First time


I've been suffering from depression for a few years but only found out last year , yes I eventually tipped over the edge and went to the doctors but I didn't go with the intention of admitting that there was anything wrong with me but I sat in the waiting room and sobbed before I went in to see the doctor think maybe I'd just had enough I've changed so much recently and I don't like the person I've become I used to be a really fun person I loved going out on nights out i was confident loads of friends, then well after a bereavement I just became miserable I didn't have a nice word to say about anyone I constantly feel sorry for myself I don't like going out I'm nervous I sweat uncontrollably which stops me going out to parties etc as it's very obvious and I'm very embarrassed by this , I feel like I'm one very mixed up woman ive been taking sertraline now for about 16 months I do feel a bit calmer and don't feel quite as sorry for myself but I also have only what I can describe as a foggy feeling, sometimes I just don't have much emotion at all , I also have this obsession with people liking me and trying to be liked all the time it's ridiculous even driving I'm pulling over letting people past unessarily and I'll apologise when I haven't even done anything wrong just so I don't have any grievances with people I couldn't cope with it playing on mind , I've just read back what I've wrote wow mixed up or what?

12 Replies

  • Hello UpWhereWeBelong reading your post it was almost like I have posted it myself! I so get how you feel and I just wanted to offer my support. I am new here just joined a few seconds ago.

    I too used to be a really fun loving person with everyone else's needs on my mind and I don't like the person I have become either. I'm not saying that I don't think about other people's needs anymore. In fact I tend to put others before myself. It's just as if it doesn't matter as much these days. I have become so negative and very critical. I find the evening and bedtime the worst part of the day. That's when I tend to do all my crying and I hate the crying because I just want to get better I just want to move forward. I get a false sense of security when I think everything is getting the way it used to be and I'm happy and then all of a sudden I will just go down hill and feel really bad. People that I used to love more than anything in the world I don't feel the same about which breaks my heart. It's like the true me does not exist anymore.

    I am on 187.5mg of venlafaxine and although I feel better for my recent increase I still feel really rubbish and sometimes don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I to say sorry and thank you all the time and would for the most part even sacrifice my own happiness for the sake of others.

    I just want to say well done to you and that you are not alone. I hope this community will help me and maybe by meeting other people like you I can start to feel better.

  • We live in a world where if you aren't appearing to be happy all the time - then something is wrong with you. How many people are just wearing a mask?

    It's ok to feel sad, down , unhappy. It's ok when due to extreme stress your brain chemistry gets of of whack.

    It's ok to experience grief for more than a few months.

    You don't say the nature of the bereavement but it's hit you hard. And that's ok. Only you know what you are feeling. Only you can express it.

    We hold ourselves to a standard that's impossible and quite frankly inhuman.

    I'd rather be considered a mad, damaged, fragile human who very clearly has been through stuff than a smooth, shallow robot like human whose knowledge of life is limited to sunny days and rainbows. No, I'm trudging knee deep in icy snow where it's so cold I can't catch my breath. But it's still beautiful.

    Take care and keep posting. You are doing well.

  • Thanks for your reply, I lost my dad very suddenly he had a stroke and died the next day I was only 33 and I really didn't expect to be without him at my age I was a real daddies girl and I miss him so much I think about him constantly :(

  • Well it's only natural that your grieving and struggling. Have you had any grief counseling. It's so difficult to adjust to the loss of your father especially if it was unexpected.

  • I haven't had any counselling my doctor just perscribed sertraline I started off on a low dose but then I had it increased as I didnt feel much difference in myself to be honest I want to stop taking them but I'm scared of the consequences thanks for your reply

  • Go see GP talk about the meds and see if they do counseling - it might be a wait but worth it. See if any grief forums out there that you can join. A lot of people out there struggling with it just like you. It will get better but takes its own good time.

  • Thank you i will x

  • Cruse bereavement charity have volunteers who are trained. They can meet you at your house or somewhere else you feel safe. They have time to listen and are really kind. It's free. There may be a little wait depending on where you live.

  • Welcome, are taking your medication, it is really sad you are still grieving the Bereavement , still, you need to let go of the loss and accept it as apart of both your life and theirs.

    If you were unable to grieve at the time of the death that makes the whole problem worse and you need to address this problem.

    In my past I have suffered many family losses and I have found to discuss the loss with family members and friends of the deceased does work and helps you move on, You need not only talk about the good also the bad, the full spectrum of that person when alive. It does work.

    The longer you leave this problem the feelings of loss do not go away, we never get over the loss we do however begin to remember the persons life and all the good and bad things of living. Remembering that will help, It can take several years to come to terms

    You can ask your GP if you can discuss your condition with someone, a course of CBT may help you discuss your concerns with a CPN. Follow their recommendations and explain why you have suffered your Depression. It sounds like it is not just the Bereavement that has depressed you

    Try hobbies and diversion techniques, if you like sport or some interests you will find that this will help you control your condition.

    Ask about Relaxation Techniques and Breathing Techniques, both do help and help you lift your mood.

    We are always here to help


  • Hello Up , Same story here, I also could have written this post. I am very much better now , but I do have occasional periods of depression. So do be hopeful and focus on the positive. I used to take a medicine that caused me to sweat so you might want to check that out. You could also try putting anti persperant on areas that aren't covered. Keep being nice, nice to yourself. Pam

  • Hi firstly thanks to everyone who sent a reply to my first post it's nice that people understand and can be sympathetic I just wish I could find a happy balance in my life in feel like I'm two completely different people one face for work where I'm always smiling and look like I'm fine which I find easier than going in work sobbing and telling everyone my business, as for the constantly need to please people I wish I could learn to control this i think maybe I'm quite weak in general at the moment and giving in to people and apologising for nothing isn't good but I can't cope with angst with other people don't get me wrong I don't want to be a cold hearted person who shows no emotion but I maybe need to try and see that there is a difference between constantly giving in thank you for reading

  • We all wear that mask, it is easier to do that than talk about what's wrong. It also gives us some period in the day when we are busier and our minds are occupied. Don't beat yourself up for giving in, like you say it's better than being angry, and if it makes life easier for you at the moment there is nothing wrong with it. When you are feeling stronger then you will go back to being the old you, it just takes time. Before you get there just do whatever you can to get through this period of time. No one is going to think less of you because of it.

    Take care x

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