How Do You Move On After This Discovery? - Mental Health Sup...

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How Do You Move On After This Discovery?

Time4Grace profile image
Time4Grace

My husband and I have reunited in a way. He's being very kind, and seems to be following through with his promises. But, how does one have faith that He's being honest? How do I know? How can you live with confidence he is being honest now? I feel like a nervous wreck with the uncertainty. How can I get that back?

22 Replies

Have faith in your husband..he is showing little things ..he is keeping promises...if u open up to each other i mean really open up u might understand and find the love thats been hidden away for so long...u got married so there is something there..u have to learn to trust..its hard but if u love your husband i think that it is worth it...

Thank you so much. Your kind words will at least me get through today without worrying too much. You took the edge off even though there is still a little question mark in my head. He is worth waiting for to see if promises are kept. Talking this through helps a lot. Because without him, at the moment, I have nothing. No job, no savings, no one to turn to. I can't destroy my children's lives because of my situation, and I truly do love him.

U and him have made a family and future together...u cant run away u have to stay and fight for each other..to much history...i know u guys develop habits good and bad..but i beleive that if u love something u try and look after it because u would be heart broken when u lose it...just talk to each other any problems u face together...u and him against the world...

Yes!! 🤗

U are a lovely lady..u and your husband will be ok..and i wish u and your family .the best...

Hi Grace, I believe in forgiveness and I was thinking that our marriage is a family event. Our kids and grandkids would be so hurt and I didn't want to give that up for myself either. I really didn't want a new life, I wanted my old life back. I was very frank with my husband this was a one time only deal and then I let it go. I don't watch him or question him. In a vague sort of way I think this was more about him than about me. I discussed it with my Doctors and they were very supportive. When I told my husband this I think he realized how seriously people were taking it. I have started to pay attention to money and savings and I don't have a plan per say , but I don't want to not have a choice. I need to know I'm staying because I want to, not because I have to. It gets better. Pam

Hi Sweetie, last night I looked at his phone again, and realized they must have been meeting up by the comments. Once again, I'm in disbelief. I Don't want to believe it. I can't recall the date on that post. I once again confronted him. He wouldn't really admit to anything I was asking. He said it was a terrible thing to do and he was sorry. I Don't know what to think or do. I told him I forgive him but would need time to process this. My stomach is in knots. We have only been married 6 years now, but have been together since 2001. Despite the fact that we met this way I didn't think he would ever do it again. I couldn't. This marriage is more sacred to me than my first one. I did tell him if I catch him doing this again, everyone will know. I will tell everyone. Do you think that will stop him? I want him to stop it, but because he loves me and cares about our marriage, not because he's being forced. I think I need a counselor. This is all very hard to process. I am so close to giving up.

I think finding out why this happened and changing situations will help. It’s difficult. My father in law left his wife and had an affair. Then they got back together and stayed together for 40 years. He passed away and she still talks about it. I don’t think she ever trusted him. He tried to prove himself. She would put tape recorders in his vehicles, call every number on his phone etc. It’s hard but if he shows you he is being true you have to let go or you will not survive. I think open communication and just believing until you have a reason not too. Kind of like faith. You just do it. Maybe counseling would be good. Praying for you.

Faith, That's the key word. Thank you.

If you can find a Christian counselor I think you would find it very helpful. I have done this and it was wonderful. Pam

Yes, I have Christian counselors available at our church. I wish I could call them today, but due to inclement weather no one is there today.

Well in the mean time make a list of your concerns and what you want to pray about. It will help you keep focus. You will find such relief in talking to someone who can guide you in the way of Christ. Bless you. Pam

Pam, That's an excellent suggestion. I will try to keep focused on that. Betrayal can leave you totally confused and out of sorts. Thank you so much. I hope You're doing well. Blessings, Carol

I'm still rockin , of course I use a chair now.

Hopeful-Tinkerbell, I want to thank you for sharing, and being supportive. Life can be so hard. One minute things can seem to be improving, the next your world can turn upside down. The rug just gets pulled out from under you leaving you feeling all alone wondering what just happened. I hope a counselor can help me find a way to live a peaceful life once again. Last night when my husband came home from work he was showing signs of compassion toward me, but then then we he left for work again today, I'm left with my mind questioning everything, ie. Is he doing this just so no One finds out. I really appreciate your reply, and feel bad I'm in such a state I am of no help to others. I hope You're doing alright. Blessings, Carol

You can block that number on his phone! My daughter in law called the phone company and blocked a number her husband was calling. You can block it and remove it from his phone as well. So she can’t call him and he can’t call her. Just a thought. If they meet it won’t stop him from possibly putting it back in but I’m not sure if you call the company. It will make it hard to contact especially if he doesn’t have her number memorized.

I love it! I didn't know that! Thanks!

I'm not trying to be negative but the problem isn't that he has her number, or she his. The reality is he can see her or anyone anytime. The issue is your marriage and do you both want it to continue. It has to be both for it to work. You have to learn to trust again and to feel loved again, other wise you'll be following him and looking for phone calls etc. for the rest of your life. That being said, I wouldn't make it to easy for him. Pam

Thank you Pam. Tonight is our first counselling session. I'm nervous, scared and praying for some comfort.

Carol

Your husband is probably feeling the same way. It's a good sign the he's agreed to counselling. God will be with you, but you get to do the work. Pam

Hello there, I’ve stumbled upon you, read that you’re pic is when you felt happiest and I feel much the same still. Waiting to find some kind of peace, as I’ve been through some of what you’ve been through and I’m hoping that your counseling helped and things are smoother, & you’re trusting again. I’ve not been in this section, but it was you that caught my attention. I really hope you’ve found some happiness & peace and would love to know how these last two months have been for you. I’ve been through betrayal so heartbreaking I hate to know anyone else is suffering the way I did. If you see this please let us know how you are. Thank you!

I'm in the same boat. 41 years together and I always trusted him. When you're married that long or you know your spouse well, when there is a drastic change in personality you just know in your gut. I found out by accident. Cheaters take advantage of our trust. The cheating spouse has a lot of work to do to retore trust again. And I don't mean for a week or less. I've just about driven myself insane noticing everything he does and wondering if it means something. I even went to his truck with an ultra violet flashlight looking for clues like hair and semen. Looked at his briefs for semen. I'm ashamed of myself for doing that. It was insane behavior on my part. But something inside me clicked and I started to trust him again and that's probably insane, too. I couldn't even live life with all the fretting over what he was up to. It had to stop. That was 3 days ago. Today the doubts started to creep back in. I've never hurt so bad in my life and I've been through some tragic times. There is no easy answer. Only time will tell and their willingness to go the extra mile to let you know all is well. They owe us that.

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