of abuse of you ever need to share. Ty again for your kindness.

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Hi sorry only just got back to you, had a flood in the kitchen, sorted now. My ex was attacking me and the dog was so frightened that he was shaking and trying to get through the door to get away, he went to grab the dog and I got in front of the dog to stop him hitting him so he through a knife at me, it wasn't too bad but enough to get him 3 years. Sorry for all you have gone through it must have been hard to have his happen with children in the house. Someday you'll get to give your side of what happened to your son's they have the right to know what you suffers. Well up and going to work just to go through the motions, speak later. Take care

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Thank you for answering back. I didn’t get this message again thank you for sharing and being supportive. I hope to see you on later. Have a good day!

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I'd recommend joining Anxiety UK. When you're a member you can get counselling very quickly and on a sliding scale depending on income. Their rates are very good. I had a counselor within two weeks of joining and our sessions take place via Skype online so you can stay in the comfort of your own home, or have the choice to visit the counselor face to face. It's up to you. It's so fast so good for me. They also supply details of local support groups. You can use the service if your main symptoms are depression, but as most of us know deptession and anxiety are two sides of the same coin. Good luck.

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Thanks for he advice

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Hi you have been through some awful experiences and it's no wonder you are feeling so bad. I know you don't want pills but how about counselling? This should be able to help you.

I lost my mother 5 years ago this year and it still hurts. To me every June is a washout as her birthday was 4th June, she died on the 19th and her funeral was the 28th. I hate June now.

So sorry about your beloved dog too. I love dogs but am a cat person and it's horrible when you have to put your wonderful pets down and have been there several times. My sister had a fantastic dog called Millie. She was a black lab/collie cross but looked like a small lab. She had the collie behaviour - ball obsession, barking, the intelligence etc. She was the first dog I had ever really known and I loved the bones of her. I took her out every day and we went everywhere, the beach, local dog areas and ones further afield. Last year in April at the age of 7 she just dropped dead. No warning nothing and she hadn't even been ill. My sister and I were heartbroken and blamed ourselves. We still haven't got over the shock of it and she said she can never have a dog again as she is terrified of the same thing happening.

I have probably depressed you even further now but it can be cathartic to share can't it. I think it does help knowing you are not alone and others understand how you are feeling. As far as your mother goes I am wondering if you are stuck in the grieving process? This can take years though as there is no set time on grief. Remember your mother would want you to be happy and is looking down on you keeping you safe. x

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Thank you for your kind words

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Oh I want to add one more thing. I only ever half believed this sort of thing until it happened to me.

My mother had a plant called a day lilly. It has big flowers on it which only ever opened for one day. Well this plant hadn't flowered for 4 years so my mother thought it was dead and when she went into a care home my sister looked after it. 2 weeks before the first anniversary of her death a small bud appeared - just one. The flower opened on the exact date, just the one flower. We were amazed and said thanks mum we know you are ok know. The 3rd anniversary the exact same thing happened. I hope your lovely mum sends you a sign too. x

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Hi Aig how are you today?

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Hi

I've gone to work today, with all that is going on at work it keeps my mind busy, if anyone asks how I am I just want to burst into tears so I tend to avoid anything that isn't work related when in conversation, this means that I sit alone during lunch breaks, I just wish I knew how to stop feeling like this, thanks for being there for me. How are you today, are you feeling any more positive, how is your dog doing?

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Hi. I'm so sorry for all you have gone through. My story also is like that. One thing after another. I have so much I could share w you. I've written many times to people on this subject of clinical depression. And panic and anxiety. It's painful. It's horrible. But. I have been free of it for twenty years. . I've been in bad relationships. I've lost loved ones. Ect ect. Please write to me. I'm here. I can help you. Don't give up. Try to rest. And also. Eat and drink water. And pray. The physical pain from depression is quite unique. And seems to come from nowhere. So many of these things start in our mind. I have been there. And if u need me. I'll listen to you and write back. God bless

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