Mental Health Support
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I just feel stuck

So my life is a wierd one i suffer really bad from anxiety and delression. I come from a normal working family with a wealthy aunt who has helped me see the world and more. So my life is good in general and i always try to do good but things always fall apart around me. 8 years ago i hot a bf at the age of 13 we stayed together for 7 years. I didnt realise but he was actually abusing me physically and emotionly. This got me depressed. I also got very licky as to have a house bought for me. I lost my job and couldnt pay bills once again i got depressed. I left the house and the bf and got a new bf who i love to bits. A year later and we have a 10 week old baby. He started out perfect and just before the baby got here my aunt bought us a house which is due to be completed in novemeber so once again im scares of the money as im uneployed and he is actively seeking full time work. Anyway hes only just told me he has aspergers which i no next to jothing about. Since baby has been here he has changed. Very angry. Scary. Down. Doesnt help. Mean. Nasty. I understand he sees things differently and cant help some things but now i feel so low about everything

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It is really strange how things get thrown at you. You are very lucky to have such a great Aunt and a baby. Is your bf getting help for his aspergers? Maybe you should check and see if there is any help in your area for friends and family of sufferers.

Check what support is available in your area for someone in your situation. There may be some type of return to work help available.

Also why has your bf suddenly changed is he on medication and either not taking it or has it been changed?

I know you are worried that things are getting difficult for you again, but this can all change.

Your bf needs to get help with his condition and you need to think about your baby as well as yourself. Maybe you will need to move into the house on your own with the baby until you bf has got his condition under control again.

You need to take care of yourself and your baby.

I wish you well and that things work out for you.

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He doesnt like talking about it he is a very closed book and refuses to soesk to someone. He did go doctors and they said someone with aspergers who has a baby will find it 10000 times more difficult that someone without it. So he has been acting differently because the stress. Lashing out. Getting angry instantly !! I dont want to be alone x

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Hi I think 20Voices gave you a great reply and I agree with her. If you are short of money when you move in maybe you could take in a lodger? I don't know what country you are in but if the UK there could be lots of help available.x

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I dont want a stranger in the house with a baby x

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Ok

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Do you have a cat?

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No a dog

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There is a reason I asked about the cat. For people trying to make sense of a new diagnosis of Aspergers, I always say to liken it to how a cat behaves. There are more similarities that you'll realise. The need for routine; often temperamental nature; enjoyment of confined spaces and 'safe' places; fear of new people, habit forming; repetitive behaviours. There's a beautiful book you can buy on Amazon called 'All cats have Aspergers' - if you'd be happy to send me your address on a PM, I'd love to buy it for you x

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Did your new boyfriend wait until you'd been together for a year before telling you that he has Asperger's? When you say that he's "lashing out" is he doing that verbally, physically or both?

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We have only been together just over a year. After 2 months of being together i got pregnant. He waited until a couple months ago. So basically he will just be sitting there and we will talk and if i say something he dnt like he turns like a loght switch its just instant. He lashes out verbally. He gets extremely nasty

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You mentioned earlier that he's been to see a doctor. Did this doc refer your boyfriend to any services or organisations that might be able to help him with his anger and Asperger's etc?

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No the doc said if ur looking for a magic pill then there isnt one ! He see another doc who told him to go on walks as its stess related ! It has taken him a long time to go there as he hates the doctors just for them to shrug him away

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A lot of doctors are pretty clueless about Asperger's I'm afraid. If you live in the UK he could try contacting adult social services to see if they can offer any help. Could also try contacting the National Autistic Society (NAS) or talking to your health visitor.

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Also, I wonder if the doctor considered the possibility that your boyfriend might be depressed? Yes there's no magic pill for Asperger's but he might benefit from taking an anti-depressant. Does he do any regular exercise?

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Yes they did say he is very depressed as my bf had like a breakdown. He just cried and cried after he got really angry and said he didnt wana be here. He told the doc and the doc said well if u havnt made plans to kill urself thats good. They didnt offer him anytging. Having someone with Aspergers is extremely hard to live with and i dont know what to do

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Your first considerations are yourself and your baby. You are in fortunate situation of having a wonderful aunt. I have sympathy for your BF but it maybe that he is unable to form long term relationships and you may both have to face this. I think for your BF the first step is to change GP.

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Yes he needs to do that. But we both love eavhother snd he was sooo bice and careing before but since the baby has arrived hes just so stressed and because the aspergers it makes him so different x

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I am sorry what you are going through. My husband has a bit of depression too and gets angry sometimes when he is stressed. Sometimes he would lash out at me if I say something he don't like. As time went by when I noticed he is in a bad mood I avoid certain topics or avoid talking with him. Because I am not sure what I should do. It's a tricky situation and I totally understand what you are going through. Message me if you ever wanna talk. And stay strong for your sweet baby.

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Thank you x things have started to get better now hes getting use to tje routine hes not soo stressed x

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Hi Hollie. I am glad things are better. Even things are better with my husband too. Xx

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