This is my first post finding this site... I've suffered from depression for 2 years since the breakdown of my marriage, my choice, we are both good with each other but somehow I slipped into depression. My meds have been going up since I first started so I made some big decisions and moved 250 miles back to family with my 2 kids and start fresh. On the outside everything is great, on the inside things are just feeling worse. I've made a good decision I feel I'm in a lovely house, kids are doing amazing with new school and friends, I have a less demanding job but I think what's hurting is the loneliness. I don't feel I can be myself with anyone. No one understands depression and cos they are all family they all want to help but can't. My mum found me laying in a ball on the floor hysterical crying hurting myself with the closest thing which was a screw and then I think she realised the truth. It's not just being in tears more often it's a total brain mess. I've had to seek help online and called the samaritans to know that this is all ok and I'm going to be ok. After my mum found me like that I was dragged to the doctors and my meds are on the highest they can go along with another tablet to take twice a day and I'm being referred for therapy. I just want to feel like I am getting better but it's just getting worse. Even suffering panic attacks only just within the last few months.
When will I ever feel better?
Written by
Jodieee
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Perhaps I could add a little to my reply. In your situation which is all too common n these days the most important thing for the sake of the children is that you regain your health. Your happiness and getting that back is also important as it means you will be able to give your children a much better environment.
You do say if I'm reading your post correctly that you and your husband were good with each other and presumably with two kids you were married for quite a few years. No one out side a marriage knows what goes on inside it but I do wonder if part of your unhappiness ,having made what you feel is the right move , is possibly due to subconscious guilt at having removed the children from their father (250 miles is quite a way). Ideally children need both if circumstances permit but if there can only be one ,in most cases the mother is probably more important. That does n't mean the father counts for nothing.
Perhaps contacting your husband to make his access to the children occasionally easier might make you feel better. It could of course make things more difficult , only you can know and make this judgement but whatever you decide I do hope it works out as well as possible for you and the children.
Well.I'll have to be a bit controversial. A breakdown of a marriage is a pretty serious business , much more serious than our modern society fully seems to comprehend. First of all I hope you'll be alright and more importantly the children will be.
You don't have to be a rocket scientist ( or perhaps you do ) to realise that mating has hundreds of thousands of years of evolution as background ,and for good reason. Most animals mate and have at least annual loyalty ,and a lot mate for life. Human society has "progressed" to the point where this evolutionary and basic way of living can be discarded at almost the drop of a hat.There are sometimes good reasons as to why it can and should be discarded. Domestic violence by either party, abuse of children, and sabotage of the relationship by alcohol, gambling,adultery etc. Those things aside , normally husband and wife are tied together in a close way, financially, emotionally, and culturally you thrive or fail to thrive ,in a unique linked way, and to end this is not surprisingly an emotional earthquake. At least it was your decision which helps you. The "victim " whether male of female who did n't make the decision is liable to suffer even more, possibly being scarred for life.
From where you are now I think that things will improve for you very soon as time starts to heal you. Your Mum did you a big favour in dragging you to the doctors and lets hope that you have been lucky in the medications prescribed (its a bit of a lottery-medical science is pretty weak on depression) but either way now that you are back with family I think that very shortly you will start to feel better and even if the medications are not quite right for you they will help. I have no idea why or how your marriage broke up but assuming you were equally to blame ,which is usually the case, I hope ,if you feel its justified that you'll at least spare a thought for your husband who lost probably his best friend and has had his children removed 250 miles away. As you'll guess I'm male but hopefully I'd feel and say the same were I female.
Depression and anxiety are not nice and I do hope they leave you soon and never recur once you are over this spell of trauma.
I have to say I agree with Olderal, I feel people give up on their marriages too soon. Do you blame your Husband for your depression ? For whatever reason, I think depression just happens and the important thing is getting over it. You need to build a support group to help you do this. I think on some level you needed to get your Mother's attention, and you also should stop pretending everything is alright on the outside . Nothing is healthy if the center is comprised, not even an apple. Don't pretend anymore. It may get worse before it gets better, but you'll see a difference once you've been in therapy for awhile. To better days, Pam
Thank you,Pam, I thought I would be attacked by the Amazons for writing what some could have taken as a male rant , as happens so often. It certainly was n't meant to be gender orientated but its so difficult as a male to write something that will be taken as gender neutral, so mine is a very sincere thank you.
You are very welcome. I think we've lived through this getting a divorce willy nilly that we know it isn't working out as expected. Truth will out . Hang on, Pam
It will get better you must be positive now. When ever you feel lonely go and do some house work, or gardening go for a run. This is your life and you need to take charge of it. Lots of love keep strong you have two beautiful children that needs their mum.xx
Thank you for your replies. I should point out that my ex husband moved from down south up to Glasgow for a new job then I decided to move.
I do not blame my ex husband at all. and as you said there were things on both sides including domestic violence but I know for a fact the reasons why it broke down are not a cause for what's going on inside. It's more the aftermath. What I do feel that is I was 16 when we got together, pregnant at 19, married at 20 then divorced at 28. I feel like I'm trying to find my own way in the world and know what it's like to be alone and it's just taking its time.
Is there really a medicine for depression? I think I need to take that too. I am not in the position on giving you advice because I am in pain too. We are struggling depression in different form so maybe if it still sound awkward, I'll try to make you feel good by telling you a story.
My parents are not married. They have been together for 30 years. I do not really know the significance of marriage but I do respect it as it is written in the bible as "sacred". I don't say that marriage is not important, what I am trying to imply is, it is just a paper contract signed by both parties who promised to be together for better or worse for life. But due to some unavoidable circumstances that life brings, this called sacred marriage can be expired which is approved by human law. I am sorry to hear about your divorse. My question is, did you get divorsed because the love became one sided? I do not know exactly the reason of breaking up on your marriage but if your partner considered it and accepted it, you need to move on. You have your kids with you. Make them your inspiration to be strong and face your life. For sure, they will feel hurt once they know that you are in pain. If you still love your ex-husband, it is normal but always remember that it takes time for the wound to heal. What exactly do you feel now? are you feeling sorry because of having a broken marriage? If yes, don't be. That is life. We need to accept things and try to be strong because when an ending comes, a new beginning arises. Do your best for your kids! Be strong for them. Getting back to my parents, do you know that my mother was heart broken for three times? She had one kid for each man she used to love and just ended up raising them alone. Until she met my father. My mother once told me, "Son, my life was really hard but I had to accept it and move on because I have kids who need me most". My mother is turning 60 and I feel bad about myself because until now I haven't fulfill my duty on giving her the best. Making her experience the comfort of life because I know that the wounds that she had in the past could have healed but the scars remains. What I am trying to do is to make her happy all the time. Make her eat what she really wants to eat, go to places she really wants to go to, experience things that she hasn't done and wanted to do. But I do not really have the means for now to make these things possible. I hope that you will feel better. I hope that you will be happy with your kids. Just leave things that happened in the past and live your life now. You have the means or resources to make yourself busy to forget things that hurt you most. Try to look around you. Try to compare your situation to others. You are still blessed. You have a stable job, you have healthy kids, you have a comfortable shelter, you can eat thrice a day, you can watch movie whenever you want to, you can do things to make you feel better, just try to do it. God bless you.
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