As if being homosexual wasn't hard enough...

[Alexandrabinedell]

I was dating a girl named Laura for over a year and a half, when she told me I wasn't enough for her anymore.

In a fit to show her that I would do anything, be anything to keep the love of ym life by my side I proposed, and she said yes, and I know we are still terribly young, but it was more of a promise ring, well, it was a promise ring, but anyway...

She told me she wasn't ready, that I am ignorant and don't care about her needs, yet I, suffering multiple illnesses to the point of taking my own life on several occasions, read her to sleep every night. She says "Yes but I am the one who calls you even when you hang up on me asking to be alone!" And I thanked her for caring, for trying, but at the same time, there is only so much I can see clearly with this mess of chemicals in my mind.

We have been on and off lately and she's sick of me, sick of this, but she doesn't understand that my illness will take in excess of 10 years to overcome. I've been stuck like this for 7 YEARS! I DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS! I can't overcome this on my own. I'm 17! I have to take 6 pills a day just to be able to think, walk, talk and come home again, and now I have to take more because I am continuously sick.

My mum came in last night and said to me "You're better than this." and I know I should be, I should be strong, but I'm not, I'm weak. I can't do this anymore.

I fear that without help, I will take my own life.

- Ali

[Olderal]

Ali, I don't know who told you that it will take 7 years to overcome your depression altho you don't actually say it is depression. As far as I know there is no way to forecast how long your illness can last or even whether it will recur. 7 years would be an unusually long time and almost certainly it won't last that long.

None of us asked for depression any more than people suffering with cancer, depression, diabetes, disability or any other illness, and while you have it life and relationships will be difficult,to say the least. Its a tough condition. However if you put your best efforts into getting the best medical help you can find, and with the support of family you can come through this as so many of us do.

All of us have felt at some point as you feel but few of us give up.Don't expect it to be easy but so many of us prove that depression can be beaten and eventually one gets better at dealing with it. I don't say this to brag but to give hope. I am 72 and have suffered numerous spells of depression and have now reached the stage where I am confident that I will always be able to beat what it repeatedly throws at me and yes, most of the time I find life very enjoyable and wonderful.

Life is unfair at times and there is nothing that says any one person will not have more than their fair share of trouble and illness.

But you can make a promise to yourself that however unfair life is and how ever much suffering you experience you will be the equal of it and will always come through and survive. You will probably amaze yourself with how strong you can be when necessary.

Although what you are going through sounds awful be certain that many others have experienced worse.

Keep posting and we'll try and give you some practical help and encouragement.

Olderal

[Stilltrying_]

From your profile you are a very troubled young person. Did you see the post I put up about mentalisation therapy? Can you relate to this at all?

Your post is quite confusing as I'm not sure what the homosexual in the title refers to?Are you a girl? (not that it matters but I like to try and make sense of things)

I would say from what I have seen that you are too immature to be trying to cope with a committed relationship ; it would seem like marriage is the last thing you need right now. Why have you attempted suicide five times? Are you getting any help with your problems?

We are here to support but limited information is very difficult to deal with.

Sorry if I have misunderstood but please feel free to fill us in a bit more . I am really sorry that you are feeling so distressed.

Gemma xx

[Alexandrabinedell in reply to Stilltrying_]

I understand.

Yes I am a girl.

It wasn't marriage at all!!!1 It was more a committment thing seeing as she was so very worried I would leave. It's all melting down. I am recieving help but honestly I just don't feel menat for this world anymore

Ali

[Stilltrying_ in reply to Alexandrabinedell]

I'm glad you are receiving help. Please make the full use of it and we are here for support. I'm wondering if you have gender issues as well as sexuality issues as I have known of many people in this situation and it is very difficult, they can get very suicidal being in the wrong gender. I'm just guessing as this may not apply but do hope you're getting help x

[DJB74]

Ali, I hurt for you terribky reading this. My name is David, Im 45 and have struggled much the way you are right now. I believe I can give you some insight through my experiences. In order to better do that, with your permission, I would like to ask you a few more questions, if you would be comfortable with that?