ANGER CONTINUED

Another post continuing from my last post. i am trying so fucking hard to calm the fuck down and look at my mind objectively. my ex of 3 years broke up with me last november and although i have spoken to friends about this i feel that i am constantly supressing all of my real feelings towards the relationship + break up and that i don't feel comfortable fully venting to any of my friends or anyone i know. when i feel this intense, pissed off, confused, frustrated and angry all i can do is sit by myself but this makes the situation so much worse as i start to get all the feelings described in my last post. I don't know if its just all the experiences over the years really getting to me and bringing out parts of me with i hate (i hate most of myself anyway) and i am not allowing my true raw feelings to come out because they have always been made to be invalid by my peers, friends, boyfriends, family etc. etc. I hate how my brain uses this anger, stress and tenseness as some sort of coping mechanism to stop me from expressing my true raw feelings??? I have no fucking clue anymore. I work SO HARD at my mental health problems, go to counselling, seeing a psychologist next week, try to talk to a close friend and open up and yet i still feel so out of control and i am terrified of myself. I don't feel like i own myself. I feel triggered when im seeing a guy because the way i act around romantic partners is the same as all my other abusive relationships, especially the last one. I think its all self-inflicted anger? because i don't want to act out on anyone or hurt anyone, i just want to hurt myself? its like im constantly punishing myself for having any sort of feelings or for reacting to situations that upset/anger me when other people wouldn't be affected?

[Hidden]

Sounds like you are harboring self-hate? This can definitely conflict your life and relationships. Please look up "self-love" and ways to love yourself, dear! It is something I am working on as well because my parents taught me to hate myself my whole life. I wish the best for you!

; )

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your reply 💖. I’m also trying that as well, it’s so difficult to build yourself up when all you’ve known is negativity. It’s like building my sense of self and individuality right from the start because I’ve always been so insecure about how I am. Self-hate and anger are the most difficult things to deal with and overcome for me personally.

[RAB888]

Hi

It sounds like you are suffering with extreme stress at the moment( along with depression and anxiety) I used to feel like that too. When your mind is running overtime and you've got way too much thinking going on that you can't think clearly.

We can all go through times like this, when nothing seems to go the way we want it to.

When we have too much thinking about everything all at the same time, our minds are like a snow globe all shaken up. It's only when you can allow your mind to settle....and the snow globe becomes clear...that you have more clarity of thinking

I became much calmer...and all the other mental health issues dropped away...after I came across a new understanding of where the human experience comes from and learning about the nature of thought