So called friends

[Mizzkent]

Hi everyone so I have this friend well a couple. I’ve not see anyone in months so anyway a couple of weeks ago I was feeling suicidal and I reached out to two of my so called friends it took a lot to do because I keep everything to myself. One of them have mental health issues themselves so I thought they would understand.So they read my message and completely blanked me it really did my head in the other friend never got back to me for 3 days. And then it was a txt saying she would call in 2 days time when she was off work and never. She phoned today 2 weeks later. Because she had been drinking she only ever calls when she is upset drunk or wants her hair doing. She had me on the phone an hour I could not even get a word in and when I tried she just talked over me. Only interested in herself and how bad she feels. I was literally almost pulling my hair out almost hung up a few times so why couldn’t I. It’s alright when they need someone to talk to I’m there for them.If I’d got a message like what I sent them I’d of been on the phone straight away! I don’t really think these are friends at all.The call has really made me feel even worse angry upset and even more depressed. I feel so alone and it makes me think everyone hates me.

[Phillipaussie]

You are Not alone,trust me your not! Friends can be funny,some say they are there but it's just talk when it comes down to it,you are still here, I'm happy for that,and we don't know eachother, small victory, wish I could take your pain away but I can't,best thing you could do is get on here and vent,we are all in similar situation so if we can't help eachother then it can't be done,while you vent you breath, please don't do anything silly you Are worthwhile and we all need you, I have a step daughter who is a crackhead, she uses my grandkids as a way to get what she wants, this has torn my marriage apart, hey, I'm an Austin,so I'm 12.000 mile from home and feel helpless.so chin up, you soldier on and so will I , in the meantime shed some baggage your true friend's will understand.xx

[reinagrace]

Hi Mizzkent I know many people like this , and yes it hurts and makes me angry too, even to where i have bad dreams, bc I'm unable to express to my friends how i feel, how they hurt me. Just try not to take it personal , most people are only interested in their own selves. One friend i'm thinking of in particular- she doesn't listen to anyone, its not just me. When we are among other people- if i ask someone else about their health or something, that person barely says one sentence then my friend butts in and talks 15 minutes about her own health or whatever it was i had asked the other person. What I do now, bc it happens so much in life, is i just tell myself, they must be mentally ill, like a narcissist (narcissism is a mental disorder)- to just go on and on babbling about themselves. even if they're not mentally ill i just tell myself, well they obviously have issues themselves. By all means yes find a way to cut them off, hang up, whatever, don't listen to someone who doesn't listen to you! it's very hard to find a friend who listens , understands, doesn't judge. I pray you find one, or more. Meanwhile, try depression or anxiety support groups, you might find more compassion there. and by the way who is the weirdo selling stuff here as a reply to your post? hope this person leaves the people here, alone. Blessings to you

[reinagrace]

Hidden why are you on here trying to take advantage of people who are down so you can sell them something? you should try this somewhere else!

[Hidden]

Get rid of them..either way your alone ..or , you can be there for your friends if it's in your nature but don't expect anything back ..choose...why you feel alone, we are here for you..

[TruthSi72]

Hi Mizzkent

People are interesting creatures, aren't they?

People like this exist in all walks of life. They're scared. They're scared of showing love and scared of seeing themselves reflected in others.

As horrible as this sounds, but when you're suffering it tends to make you more self-involved, selfish even...now I'm not saying this is how it is for everyone but this is true for most humans never mind those that are suffering on some level too.

Now this might seem to paint a bleak picture of the human race but it really doesn't, most people do things because of selfish reasons, even helping others is a selfish reason.

I coach and help people with anxiety and find their path in life because it makes me feel good to help others, it fills me with a sense of meaning and purpose.

Of course when I am suffering though, the last thing I want to do is to help others who are suffering, this is a survival mechanism, your mind will seek out ways of avoiding painful truths, this is quite often what people do, and when you think of it like that you can really do no more than feeling sorry for people in general because we all have our weaknesses and stories that we carry with us that help us to survive...that's all it is.

So your friends probably don't feel they have the capacity to help you or listen to your problems because they're too self-involved, trying to survive their own problems.

Part of the problem with modern society is that it promotes self-importance, greed and at the same time self-loathing, nothing is good enough, we deserve more, we deserve to be heard and to be loved even if we do not love ourselves.

This is why sometimes it's better to talk to a professional or even a stranger who says they want to listen or help because, though they are still coming from a place of self-interest, they are looking for confirmation of something else such as contribution and connection, which is a positive and represents and open mindset, rather than certainty from a negative, which is victim confirmation related to a closed mindset.

It's why, on forums such as this that you get a mix of people wanting to help and people who just want to say..."me too, I feel bad too, that's me, that's what I have" even though the thread might not be about them; they are so caught up in their struggle to survive that they look for acknowledgement about how they feel, they look for proof, this is so they can find some form of certainty, because they're probably lacking it elsewhere in life.

Again I'm not trying to be harsh, my purpose is to understand people and why they do the things they do. It fascinates me.

It's amazing that if you saw a message like the one you posted you would be the first to contact your friend and ask after their wellbeing but generally people are self-involved.

The power to change what you're feeling lies within you.

You, we, humans spend a lifetime telling themselves stories that aren't true, some are positive and some are negative, unfortunately, our nature also requires us to focus on the negative, because of our evolutionary path, and so it feels like there is only misery but this is not true either...so how?

Decide what it is you want to change. Ask yourself how badly you want to change by asking what won't happen if you don't. Then...Change the story. Change the belief. Change the Metaphor. Change the state. Change the mindset. Change the method. Your mind is there to protect you but sometimes the most comfortable place is a painful one. This is of course, a lie. It's a habit. A story. If it's just a story then we need to write a new one or play a different character.

You will find that you feel better as soon as you decide you feel better now.

Si.

[Zoea in reply to TruthSi72]

What a well written and insightful reply. I commend this|that!

[Zoea]

I think whole it's a shame she didn't listen to you the fact that she called you and talked for ages it is a sign of what a good person you are that she actually wants you to listen.

It's positive, right?

If your friends are not providing you with the opportunity we need to discuss what's on your chests then just talk to your GP with a double appointment or ask for a referral. You'll get better results there since the vested interest is with you and them as ham been poked at above!