I don't want to do anything

[Sceptic23]

Exactly as the title says. From going to work, seeing friends, cleaning the bathroom, making my bed, flossing. It's like I'm just not interested in my own life anymore. I'm overweight and attending Slimming World, but now I feel no achievement in that either and slowly going back to overeating.

My job is dead end, despite getting me lab experience specific to my degree. But now I'm reflecting on whether I picked subjects I thought were practical rather than what I would love. So here I am, no motivation in my work, lost interest in saving to buy a wee one bed flat for myself (parents were eager that I take advantage of Help to Buy).

I don't like my life right now and want to change it. Trouble is I feel overwhelmingly negative most days and lacking in energy. I do some things, like a dance class once a week, but last time I was still angry from work and brought it to the session, instead of letting go.

How do you pick yourself up when all you want to do is curl up and forget everything?

[mena52]

Hi Septic23 I have to tell you that I suffered depression and anxiety off and on for years and have only felt better now for around 13 months, following lots of counselling and taking anti-depressants. The feelings you describe could be a description of how my life was. It is the nature of the disease I'm afraid but firstly don't be hard on yourself and don't feel guilty if you don't feel like doing anything. Be kinder to yourself and forget all the things you don't want to clean or tidy, or the job you don't enjoy at the moment. These are all painful experiences you have to go through unfortunately to "heal" and feel better. You are moving in the right direction, you are going to the slimming club and you are going to work and a dance class so you are trying to help yourself recover. Unfortunately when depression hits we tend to either overeat or undereat, drink, smoke or spend loads of money shopping for things we don't really need and can't afford. Try and pat yourself on the back and remember you are getting there, just take baby steps, one day at a time and if you stumble and over eat or feel down then allow yourself that, you are only human after all and nobody is perfect. Have you tried talking to a counsellor? It's not for everyone but I found it helped me. You can see one through your doctor though the waiting lists are horrendous but you may get to see one through a local pastoral church or ask around at a medical centre and see if they can point you in the right direction of a drop in centre or even MIND do have some counselling sessions. You sound like you lack confidence in your abilities and again that is the nature of mental illness to knock yourself and think you aren't good enough. You are good enough, we are all in this world for a reason and you have talents and intelligence (you have a degree so you've worked hard). I hope this post has helped you and wish you well. Let us know how you are doing, good luck. xx

[Sceptic23 in reply to mena52]

Thank you for your kind words. I might look into the MIND sessions if possible. Haven't been diagnosed with depression, but have suffered acute reactions to stress before, including thoughts of suicide.

Overeating, overspending, I do it all. But will try taking baby steps to control it as you suggest.

Thank you again. I'm glad you have started to feel better the past several months x

[mena52 in reply to Sceptic23]

Hi Sceptic23 thank you so much for your reply. It does sound like you are suffering with stress burnout, sorry I thought you might have been depressed. When did you last manage to have a holiday? Are you able to have yourself a little break away somewhere? A weekend maybe if you can't get too much time off? I didn't have a holiday for 17 years because I was a single parent looking after young children so I made sure they went away with the school and I couldn't afford to go anywhere or have a social life, one of the reasons for the long periods of depression. I was told of single holidays for people where you could go on your own for a weekend break or more but I was never able to manage it and don't think I would have had the confidence to go. Do you have any hobbies at all that you enjoy and could maybe go to a evening class in or are there any hobbies you'd like to try at evening class? Just a thought.

I also had suicidal thoughts but had to keep reminding myself I had children so wouldn't have done anything. You have parents and friends and other family members who would miss you so much and it is NEVER the answer believe me. If you live in the UK and feel like this please telephone, email or text The Samaritans. They will help you. I phoned them on a few occasions and they were extremely helpful when I needed them and you will never be a nuisance or a burden to them if you feel like that. You will get through this believe me, use this forum too for lots of helpful advice and support and sound off on here if you need to, that's what it is for. Good luck and let me know how things are going if you can at some point. xxx

[WantToChange]

I can't be bothered doing anything either. I can remember the last time I was happy - it was in 2014 for about 8 or 9 months and I haven't been happy since. I've short bursts of hope or change in circumstance that have led to elated feelings. But happiness and looking forward to the future? Nope, I never feel that. I have a degree too and just in dead jobs, one after the other. So I know how you feel. The society is doesn't actually work. They tell us to go to uni but for the majority of people it's just false hope and putting off the inevitable. So I know how you feel. But I don't know how to change it.. The only thing that makes me feel differently is a change in circumstance, like a new job or a new focus. But the feelings eventually come back

[Sceptic23 in reply to WantToChange]

I also get the feeling of being an imposter. As in my mind saying “yeah but nothing is really wrong with you, you’re just lazy/unmotivated, you don’t have any passions, you’re not ill”

Also been told I am an enigma. Hate that term so much because it sounds as if you have no identity and that people don’t really know you.

[Sceptic23 in reply to WantToChange]

Also, know what you mean by a change in circumstance. I need it so much right now, new job or similar.

Is it boredom? Possibly. At least in my case I think I underestimated how much I would miss actually having my brain engaged in new things. Recently it’s a kind of “there must be more than this” feeling, and wondering what would actually make me happy.

I wish I had more answers for you (and myself). You’re right, society dictates uni then an amazing job. I believe education is key but job availability and experience even more so. I’m thinking of going into forensics, but at the same time I’m like, meh why rock the boat, I probably won’t get a decent job after shelling out for a course, I just need a roof over my head and independence.

My head is spinning