*TRIGGER WARNING* I can’t stop cutting

[Cgymnast19]

When I was younger, every time I did something wrong, my dad would hit and kick me. Since then I have had the mindset of needing to punish myself physically whenever I did something wrong. About a year ago I started cutting myself and I continue to do it regularly. I can’t get myself to stop. At times when I’m having freak outs and my depression is at its worst, it seems like the only resolution and it really calms me down for the time being. It upsets my mom and friends when they see the cuts, but I don’t know how to explain to them that it is something I feel I need to do and talking to them about it is really hard for me.

[Bethany_rachel]

I totally understand I suffer from depression and I self harm to calm myself down but I don't cut I pinch my skin on my shoulders a chest and scratch the inside of my fore arm like a burn. They don't leave marks really but it gives me some relief by turning my emotions into physical pain as the brain finds that easier to deal with. I had therapy which told me to try an elastic band on my wrist and to 'ping' it on my skin when I feel the need to.

[MAS_Nurse]

Hi ‘Cgymnast19’, Firstly we want you know that you are not alone in your suffering, and that there will no doubt be others here who will have experienced the same feelings and coping mechanisms as yourself. Secondly, you will not be judged for what you share or for the actions you've taken to cope.

You will see that I have put a 'Trigger Warning' in your post title. This alerts other members to content which may affect them and gives them the option of choosing not to read it should they wish.

Can you please tell us how old you are now? I wonder if you are receiving any help from a health professional - family doctor, nurse, counsellor - and if not I would strongly advise taking steps to get such help. As Bethany_rachel has kindly told you her experience with a therapist has been good.

I'm not sure where you live but in the meantime I would recommend that you look at the links to online help listed below. Most of these are in the UK but at the very end I have also included a link which will take you to sites in other countries.

the MIND charity site, which has a lot of very helpful information about self-harming:

mind.org.uk/information-sup...

Also, MIND has a link to Life Signs on First Aid for Self-injury and harm, to keep yourself safe and administer first aid to yourself:

lifesigns.org.uk/first-aid-...

The Samaritans Tel: 116 123 [24 hours line]

NHS: 999 [Emergencies]

NHS 111 [Non-Emergencies] NHS Choices nhs.uk/conditions/self-inju...

healthunlocked.com/mental-h...

Please stay safe! Remember too that this is an anonymous, online community and the opinions expressed are personal and well meaning, but we are no substitute for professional medical help and advice.

Keep in touch and we will try to support you as much as we can.

[hypercat54]

Hi this must be awful for you and I am so sorry your father treated you like that. What you are doing though is now taking on the role of 'father' and continuing to punish yourself. What he did to you was very wrong and you were abused as a child. You don't need to carry on punishing yourself you know, in fact you should be doing the opposite ie nurturing yourself instead.

Have you tried getting angry about your fathers abuse instead? Instead of being upset try ramping up your anger for the way he dared treat you. Thump the pillows instead and pretend it's his head you are bashing in! What he did to you wasn't right and what you are doing to yourself isn't either. x