Think I'm finally ready to accept that I'm depressed - but not sure if over-reacting!

[Bubblicious]

I'm new here, just joined tonight. I think, as the title goes, that I'm finally ready to accept that I'm suffering from depression. I have a problem with alcohol abuse, so much so that I joined alcoholism support forums, and also a problem with binge eating, and I always thought that they were my problems. And I wondered why my efforts to sort them out never came to anything. But now I think that they are a symptom of depression and I think I need to sort this out first.

For the past, oh, maybe five years or so, I have felt bleak and unmotivated every day. It feels like I'm living in a kind of grey fog. I can't find much pleasure in anything at all now, except drinking alcohol and binge eating, because they take away the bad feelings temporarily and for a while I feel at ease and happy. Every single day I feel really afraid, tense and anxious. I'm certain that bad things are going to happen all the time. I can't sleep properly, I have nightmares every night and wake up in the early hours of the morning, feeling really afraid, guilty and hopeless. I've put on about 5 stone, I've stopped taking care of my appearance - hell, most days I can't even be motivated to have a shower. There were times when I stopped brushing my teeth too, I just didn't have the energy, I didn't care. I must've been a delight to have been around!!

So I always thought my alcohol problem was the cause of why I felt depressed all the time. Now I think, maybe I am depressed and that's what's driven me towards alcohol abuse and binge eating. I just don't know.

I joined this site this evening to hopefully find answers and see what to do next. Should I see a doctor? I'm embarrassed to - I know that's stupid but I'm already dreading telling my doctor this. In case I'm over-reacting or something. Does this sound like depression? From what I've been reading, I think it might be.

Apologies for the long rant! B x

[Suzie40]

Hey, welcome to the site. I'm not sure that anyone on here will diagnose your symptoms, but there are so many supportive people who will listen to you and help you make decisions for yourself.

Going to see a doctor about depressive symptoms is one of the hardest things you will do. It's an emormous step in he right direction but an incredibly difficult one, too. In the past I have found the NHS depression questionnaire a good starting point in helping to pinpoint particular difficulties.

Don't be embarrassed about how you feel. The doctor won't be x

[Bubblicious]

Thanks Suzie! I will look out the NHS depression questionnaire and see what it says. I am hoping to see the doctor on Thursday and will tell him everything and see what he suggests. It will be worth the embarrassment if he can help.

Thanks for your reply x

[Jeffju]

Your GP sees all sorts of people everyday with all sorts of problems.Remember one in five people suffer with depression so you are not alone and you probably won't be the only patient the GP sees suffering with depression that day.

It is a hard step to take, but don't be embarassed. Tell them your problems just like you have told us and , hopefully, help will come your way. Welcome to the site, it's really great, full of people who know just how you are feeling. Wishing you all the best and hope to hear how you got on. xx

[Hidden]

Hi Bubbilicious

All of the above are right. One thing I will say & learned it the hard way that Alcohol is a huge depressant. Yes it numbs your feelings while drinking it but when it wears off it can make you feel so low, anxious & in a state of panic.

I only know this because of a self destruct phase I went through in my depression. Explain everything to your Dr they are there to help you & will get you the proper treatment.

Good luck & best wishes

Jackie xx

[sazzles206]

Hello hon,

Going to the docs is a huge relief, just to get it out there in the open. Print what you've written here and hand it to them if you can't get the words out properly (I know when I chatted to my doc for the first time I was a messy mixture of crying and laughing at myself!!). And if they tell you you're over-reacting, get a second opinion because you sound like a really smart woman (perfect English and grammar!) so you should trust yourself to know that you don't feel right.

I know what you mean about the booze and food but ultimately they make you feel a hundred times worse - well they made me feel even more down and weak as my default reaction was to reach for the wine. I think once you deal with the root problem and start to feel happy again, you'll stop relying on alcohol and eating.

This is a really small thing that you might think silly but...can you treat yourself to a really nice shower gel and body cream? Something that reminds you of a good time or makes you feel like you're treating yourself? I started with small things that made me feel like I was treating myself, sounds silly I know but just a small thing like that helped me be bothered with myself again.

Loads of love and hugs to you, let us know how it goes with the doc.

xx

[Hidden]

Welcome and good luck at the Drs.

Sue x

[trachet]

Please don't be scared of seeing your GP they will take you seriously and will help. When I first became depressed my GP at the time and I were sharing lifts to a rehearsal once a week on a Monday, she was very shocked to see the state I was in at her surgery the next day. As a depressive I can make everyone believe I am coping in life and a success in my career whereas I am only hanging on by a thread. I am sure you will be helped in a professional way, and that will start things moving for you. I have only been on this site for a few days and by sharing my thoughts/reading other blogs has helped me feel stronger.

I really hope this is the start of a positive journey xxx

[Photogeek]

Hi Bubblicious welcome to the site. You have made the first step. I think the best port of call would be your GP as you have two other issues. alcohol is a Depressant, and most people who suffer from Depression are advised to avoid it. Especially if you are on Meds. I know that feeling of losing total interest in your self care, but hopefully that will all change. Its great you contacted this site and I would not feel embarrassed telling the GP, they would have heard it all before. Only they can tease this out and see where the real problem is. In the meantime, do some shopping for some nice healthy food, a nice bottle of shower gel, a fluffy bath towel, and start to love yourself. Big hug to you. Let us know how you get on.

Kind regards

Hannah

[JJBeatsDP]

Hi Bubblicious

Big cuddly welcome to the forum!

Yes go to your doctor is great advise! not much I can add apart from printing out what you wrote is also a great idea!

Keep in touch!

JJ

[Bubblicious]

Thanks so much everyone for all the lovely responses and support! I am overwhelmed and feel like there is a bit of hope. I will take the advice of leaving the alcohol alone for the time being as it truly makes me feel despairing after the initial buzz wears off. And I love the idea of the shower gel/treat suggestions!

Thanks for the advice about going to the doctor. I think I will print off this page and show it to them because I know when I get there I'll play it down and pretend it's not that bad. I also opened up to a couple of trusted friends today, which was a great relief, and one of them, who's known me a long time, said she was actually relieved to hear me say that I was struggling because she's known for a long time that I haven't been 'myself'.

I'm feeling really lonely and anxious at the moment though so have cooked myself a healthy dinner and am going now to see about joining a gym. Just the fact of admitting I feel down and joining this site have helped me to make better decisions about the way I treat myself!

Thanks again all for your lovely messages and I'll let you know how I get on at the doctors on Thursday.

B xx

[coatpin]

People turn to drink and eating to try, to forget how they feel. So yes you should see your doctor,, it sounds like your depressed, and accept!! one day you will feel better. It takes work, and acceptance.