Why do I feel like its too good to be true?

[Clockwor]

Hey everyone,

In a nutshell I've been at my place of work of 5 years. I've been doing my job a total of 7. When I started 5 years ago I was excited, thrilled, always wanted to please and impress my clients and colleagues. I wanted to do well, to do the best I could. Now 5 years on I hate my job. i feel emotional drained, I come home crying feeling like I'm less the dirt. It effected how i was with my loving boyfriend and my attitude to life. I didn't want to do anything n my days off other than sleep. So I started looking for a new job a 2 years ago.

I got a training post in a new career path, one that kept me away from the aspects of my job I hate. People. I know... I know, ......how antisocial of me. I cant cope with the constant demands, whining, complaining and rude remarks made my people and clients, despite me trying to do the best i can and doing so with a smile, and polite manner. I feel like its slowly chipped away at me. I go to work with my stomach twisting with anger before i even open the front door. Anyway this new job i obtained 6 months into looking was retracted due to my sickness being 1% off their minimum requirement. I was devastated. No i don't phone in sick after a night out drinking. My dad says you go to work unless your dead or dying. sure i had the cold, or the winter stomach bug where i did feel like i was dying. Other wise i stuffed myself full of painkillers and off i went. I was humiliated and felt trapped.

And now I've got another post, same training position just in a different location. I didn't hold my breath as all the paper side of my recruitment went through as i feared they would find something wrong. i was so happy everything went through fine. I have a start date and an offer letter. I put my notice in today.

I thought I'd feel happy and relived. I thought I'd be jumping and dancing with joy. But it doesn't feel real. It feels like I'm going to get a phone call retracting the offer and I'd look like a moron again in front of everybody. I know some of you must thing "God get a grip you idiot. You way too paranoid." i keep trying to mentally slap myself to get a grip but with the environment I working I'm working in being a bitchy, and back satbby as it is.....I'm scared to even post on fb that I have a new job.

I also have a family holiday and Christmas off this year all to look forward to before i start my new job. I don't understand why im still miserable. How do i help myself feel better?? Why do i feel like this to start with??

Thanks everyone i appreciate you taking time to read this. Just feeling scared, paranoid and trapped.

[Cara78]

Maybe visit your gp and get son medication it may help you short term.

[Stilltrying_]

When something bad has happened in the past you are bound to keep worrying that the same thing may happen again in the future. Try and just calm yourself and tell yourself that things will not necessarily end up how they did before.

I am sure it will work out well for you in the end. This time of year is very stressful and an amount of anxiety in your situation is natural. Have you tried yoga or meditation, deep breathing or something like that? That may help; or whatever you normally do to calm yourself be that a walk in the park, some drawing or art or craft work , listening to calming music, a good film or whatever.

Gemma X

[Cara78 in reply to Stilltrying_]

😊

[Clockwor in reply to Stilltrying_]

Hi.

Yes I did take up meditation and tried yoga and i did feel a bit better. Unfortunatly time has not been on my side and my shifts being 12 hours dont help.

I appriciate you advice and hopefully I will have more time after the busy Christmas period.

Thank you.

[Cara78]

It could be that your not happy with you. Just a thought. I'm not a professional. I'm going through counselling Just now and I'm finding out that things I thought I had got over from my past have came back to annoy me again. Right now I'm trying to be good to myself by giving myself a break and accepting I feel like shit. I'm trying to be happy that much that I'm missing out so if I can just be depressed or annoyed and accept I might get over it . If I keep asking myself "why" I am just gony get more disturbed.

[Kirstbro in reply to Cara78]

I think you’re spot on there. I’ve had depression for almost 4 years now (maybe I should have an anniversary party! Seriously, I’m committing to it) and have tried doing everything right - regular, decent exercise, eating veges beans and nuts and no sugar and hardly any of the heavy carbs, journaling, meditation, counselling, support from family, working on a goal, doing recreation - all at once! And it didn’t cure. But now that I’m starting to crack through to underlying issues with self esteem and connection I can reflect that all that stuff wasn’t a substitute for teaching life experience. I haven’t been happy with me. So here’s to doing the hard, hard, hard, hard yards and loving ourselves.