How do I stick to the positive side of me?

[gkskfangs]

At this point, I don't talk to anyone about how I feel anymore because there is always a huge guilt following right after I did it. Feels like I'm burdening people with the nonsense of my life. People are busy, and I'm just one of the very lots of existence in their lives. But things been bottling up a bit so I decided to write here for a bit as a way of letting things out a bit.

It has been a few months since the last time I was here. I thought I was recovering. I've tried exercising. Eating balanced diet. Getting enough water. Drawing and writing stuff. Currently am living with my parents, working just nearby as a sub teacher and even doing extra jobs on weekends for the sake of distraction and 'getting myself busy'. I'd work myself until I feel like breaking to reach that self-satisfaction.

But it still comes back.

I feel like everything has been pretty much contradicting. There are times where I'd feel okay with nothing to worry, like whoosh my confidence is on top and nothing worries me, but not so long after that I'd get this huge fear that everyone will hate me and leave me (I even bothered my best friend by texting her not to leave me at 2am, leaving me feeling even worse for disturbing her sleep). There are days when I'd feel great facing my students and teach successfully, but then there will be those days when I get nervous and I couldn't talk, I'd end up letting them do self-study the whole period, making me feel more like a crap of a teacher. I can't really explain if this is social anxiety or just normal anxious feeling that every people experience. Sometimes when my boyfriend tells me he loves me I truly feel grateful, but the next time he says it I feel doubts and keep imagining one day this will end for sure and nobody will love me anymore.

There are more instances to this matter but I'll keep it simple.

The fact that I'm feeling very differently about the same thing at different times is bothering me. Sometimes, A would trigger me, but sometimes A would do nothing to my mood. How do I stick to the side of me that's very positive and confident?

I'm sure I'm not the only one with this problem, so I'm wishing that everyone would keep holding on even if there's just a little bit of strength that's left inside you. Thanks for reading, it eases me up to believe that at least few would read this to the end.

[MAS_Nurse]

Hi there,

I note from your profile that you joined this forum so time ago, but this appears to be your first post to us, so welcome to our supportive community! Well done for taking a brave step out of your comfort zone to reach out for help. Hopefully you will find folks here are only too willing to come alongside you and share from their personal journeys and experiences. You are obviously having a difficult time right now, and I wonder if you can access through your doctor some talking therapies? This may help you to explore unhelpful, negative patterns of thinking and behaviour, and help you to change your mind-set to a more positive one where you are in control of your thoughts and emotions.

Do check out our Pinned Post section for free mental health guides, international crisis support helplines etc. I note you live in Malaysia so here is a link for more information in your country: shawmindfoundation.org/supp...

Keep in touch! Ok folks what can you suggest to help this forum member, and especially if anyone lives in Malaysia and can signpost them to local mental health support?

Best wishes,

MAS Nurse

[gkskfangs in reply to MAS_Nurse]

Thank you. Actually I'm still figuring out how to go for therapies here but at the same time can't help feeling anxious about going as well.

[Hidden]

Hi.

Wanted you to know. Read your post.

Have you tried any therapy,

I understand what you say about not talking to people about it, I feel guilty doing so too. Feel like people are too busy for me, and I don’t wish to burden them 😞 I’ve found therapy helpful, I’m not sure what the situation is in Malaysia, with how you would go about it.

Also meditation really helps me, you tube has such a big choice. Jason Stephenson is someone I tend to listen to.he does meditation for everything, I’m sure there would be some positivity ones too.

I have been to Malaysia some time ago. I enjoyed time there.

Best wishes 🌺🌺🌺

[gkskfangs in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for reading. There are days I feel like I really want to go for therapies but then something in me would stop me. But I'm looking up on how it goes here, going for therapies so maybe soon I'll get the strength and go for one. That way, I won't burden the people around me who are clearly clueless in how to deal with me who sometimes rants while crying.

Ah also, good to know you enjoyed your time here!

x

[Hidden in reply to gkskfangs]

Yes therapy helps.

You can of course talk to us anytime as well.

🌺🌺🌺

[WantToChange]

Hi. I read your post right to the end. It seems like you go from one extreme to the other. Everyone's confidence comes and goes, it's impossible to be constantly happy and confident 100% of the time. It's part of what makes us human and we need to recognise that. But what you can maybe look at is going from one extreme to the other. We all have bad days where we don't want to face the world ad we all have self doubt. I know how especially hard that is for teachers.

So what you need is techniques to help you be more stable as opposed to swinging back and forth between different extremes. Have you heard of CBT? This could help you a lot. You have to go through your GP to get it. This is the best advice I can give. Although if you made it as a teacher, then you're doing pretty well and must be strong to some extent

WTC x

[gkskfangs in reply to WantToChange]

Being a teacher feels like I need to be perfect every day, because none of those young students would understand if one day I'm cheerful and the next day I'm cranky. I had to pretend that I'm cool and fine, and by the end of the day I'd be super worn out, feeling guilty I couldn't approach and teach my students sincerely.

Ah yes, I've heard about CBT. I also think I might need that. I guess I'll really need to go for some therapies.

Thanks a lot! x