Feel so alone

[Kw94xx]

I am really suffering, a lot. I was diagnosed with depression over a year and a bit ago and I thought I got rid of what made me depressed ( a cheating ex) but there's something just not right. I'm not happy and I feel hopeless about it. It's overwhelming. I can talk to my mum but she doesn't live with me she has her own life with her boyfriend. I have hardly any friends and I find it hard to make them and I live with my dad but he doesn't really speak to me. About 20 minutes ago I broke down trying to get off my chest what was wrong he was just sat looking at his phone not even showing any ounce of interest so I went mad and said that maybe he will care when it's too late and I'm dead but I was literally pleading like talk to me please stop watching football and please help. And his response was "I'm not watching football it's rugby". So I left the rook and now I'm upstairs just basically falling apart. I wanna be stronger than this but I'm find it so hard. 💔

[Fi68]

Hello Kw94xx, welcome to the site. I am sorry that you feel as if you are falling apart and you have depression. Have you been to your GP recently? Are you taking any meds? What do you do during the day? I think that you need to take the message from your dads behaviour, he doesn't want to talk about your stuff now. But that doesn't mean he doesn't want to talk to you period, you just need to pick your moment. If your dad works, maybe Friday night isn't the best time to choose, he maybe tired and just wants to watch the rugby. Try not to judge him too harshly. Maybe try tomorrow after you both have had a nights sleep. If you don't think you can talk to him, try writing a letter. Make an appointment with your GP asap and tell them how you are feeling, they will then be able to start treatment. Take some deep breaths, watch something nice, snuggle down into bed and try to relax.

Take care,

Fi.

[Kw94xx in reply to Fi68]

Thank you your comment really helped. My dad hasn't reached out to me infact he just ignored me this morning. I just feel like he doesn't take my feelings seriously and ever since I was diagnosed with depression a year or so ago he's never actually tried to talk to me or expressed any emotion. So I feel like I have to deal with it on my own. He's never really been the person to open up and express feelings but it says a lot when lovely people like yourself are helping you through more than your own dad Thanks again for your comment x

[Satsuma]

It is so difficult to converse with those who do not suffer depression sometimes as they don't get it.

The Samaritans are great if you ever need to chat to get things off your chest.

Being here Kw94xx will almost certainly help you. I glad you have found this site.

[Kw94xx in reply to Satsuma]

Thank you that means a lot to me. I find that my mum is a lot more in the know about mental health therefore can sympathise. Whereas my dad is the kind to not show emotion and not deal with feelings but it's just so horrible when he's the person I see the most of every day the one I should be really close to but I just feel like I have to hide how I feel because his reaction makes me feel even worse. Makes me feel so alone

[Angep]

It can be such a lonely scary place when you suffer from depression. Your mums your mum and even though she has her own life and a partner you're still her daughter and a huge part of her life. If you were my daughter I would want you to talk to me so please talk to her as often as you can. As for your dad he dosnt understand does he!!! He probably thinks here we go!! Females and their hormones or whatever. He dosnt get it and that's a shame for you. Are you having counciling? Because if not then go see your doctor and ask to see one. Talking is always good. Don't dispair too much because you can get better, it takes time and a lot of hard work but things turn around in the end x

[Kw94xx in reply to Angep]

Thank you so much. I try to talk to my mum as often as I can. I feel like if my parents were still together and I still had my mum in the house I'd be a lot better but things aren't like that. My dad never shows emotion and it almost seems like he doesn't take my feelings seriously. he's just like " oh you'll be alright" in an annoying patronising tone of voice which doesn't help me. Makes me feel very alone

[Satsuma in reply to Kw94xx]

I have learnt that men deal with emotions in such a different way to us women. This can make life most difficult and even more so for those who suffer mental health illness. Finding the balance is the key which can take time.

[PeekabooFace]

Hi Kw94xx, like Others I'm glad you found this forum, you will never be alone here

I just have a few things to say: yes talk to your mum more and as often as you can, as Angep said, your mum would want you to go to her. I would want my daughter to talk to me whenever she felt she had to. Secondly, I think the issue with your dad goes deeper than him just not listening to you. Some men just don't get it yes, and dads can't always deal with emotion, but you're his daughter and that moment you described sounds more like a bad relationship than a father-daughter. And it's hurtful to you.

You say you got rid of a cheating ex? Just by that name alone I can't imagine he treated you with any respect or dignity...and maybe that's the negative impression you have of men and relationships. How long were you together? How long ago did it end? Apart from cheating on you was there anything else bad in that relationship? What was your dad like with your mum when they were together? It could all be relative to how you're feeling now. Break ups are never easy even when someone has been so cruel and you are the one who ends it. You are left with the negative feelings and betrayals and possibly blame yourself.

For your own sanity I don't think you should approach your dad at the moment and definitely do not plead with him. This will just make you feel worthless. No one should have to plead to be heard. He's obviously not the one to talk to...do keep coming on here, and please try talking to your doctor and seek counselling. There are lots of different types of talking therapies available and it really helps to talk to someone outside of the close circle too....an independent neutral person that totally understands you and WANTS to listen.

The reason I asked about your ex and the type of relationship you had was to ascertain whether there was any type of domestic abuse going on...not necessarily physical, but emotional and psychological abuse is just as damaging. Sometimes we don't see it as abuse until we have come out of it and then talk to someone who recognises the signs.

Let me know what you think x