I haven't left my house in nearly a year i do go to my hospital appointments but that's it . On the 5th of may it was a year since my mum past way and I keep replaying the morning she died . I got up with my son at 6 am for school I said bye at 7 and instead of going in to my mum I could hear she was still breathing through the door I went back to bed I was so tired I got up at 8 mum had past away I wasn't with her she was on her own I will never forgive myself . When the nurse came I made myself help her to get mum washed and changed , the last time my mum needed me I was asleep I let her down . I would give anything to spend those last moments . I miss her so much , yes I have bpd and ms and I'm in pain most of the time , I think it would be easier to give up I've no fight left in me . We have been through so much the past year and I still can't see a light at the end of the tunnel .