In a nutshell I've been at my place of work of 5 years. I've been doing my job a total of 7. When I started 5 years ago I was excited, thrilled, always wanted to please and impress my clients and colleagues. I wanted to do well, to do the best I could. Now 5 years on I hate my job. i feel emotional drained, I come home crying feeling like I'm less the dirt. It effected how i was with my loving boyfriend and my attitude to life. I didn't want to do anything n my days off other than sleep. So I started looking for a new job a 2 years ago.
I got a training post in a new career path, one that kept me away from the aspects of my job I hate. People. I know... I know, ......how antisocial of me. I cant cope with the constant demands, whining, complaining and rude remarks made my people and clients, despite me trying to do the best i can and doing so with a smile, and polite manner. I feel like its slowly chipped away at me. I go to work with my stomach twisting with anger before i even open the front door. Anyway this new job i obtained 6 months into looking was retracted due to my sickness being 1% off their minimum requirement. I was devastated. No i don't phone in sick after a night out drinking. My dad says you go to work unless your dead or dying. sure i had the cold, or the winter stomach bug where i did feel like i was dying. Other wise i stuffed myself full of painkillers and off i went. I was humiliated and felt trapped.
And now I've got another post, same training position just in a different location. I didn't hold my breath as all the paper side of my recruitment went through as i feared they would find something wrong. i was so happy everything went through fine. I have a start date and an offer letter. I put my notice in today.
I thought I'd feel happy and relived. I thought I'd be jumping and dancing with joy. But it doesn't feel real. It feels like I'm going to get a phone call retracting the offer and I'd look like a moron again in front of everybody. I know some of you must thing "God get a grip you idiot. You way too paranoid." i keep trying to mentally slap myself to get a grip but with the environment I working I'm working in being a bitchy, and back satbby as it is.....I'm scared to even post on fb that I have a new job.
I also have a family holiday and Christmas off this year all to look forward to before i start my new job. I don't understand why im still miserable. How do i help myself feel better?? Why do i feel like this to start with??
Thanks everyone i appreciate you taking time to read this. Just feeling scared, paranoid and trapped.