Mental Health Support

Feeling low and anxious at new job

Hi.

So I started a new job and thought I would be having a blast as it is the ideal role I have been looking for. It's a very small, he w company which is a change from my previous job at an established large one.

I have a lot more responsibility but also feel like I have been plunged straight into the deep end maybe. I have been given tasks and asked for opinions on things when I have been there for just a few days and it making me feel inadequate. I feel like I don't have all the information I need yet and am expected to move quickly but having been there less than a week it's scary.

I've made a few small mess ups on each day so far as well and I can see the boss is a bit disappointed which does not help my mood.

I found myself crying tonight and have been feeling quite on edge since the first day.

I do suffer from depression but I've never felt like this so strongly after starting a new job.

Not sure what to do. I keep thinking take it a day at a time but I'm so paranoid I'm gonna make a mistake, which I have been doing everyday so far. This is not like me.

18 Replies
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Hi of course you are going to make mistakes at a new job as no one is able to do it straight away and I am sure your boss wouldn't expect you to.

It is very different working for a small company after working for a large one as you are expected to be more a jack of all trades but I think you will find you enjoy the variety when you are used to it.

My advice is to try and relax and remember why you were chosen for the job over the others. You can do the job so have faith in yourself. x

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hypercat is right , she gives good advice. It occurs to me that you are use to being successful at what you do and now you're not as confident as you usually are. Given time that will come back. I see nothing wrong with telling your boss that you are not comfortable making mistakes and that you will be happy when you know his expectations well enough to avoid those mistakes. Everyday will get better just keep focused on what you're doing. Pam

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I believe as long as you give your all and put your best effort out there. You have nothing to worry about but i understand because i was like that too. I have depression and anxiety too but its true to just take it one day at a time. This feeling will pass. Time will pass. And you will feel much better than how you feel now. So don't give up. It's okay to make mistakes because your new and they should understand that. If not try to tell your boss that you have questions and need help.

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My advice?...and again only worth tuppence.

Go into your boss and say exactly what you have said on your post.

That you don’t have all the information or enough knowledge of the organisation to answer or complete tasks confidently.

It sounds as if he has high expectations of you including you hitting the ground running without needing to understand the business and it’s culture.....and frankly he is being incredibly unfair.

Scary....

1. Write down your difficulties as bullet points and what you see are the solutions. Eg

I am unable to give confident answers and I am making errors because I am not familiar with the company. I was extremely pleased that you chose me for this role but I would ask that you give me the time to learn and understand the processes in order to avoid being put into a position for which I don’t have enough knowledge. And

What is it you expected from me and my role and how do you think it’s best to achieve that? I think he is overworked and hoping you can take some of the load which is why you were appointed? But he cannot expect you to do that immediately. You need a full induction and at least a couple of weeks to get a ha due on stuff and the go to people.

2. Request a meeting ASAP

3. Also explain how this is making you anxious and that you do not want to let him down. I think he will be pretty impressed at the way you will have addressed this..... or only that you will be making it clear that your not going to be treated this way.

Good luck xxx

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I echo the wisdom of the others and add this as someone who also has struggled with depression, making a mistake does not make us a mistake.

I am feeling very excited for you in that this is the job you have always wanted! Enjoying one's job makes all the difference in the world and the quality of work we apply to the responsibilities.

I love Foof's suggestion because it puts you in a position of taking control of meeting your personal needs in addition to the company's needs. It also lets your boss know of your desire to do well and communicate effectively.

I wish you well and hope to learn more of your "dream job" in future posts.

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I get like this myself. It will probably happen to me in my next job too coz it always happens. I would ask to have a quiet word with the boss and explain how I'm feeling. Sometimes we think people really don't like us but then it turns out we read things incorrectly. He's probably not as disappointed with you as you think

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Dear AnxietyGal

I was the opposite of you in as much as at Christmas I left my old job where I was working in a small Firm to go to a large one. (I wont go into my reasons for leaving) I was so overwhelmed in this new job that I stayed for a whole 11 days, went for my lunch one day and just never went back??? (I am certainly not advising that you do this)..Looking back the anxiety and stress I was feeling was so bad that I just felt like I couldn't cope. (I didn't WANT to leave my old job but I HAD to leave because of the way certain people were treating me). I was not in the frame of mind for a new job so far away, (as I had to then travel quite a way to get there), in such a big firm, although the benefits, wages etc were really great. I left that job on 11 January 2018 and didn't know what was going to happen to me - I had left my self jobless and unemployed for the first time in my life.

Last week I went for an interview and the following day I was offered the job. It is again for a big company except I am really looking forward to this one as I am in a completely different frame of mind.

I wish I could turn the clock back and stayed with the large firm with the great benefits etc. I, being the me I am now, WOULD go and speak to the Office Manager and explain everything to her. Let her know how I was feeling. (She would probably take it as a big compliment to know that I felt I could trust her enough to do this)..

What I'm saying is if you really like and want this job, please speak to someone or you may end up doing what I did. I'm OK as I've got another job which I think I am going to really enjoy, (its actually a better job), but I might not have been that lucky, and then what??.

They may think you are really strong person and that is the reason they are giving you so much so soon, they may think "she's really capable". The mistakes you have been making? You may be dwelling on these when they are not even giving them a second thought!! My motto in work was always this:

"If I'm not being told I'm doing it wrong - then I'll assume I'm doing it right!!"

Please, do yourself a favour and speak to someone. It will make you feel better and be a weight off your shoulders. You will at least know that you have someone on your side. Someone who understands. Employers these days are more sympathetic to their staff then they used to be!!

Good luck!! Keep posting and let us know how you get on!!

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Sorry, forgot to add also that they employed you for a reason!! They don't want you to leave. You are an investment to them!!...Make the most of it and ENJOY your job!!

Hope this makes you feel better!!

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Hi. Thanks so much for your advice I Have really appreciated it.

I have further info in a comment I put in the comment thread and if it's ok would appreciate your thoughts on it. Many Thanks!

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Hi all. Thanks for the advice. I have really truly appreciated all your words and input.

Since I last posted tbings have gotten a little worse.

My boss asked me to contact a possible contributor which i did but then git frustrsted with me cos I did it wrong. I was told the person wanted to talk To her about her blog and jewellery line which She Had already turned down and had no time to sort out. I was not given This knowledge prior to the message.

I've made many suggestions for social media improvements which she dismisses and is adamant about doing them a long winded way. Lost her rag a bit when I wasn't able to find up some clothing to send out to some customers (that was not part of the job description and I was not shown how to do this.

She keeps adding more and more to my list if tasjs; which is fine but she us always changing which ones she wants me to give priority to and is still getting frustrated With How long ling some tasks are taking me to do. I haven't been there 2 weeks yet.

Her and husband have arguments in the office, including swearing. Thus does not help my mood.

And I have not been given my contract to look over and sign. Not been asked for my ni card or account info. No idea when I get paid.

I feel very uneasy about trying to talk to her but I think you guys are right that I must say something. But I dunno if this is feeling right for me.

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Hi there!!

This sounds like an absolute nightmare of a place to work. She sounds like someone you would be walking on eggshells around all the time. She also sounds a bit tempremental. Aside from looking for a new job, you could maybe try this:

Go home at the end of your next shift and sit down with a pen and a piece of paper. Split it into two and head it up Pros and Cons. Write down all the things you like about the job and all the things that "concern" you about the job. I would then go into her and ask if there would be a suitable time to either sit down and speak to her and her husband or her on her own if its not possible to speak to both of them. Bring out your sheet and just explain you felt you had to put everything on paper so you wouldnt forget the subjects you wanted to discuss. (This way, you are showing that this is serious, but that you are also being sensible and proactive in your approach to her/them).

Her behaviour as a boss is really unprofessional. Just because she or they maybe the owners/managers, whatever their status, does not mean they get to act like this in front of you. Our bosses are also there to lead the way and set an example to us, and they are not setting any good examples.

I do think that if you dont get this sorted, and you stay there, you are going to end up the way I did and I would not wish this on anyone.

If she says, there is no time for meetings, discussions etc.. I would start looking for other employment. It may take some time but you need to think about you. (I would also try and get it across that you feel as though you are making mistakes all the time because you feel your confidence is being knocked. I think sometimes too, when you are trying so hard NOT to make a mistake you end up making bigger mistakes because your are constantly over-analysing and scrutinising everything you are doing - when the truth is you would have sailed through it normally because you wouldnt have given it a second thought).

(There could be more to this....maybe the woman is just plain jealous of you, and nothing you do is ever going to be good enough!!).

This is what I would do (if I were in that position now - I dont think I could have done it a few months ago - but now... hell yeah!!). Dont ALLOW them to make you feel like this. They should be lucky to have you!

I'm always here if you fancy a chat!!

Take care and be kind to yourself!! (Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect too!!)

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Hi. Thanks so much for your advice. I'm feel so lucky that you are helping me out.

I did bring up my concerns with my boss and she said she felt it wasn't going to work out, there wasn't time to help me out so I am now jobless!

I am somewhat panicking now. I don't really have a lot of savings at all and my housemate is moving out soon. Feel like my world is falling apart

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Hi. Thanks so much for your advice. I'm feel so lucky that you are helping me out.

I did bring up my concerns with my boss and she said she felt it wasn't going to work out, there wasn't time to help me out so I am now jobless!

I am somewhat panicking now. I don't really have a lot of savings at all and my housemate is moving out soon. Feel like my world is falling apart!

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Listen, this is exactly how I felt (but I just walked out of my job remember). The panic was overwhelming. That was the point when I found this site. And thank goodness I did. I came on here when I was feeling low but also when I was feeling good.

A lot of really nice, wise, people advised me that although I did feel scared at that particular time, I should have been feeling totally relieved that at least I was no longer going to have to go into that horrible place anymore. This was a huge bonus. So OK, you dont have a job now, so what do you do.?... you look for something else....Simple.

I know people say jobs are hard to come by and sometimes you wont get the kind of job that you want right away but that's not to say you should stop looking. I would say the best thing you can do right now is, put this crappy job down to a very bad experience. The problems were theirs/hers, NOT yours. You were just unlucky and I would feel sorry for the person who steps into your shoes next.

Go see someone about your finances and explain your situation. You will be entitled to some help. There are places you can go to, but you might need to look this up online. Can you get someone to replace your flat mate. Get your feelers out, sometimes word of mouth is better than actually advertising. There will be someone I'm sure who will be only too happy to move in and contribute. Start registering with outside Employment Agencies. This is the first thing I did and I ended up doing a couple of temping jobs which I really enjoyed. Kept my routine going, and you never know what this might lead to and its money in the bank!!...While your looking for work but not actually employed, do something or take up a hobby. I love reading and walking and walking for me was a great way to get things clear in my head. All that fresh air, getting fit and healthy and its totally free and then coming home and actually feeling better.

Get online and register with online Employment Agencies and fill in all the criteria. They will e-mail you jobs you may wish to apply for based on the information you have given them. Sometimes, they will phone you just for a chat or to see if you are available for interview. If you are willing to travel a bit further to get to a job then there may even be more choice for you. Your world is your oyster now (as people used to tell me).

I was a Legal Secretary for 14 years and it was only in the last 3 or 4 years I began to really hate it. I made bad choices and ended up in a bad way (although I refuse to take all the responsibility for what happened to me) but only last week when I was offered my new job you would have thought I had won the lottery. I am going to work in a Call Centre. I have been told I will hate it and that it will be boring etc, etc. I know what I am going to do and what will be expected of me and I cannot wait!!! If it is something I hate, I will find something else. If it is boring, then bring on boring!!.. I said not so long ago that you can only appreciate boring when all you have had is turmoil.

You will have LOADS to keep you busy but you need to find the time to keep chatting on here to let us know how you are doing!! Promise??

A couple of months ago someone else was giving ME this advice. I am giving it to you today and maybe soon you will be passing your advice on to someone else!!

Speak soon!!

Keep you chin up!!...... :-) :-)

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Hi there!!

How are you today?

Hope you are alright!!

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Hi.

I've had quite the few days.

Ive updated my Cv and applied for jobs. I've had some recruiters call and put my cv forward for jobs as well as recommend others. I have an interview on Monday as well.

Im still feeling a tremendous pressure and stress. I'm trying to figure out what financial help to go and how to get it. My housemate is worried about if I have enough to pay for rent, bills etc. which I hope I do have And is always worried about leaving me alone when she moves out in a few months. I'm hoping I'll be alright by then but my inner voice keeps saying what if you're not? Where are you gonna go? Are you gonna have to give up your cats? You're gonna be a failure. And I start freaking out again.

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Hi there!! Thats totally normal to feel that way. My inner voice used to tell me things like that too. But with me, it was, how am I going to pay the bills, how am I going to pay the mortgage. What if I never get a job again. As humans I think we are programmed to see the worst, so its a bonus if something good happens. I used to cry a lot too, but once that passed I would feel a lot better. It was like a wee release. I used to lock myself in the bathroom (so my son couldn't see or hear me) then come out and I was happy mummy again (my son is 19 by the way, he's not a baby and can look after himself...:-))

That's great that you have an interview so soon!! Well done. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you and you can let us know how it went!! Can your flat mate not continue to stay on for a wee while? If not, have a word with the Landlord maybe and just explain your position. Sometimes, if we just explain the situation, people will be understanding and do what they can to help you!!...Remember too this is just a temporary "blip". Things will get back on track again..

No matter what happens, just keep reminding yourself "At least I'm out of that Viper's Nest!!"

Good Luck.. :-) :-)

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Hey there!!!

How are you today? I hope you are well and looking forward to your job interview. I don't know if you have left for it yet or if it is later on today. I will keep my fingers well and truly crossed for you!! I'm sure you will smash it!! Confidence will always show on the outside even though it is not what you are feeling inside.. Remember "Fake it til you make it!!"

Please let us know how you get on!!

Good Luck!! :-) :-) :-)

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