Mental Health Support
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HOW DO I GET THROUGH THIS!!??

My very first post on here was a few weeks ago now and it was right after I had left my employment due to the stress and anxiety of a horrible work colleague (and other things), but mainly her!!.

I was frantic, sick with worry at the thought of not having a job for the first time in my life and really felt as low as I could possibly feel. Every day I have been applying for jobs online, registering with agencies etc, doing all the right things, as well as trying to keep fit and healthy. I gave up alcohol quite some time ago now and I can honestly say that if the issues I am going through now were happening say, one year ago, I know I would have been drinking to excess because of my situation. I keep telling myself if I can get through this without drinking then I can get through anything..

I had my first telephone interview last Wednesday and I sailed through it and have been invited to an interview tomorrow morning at 11am. I have been told this interview is going to last for 3 hours. It involves a tour of the building/Firm, a group discussion, a one to one interview and a role play exercise. I am sitting here absolutely "dreading" it and yet a few weeks ago I would have given my right arm for the opportunity!! I don't know how I am going to get through this but I know I have to go!

Why am I feeling so scared when I should be jumping through hoops!!??..

I just want to have a really good cry but I cant even do that because I dont want to turn up tomorrow morning with puffy eyes!! I'm also afraid that I'm going to be the oldest one there!!...(I'm 51)....

Its not even that "good" nervous feeling, I am really dead scared!!! XXX

I wish it was this time tomorrow night!!

XXXXXX

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good luck for your interview.just get up a little earlier than usual make sure take some notes about the company background incase they ask you not to much though.have a nice breakfast/lunch listen to some music on the way to relax.as I always say take some gum help you relax a little also.again good luck fingers crossed.

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Thank you for taking the time to post. I know its probably the anticipation more than anything. I will read your post again in the morning (for extra reassurance) and hopefully I can post something more positive tomorrow once it is over!! XXXXXX

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no worries this time tomorrow I hope you look back and say what was the fuss about.

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Okay En1234 - I'm probably going to through a blanket over the need for positive thoughts at this time - but if you are so all over the place about it tonight, then in my view, it's not for you! That's my opinion only and not what you should or shouldn't do. Are you going to be any better if you get offered the job?

I went through hell n torment travelling 200 miles for a new job and life, not because of the job but because of the crap life I was having back then. I got a second interview, and had to do it all again with the last pennies I had available, not only that, I was 8 hours late because of the trains, I didn't eat, I was a washout second interview and they even said that...I was honest, not begging or desperate, at that point it was like f*** it, I've done what I can.

2 years on am a success and it's the best thing to happen to me, ever, despite the continued anxiety and M H challenges I have.

So, my friend, if this is for you, go for it. If not, sack it off. Don't make do....just DO.

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Certainly food for thought.....Thank you!! XXXX

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Of course you are scared - anyone would be. It's quite an ordeal to go through but have confidence that you will handle it just fine. Bone up on the company and be as prepared as you can as that will help you relax a bit more. Good luck. x

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Thank you!! To be honest, (I dont know if I maybe didnt express myself properly in my original post). I'm not scared of going for the interview for this particular job, I could be going for an interview tomorrow for my "dream job" and I would still feel the same. Having worked full-time all my life since the age of 16, in only 3 places and then experiencing the last 2 months as being an unemployed person, ( only 2 months, but it has felt like a lifetime, when your routine and daily structure is no longer there - not to mention the wages), I think its the thought of getting back into the working environment that is frightening me, not so much the nature of the job.

I probably will be fine. I'm maybe just being a bit daft but it is nice to feel that bit of support.

Thanks again!!

XXXXXX

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You haven't done this for a long time and I know from experience it is a scary experience being back on the job market and having to go for interviews. It is like that for everyone so you are not unique.

You are going through a lot of change and it can be hard to cope with. I know you will be fine. Let us know what happens won't you please. x

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Definitely....I actually am looking forward to coming on tomorrow night and letting you know how it went and as Kenster1 said earlier, this time tomorrow night I'll be wondering what all the fuss was about...XXX

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There is a thing called going for the ride. It means don't think I have a hope of getting this job but will go for the experience, This helped me to relax.and every job interview is a training session.Doubt if you will be oldest there fact that you have interview suggests Co is looking for experienced candidates. Group interviews can be ice breakers and you will see others are as stressed as you. Good luck

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Really good advice and much appreciated... Thank you!! XXXX

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I’m not sure if I’m too late for this but if I am then you will probably be breathing a sigh of relief and telling yourself...”well I got through that easy enough, I’m not sure what I was so worried about!?”

So, and this is the key...before you have your interview you could do two things...

1: close your eyes and imagine yourself 10 minutes after the interview...what are you doing? Where are you? Perhaps you’re sitting down having a tea or coffee somewhere, how are you feeling? Are you still worried 10 mins after the interview? When you see yourself 10 minutes after the interview then you can see that there was nothing really to worry about and that you got through it just as you have gotten through many things before.

2: While you’re waiting to be interviewed, before you’re called, close your eyes and I want you to imagine a time before when you felt really confident, when you felt strong and able to accomplish anything, and when you have that time I want you to take the feeling of that confidence and whatever level it is at I want you to imagine that it is a colour, what colour would it be? Now I want you to imagine that colour growing bigger inside you, while you’re breathing, growing and growing, the colour filling up your whole body, and keep breathing, and that colour now is flowing through your whole body, your arms your legs, your back and into your mind, and now the colour becoming bigger than you, and I want you to then imagined me that the colour is now snide and outside of you as if you were wearing this coloured confidence body suit and it covers the whole of you like a protective aura or armour and rverytime your name is mentioned your aura armour will become twice as strong, making you feel twice as confident as before and nothing can harm you or get to you through this confidence armour, , no anxiety, no nerves, no worries, no self doubt or negative talk can get to you while this armour is on, it is only the colour of confidence and it fills every part of you.

I won’t wish you good luck because you won’t need it.

S

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Fabulous!! (Can you not come with me..???...:-) )......That is brilliant. Your not too late, I've been up really early, having my breakfast even though I'm so not hungry but don't want any embarrassing rumbles whilst I'm trying to think of answers to certain questions I may be asked!!...

The colour I will be concentrating on is Lilac....(dont know if this says anything about me?)..I cant wait to get home to post everyone who has supported me to let you know how it went...

Thanks again..XXX

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What happens if you can’t recall ever having a time that you felt really confident, strong & able to accomplish anything? How do you get to wear the confidence armour then? I love the idea but can’t conjure that feeling from anywhere.

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Hi HUanon

Good question.

I'm sure that at some point in your life you have felt confidence and that you're just finding it hard to remember a time when...

Do you know someone who is confident?

If you can see it then it is absolutely true that you have experienced it.

You see, the way in which our minds work, is that we are able to spot or recognize elements of ourselves in others, this is how we subconsciously recognize when someone is lying and we get a bad feeling, or when someone is happy etc its because we have experienced these things, even if briefly and recognise them in others or when they are faking...generally, sometimes we miss it but generally we are built to spot these things.

Can you imagine what it would be like to feel confident?

How do you think you would stand if you were a confident person?

How would you be breathing?

Here is a little trick to play with yourself. You can do this with any emotion that you want to have.

Stand somewhere where there is a little space with you arms by your side. Imagine there is a large circle in front of you that has a beam of light coming from somewhere beyond the sky and earth and onto the floor in front of you, one that you can step into if you could...now, I want you to imagine that in that beam of light the emotion of confidence is being beamed down to this circle. I want you to imagine what that confidence would like like, it's colour size, shape, movement etc...now I want you to see it in the circle in front of you...I want you to keep seeing it and when you're ready you can step into the circle and into the confidence energy while at the same time clenching your fist!

Let this feeling fill you up inside...then step out and unclench your fist.

Do this 3 times, beaming more confidence into the light of the beam and stepping into it and finding it increases the feeling of being more and more confident each time.

You can add other emotions too, along with that confidence, strength or joy...I suggest that two emotions is the best way.

The more you practice this the better it will get.

When you're outside today look for people who seem to be confident...watch how they're standing, breathing, moving, talking. Go home and take on those attributes, play at being confident, breathe, stand, move as if and notice how you feel differently now.

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Thank you. I’ll definitely give it a go. How do u know this stuff?

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Well...I went through a period when I was younger of suffering from severe anxiety and later that led to depression. I have always been into psychology and a few years ago I finished my training to become a professional Master NLP Practitioner, Hypnotherapist & Life Coach. I am now trying to build this up as my main career.

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Good luck to you..I bet the nerves vanish and you'll sail through it...john.

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Actually ended up really enjoying it Johncraig. Sometimes I think it definitely IS the anticipation. Its the thought of it, rather than the "thing" itself. They actually had the radio on in the background (which I thought was unusual) but it was low and helped ease the mood. They will call me either tomorrow or Thursday (at the latest) to let me know if I am going to be offered a position. I will just have to be patient now but will defo keep in touch and let you know the outcome.

Thanks for your kind message!! XXXXXXXXXXXX

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How did it go?

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Wellllll!!!???...

You guys were all right!! (Each and everyone of you).. Thank You so much for your support and my favourite colour IS now officially lilac TruthSi72!!!. I couldnt believe the 2 people conducting the whole thing wore lilac. Coincidence or what? After what I had posted to you this morning!! She was wearing a lilac dress and he was wearing a lilacy coloured tie...

It went really fast. There were 10 of us and for someone who was so nervous, scared, panicky all last night, it was me that was asking most of the questions. They had hinted to me to ask and partake as much as possible as we were being marked on this.

I actually enjoyed it and wouldnt mind doing it again tomorrow if I was asked...So there you go.!!

That said, I wont know if I am going to be offered a position until Thursday.. Of the ten of us, there were only 2 "oldies". Me and another girl but then again some of the "young ones" looked as though they had just crawled out of their beds and didnt really contribute much. I am hoping that some employers prefer experience to youth!!...That was the only thing I felt a bit paranoid about although I didnt let them see it and it certainly didnt hold me back!!

I will keep in touch and let you know if I get an offer (or not) but either way, thank you so much for all your support and comments. Probably got me through those 3 hours if I'm honest!!

Massive big hugs and loads of XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

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Well done! That is amazing and coincidence is spelt c.o.n.f.i.d.e.n.c.e isn't it?!?!?

No, but seriously that's fantastic, and whether you get the job or not you know that you can now take any future interview with the knowledge that you have the power to feel and be confident!

You must certainly be very proud...and so you should be.

Great news.

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I,ve just come back from getting some shopping and whilst I was at the shop, I met one of the girls who was at the interview.. She was the one I referred to as the other "oldie". We had a wee chat and she said when she got home there was already an e-mail in her in-box to say "Thank you for attending but on this ocassion you have been unsuccessful, blah, blah, blah!!

I came in just there and checked my in-box and there was nothing. No?.... My "Thanks But No Thanks" e-mail was hiding in my SPAM....They referred to me as Dear Eve....(my name is Theresa!!??), so not only have they got my name wrong - (there was nobody at the interview called Eve)...they certainly didnt waste any time in letting me know. They must have known from the minute I walked in!! LOL!!

I think they are probably the type of company who are looking for a certain young, fresh "dynamic" team and my face (old face) didnt fit!!! Ah well!!!

Back to the grind tomorrow!! XXXXXXXXX

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Oh well indeed...Perhaps Theresa (nice to know your real name) this was more about preparing you for the real event to come at some point soon? Practice.

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Yeah!!....Its funny though. I dont feel as bad as I thought I would have.... :-)

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I've only just caught up with this thread.

Given that you met the other "oldie" who had also not been offered the position, you may be right about your age being a deciding factor.

However, I'm just posting to say that, as I can tell you already know, there are employers who really do take on older workers. I am 70 and just about to reach the two-year mark with such an employer - and was taken on after I had been not working for two years. (In fact my previous work had been as an agency temp but within just one organisation from the age of 60.) You are counted as a spring chicken in my book!

Very best wishes for the future.

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Oh SailingBy2,

I'm so sorry. I hope I didnt offend you (or anyone else) by this,....And it is refreshing to hear your take on things. We were in a room with 8 other people at the interview and their ages ranged from about 19 to mid to late 30's.

When my CV was originally submitted I did have a load of dates on it so I assumed they would have been able to work out my age from that..I thought that there may have been a bit of a mixed bag age-wise. I'm still glad I went though as it was quite an experience.. :-)

I know I would have been able to do just as good a job (if not better) than some of my minors and I dont believe that everyone in this company are ALL under a certain age, but if it was young, fresh, dynamic youths they were looking for they never should have invited me for an interview??

I got my first bit of agency work under my belt a couple of weeks ago. It was only 3 days working in a Civil Engineering Office butI really enjoyed it so I am up for that as well.

Thank you for helping me see things from a different angle and also for being a really good example.

That was a really inspirational post and much appreciated!!

XXXXXXXXX

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Goodness me, I was in no way offended by anything you wrote. My intention in replying was purely to say that there are opportunities.

That said, I was listening to the radio the other day where someone was talking about wanting to encourage older people to continue working. So I thought, oh she's talking about people like me. In fact it was people over 50!

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LOL!! My mum is is a bit like you. She has a very positive attitude as well and has always said that "age is just a number" but I think there is so much pressure put on people these days and I'm afraid I have to say I have fallen into the trap of allowing myself to worry about it. Obviously, you dont know what I look like but as a 50 year old (more 51 now really - birthday in a couple of months) I am often told I dont look my age. I have never smoked, I dont drink and I do exercise (walking a lot every day - no gym for me thank you) I do have good skin and look after myself well - but everything seems to be a competition no matter what these days. Even now I am watching a programme called 100 Years Younger in 21 Days with all these celebrities who want to look younger than they actually are. My mum is only 17 years older than me and looks great because she doesnt worry about anything - she just takes it all in her stride!!

I will be grabbing every opportunity that comes my way with both hands (and holding on fast!!).

XXXXXXX

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I’m so impressed with how u’ve handled this in comparison to how u initially felt. It’s like u r a different person. Just shows that u have it within u. Well done u.

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Well done you for going, and as others have said just picture it as "training" for when the job that is right for you comes along. Big hugs, Gemmalouise XXXXX

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Thank you Gemma. Thats really kind... I knew if I didnt go I would have felt really disappointed in myself. As long as I can get up in the morning and put one foot in front of the other, then I know I'm doing just fine!!! Learning to be grateful is a good way of getting through the day and the main thing is as long as my health is OK then so am I.

I hope your OK too :-)

Megga big hug right back at you!! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

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Again I say, WOW! In the fog of all the things that ‘go wrong’ in daily life, it is so much about just stopping to be grateful for the good things, however little or insignificant they may appear at the time. There will always be someone better and worse off so just being OK is ok. I have to stop asking “what’s the point?” coz I think the point is there is no point. Just make the most of your time here in whatever way is right for u. I know I’m not setting the world alight with accomplishment but I’m also not a bad person. I don’t ever hurt anyone deliberately. I try always to be kind & thoughtful so I’m reminding myself daily that I’m ok, not amazing, but ok. Then I remind myself that it’s ok to just be ok! It’s a constant work in progress but I’m a lot calmer than I was. U r doing ok. Better than ok so pat yourself on the back. 👍🏻

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It’s only a competition because you choose to compete.

Have you considered that if you feel and apologise for being old that is what you are projecting?

But you are not old. Youre in the prime of your life, you still have your strength and energy as well as all that experience and knowledge.

Don’t knock it. You have a huge amount to offer exactly because of your age.

And turn this situation around a little. You’ve worked since you were very young...enjoy the enforced time off. Relish the opportunity to learn some new skills and immerse yourself in all these new experiences.

Currently you have a freedom to choose what to do next, and who is fortunate to get you...and go for jobs that excite you and make you think “ I can do something here” . Yes go for the jobs within your skill set, but think about the ones you would like to do “if only....” . This is an amazing opportunity to completely change your life and loving it. Xxxxx

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Great advice and I will certainly be taking it!!....Much appreciated. This is one of my messages I will probably read back a few times!! XXXX

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Good luck and sending prayers your way. I got hired from my job interview on Tuesday. I'm still excited and happy about it. I want you to feel like i do and i know you will do your best. If you do your best and gave your all, you have nothing else to worry about. Don't give up and keep trying if you don't get it. I had to keep trying. You will get your breakthrough.😊

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Thank you for all these lovely messages. Totally bowled over this morning. I know I have a lot to be thankful for and this I will try and keep at the forefront of my mind.

Congratulations to you Vonnah for bagging your job, hopefully I will be sending you a similar message soon but Well Done You!!

If I were not in this position then I would never had discovered this site, nor would I have met and chatted with so many lovely people. The support and advice on here is priceless. Its like having my own wee therapy session in the house...So there you go, you CAN find a positive in every situation!!

I'm sure something is in the pipeline for me. I just need to be patient. As my mum always says "We are all part of God's Big Plan" and there is definitely something for me round the corner. (To be honest, I would never hurt her feelings but I'm not sure how much of this I believe!!??..:-)...)..

Thanks again guys. Will keep in touch. Take Care all of you!!!!! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

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O.M.G. How daft do I feel......

Guys, I,ve just received a telephone call from the people I interviewed with yesterday...I got the job after all!!! Cant believe it!! There was me being so worried about my age and everything...AND the e-mail which was sent to my SPAM was actually sent to me in error and the lady couldn't apologise enough. She said there was no way I should have received it so she sent me another e-mail with confirmation of my job offer, start dates, training dates etc. So just wanted to let all my friends on here know!!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXxxx

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CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!! I'm so happy for you, you're gonna kill it there!! 👊

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Totally delighted.. Thank You!!! XXX

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Haha.....confidence...blag it until you’ve got it xxxxx

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I did blag it!!. Nobody saw the high-speed washing machine on constant spin cycle going on in my stomach!!! But if there is one thing I have learned through all this its that I will no longer under-estimate myself!! XXXX

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So the washing machine took off....how apt lol xx

Double result x

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LOL!!!

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I know you had a fantastic interview and you took the job, be more relax in the situations like this and be more free to express your true self, good luck

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Thank you very much Ehsanbey!!

I don't start until April and there will be 4 weeks training before I actually start doing the job, so now I can relax for the rest of March safe in the knowledge that I will be getting paid again. This whole experience has been such a learning curve and I know that I will be looking after ME from now on. I am a friendly person, so I will be friendly and courteous to others but this time I will not get too close to my workmates. I was badly bitten, very badly bitten in my last place of work which was the reason I chose to leave and ended up leaving only to end up in somewhere which (I could see) was going to be just as bad. My confidence was very low but after having had this break (nearly 3 months), I feel more like my old self again and know I am "work ready". I just wish I didn't have to wait until April.....it feels like years away!!

Thank you again and wish you all the best also!!

Hope you too are OK today!!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

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I am so so glad to read these heart warming words from you, yeah that is obvious we learn from the past, anyway you deserve this, good luck in progress my pal

.. I'm not bad too, thx

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Hello. How did it go? I'm due to start something out of my comfort zone tomorrow & I'm so unsettled, I want to run!

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