19 weeks pregnant and husbands ocd is stressing me out!

[Dstar]

I’ve just found out that my husbands ocd is caused by my pregnancy. While I acknowledge that he has issues it makes me angry and sad that what should be a good and happy time for me has turned into a stressful time for me. I understand he has ocd but don’t know why he gets angry and me. He says he’s worried about the baby and me but surely his behaviour is causing more harm thank good. Please can anyone who has experienced this advise me on what to do? I’m scared for me and my baby’s mental state.

[sweetiepye]

I take rather a hard line on this He has a family now that needs his love and support Most of us with mental issues still have to step up and be responsible You need to support each other and your child Pam

[Dstar in reply to sweetiepye]

I wish it was that simple. 😢

[sweetiepye in reply to Dstar]

I wasn't implying that it's simple, it certainly is not. I was just giving the bottom line.

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello Dstar, Congratulations on your pregnancy! I do think you need to have a chat to his GP/doctor about this situation, as he/she need to be aware, but should be able to refer your husband for mental health support and therapy. Your frustration and anxiety is very understandable, and this should be a happy time preparing for your new baby. You need to take care of your own mental health needs, so do bring this up not only with your doctor, but the ante-natal team. You and your baby's needs must come first. OCD is horrible, but it can be managed with the right medication and psychological therapy. You might find this information useful about perinatal mental health problems that can affect partners:

mind.org.uk/information-sup...

mind.org.uk/information-sup...

Do keep in touch and let us know how things are going.

Take care,

MAS Nurse

[Dstar in reply to MAS_Nurse]

Hi, I booked him an appointment with his go and have got him referred to a therapist. He took me to one of his appointments a few weeks ago. He thinks I’m not supporting him. I’m finding it hard to support him when I’m getting nothing I return.

Thank you for sending me the links. I’ll have a look through them.

[Betty30]

I wish I were there to have a cup of coffee (or tea!) with you and give you a grandma like talk...but here comes this: PLEASE see a counselor, therapist (not just a clergy member) as soon as possible...This is for YOU and your BABY... Be perfectly upfront and honest with this person, hold back nothing. If ANYONE has a right to be angry--its YOU!! I would say for the 2 of you to see a counselor, but I have a feeling he wouldn't cooperate... I remember well how I used to defend my ex and make all sorts of excuses for him when he acted like a Bad Word..... You have a precious life joining you soon. Do whatever it takes to make it good for you and your child...and that does NOT mean 'taking it all' or being a saintly martyr. Good luck to you! Sending you hugs and love.

[Dstar in reply to Betty30]

I wish I could talk to someone but I don’t want to stress my family out. Your message about giving me a grandma like talking to has put tears in my eyes. I did mention it to my midwife but I’ve seen two different ones that were covering for my actual midwife who is off sick. He is receiving therapy and it was his therapist who said that his ocd is triggered by my pregnancy and while I thought it might be the case deep down it was hard to hear. All of this happened in the same week as my nan passing away so it was a lot to deal. I agree with you I need to take care of me and my baby. Precisely after all of that happening I found I could sleep and being tired caused my sickness to take its toll. I couldn’t keep food or water down for a few days and was admitted to hospital.

[Dstar]

I can’t help but feel angry and have no sympathy for him.

[Betty30 in reply to Dstar]

You have a right...and its natural and normal...please don't feel guilt over any of it... I am glad your husband is seeing a therapist.... I hope you are, too...You genuinely could use a professional 'shoulder' to lean on. Please take good care, Dstar.

[Dstar]

I suppose i see it as there is ocd and then there are your relationships. While the ocd May affect your relationships it shouldn’t affect the foundation of the relationship should it? Ie the love you have for you daughter or love and care for your wife? It wouldn’t turn a kind caring person into a mean selfish person would it?

[LindaHannah]

Hello, I suspect this upsurge is related to his own stress about this, or has triggered this response. Please don't feel bad about being pregnant.

I think he perhaps needs help with this. The problem with stress/anxiety someone's reactions can seem nonsensical, OCD fits into this

If your man has mental support anyway then he could, or he could get a referral for help through the GP. I hope he is able to own this as his stuff and find how to manage this, for now and going forward for when you have the baby and afterwards.

Whilst it might be hard, try not to panic about this. Perhaps in some way accarpting that this is what he does at such times might help to feel less pressured, but he should deal with this if it is overwhelming. Has he been trying to hide it a bit.

Good luck xxx

[clovislorry]

I don't have much more to add that is different to the other replies you've had, but I just want to say that your pregnancy is NOT the cause of your husband's OCD, contrary to your opening post. It was already there and it's your husband's job to find ways of coping with it.

I do hope he can find the help he needs to overcome it and start giving YOU the support you deserve, and both of you finding the happiness you should be experiencing whilst preparing for the arrival of your little bundle of joy.