Struggling

[Clea75]

Really struggling at the moment. On and off citalopram/escitalopram for years and it's not working. Feel that work must be getting fed up with me getting stressed so easily . Don't want to go off sick but using up my annual leave as feel so tired after 2 days at work. Only feel safe and happy when I'm lying in bed but come morning want to hide away. And I'm a mental health nurse lol. 42 and fed up of this keep happening

[MattBuckland]

Hi Clea

It is horrible the tiredness and worrying about work, just feels so scary and precarious. Do you know why you are depressed or at least what worry/feeling is strongest? I only just worked out at 35 (last year) that my my main worry is fear of failure leading to self hatred and isolation. I know that it started early in my childhood but I cannot pin point it. This has at least helped me to start to work on being a bit kinder to myself. These last few weeks have not been so good and since my breakdown I feel more vulnerable than ever, but at least I have a few more tools to use when things are getting bad. I guess that the drugs alone are never enough, just part of a package that often needs a lot of maintenance. Sometimes finding the package is hard and sticking with it even harder.

Happy to talk things through if you want, if you can do a tough job like you do, you must be a strong person you just need to see and believe it yourself . I wish you all the best and hope for you tomorrow is a better day.

Look after yourself, Matt

[Hidden in reply to MattBuckland]

Hiya, I agree with Matt. Finding out exactly what is at the root of you getting stressed is the key, because you can't deal with the unknown. And once you find out what the source is, the next part is doing something to change that dynamic. But, I guess, from your occupation, you know that. Of course, when you are in a stressful job that in itself takes its toll and can be exhausting, physically and mentally. I believe we all at some point would benefit from a self-assessment/review of where we are in life, what is going well, where there are areas for improvement, what realistically we can to change things for the better, and then translating all that into a 'plan' and working to deliver that. As a mental health nurse you must have given so much to society, now maybe it's time to balance the scales and give more to yourself. Take care,

[rachelej]

Hi

I can totally empathise with you because I’m exactly the same- I too have been off and on citalopram for years and struggling . I go to work and I’m down but feel like im getting on people’s nerves but I can’t go off sick plus I have no annual leave and I’m frazzled - so tired . I don’t particularly like where I work which isn’t helping , but can’t see a way out , so don’t think you’re on you’re own with this because I feel exactly the same x

[MAS_Nurse]

Hi Clea 75, and welcome to the forum. This sounds difficult for you. Are you receiving enough support at home and at work? We all need some support at some time and it is okay to ask for this. I think Sebastian 58 is right when he said that as a Mental Health Nurse you must have given so much to society, now, maybe it is time to give more to yourself. Have you spoken to your GP about how you are feeling?It could be that you are anaemic. This may explain why you are feeling so tired. A blood test may be useful to rule this out. If you need to take time off sick, this is okay as it will enable you to rest and feel well again, which is the most important issue. I hope you will start to feel better soon. I am sure other members of the forum will be along to offer their support. Look after yourself and let us know how you get on. Thank you and best wishes.

[Clea75]

Thanks for your comments. It overwhelms me that people take time to listen and respond. I definitely struggle with feeling like a failure if I don't deliver at work. I've come off citalopram for about 10 days now and everything feels very real and harsh although overall I'd say I'm functioning a bit better. But I've been here before. My boilers broke so I'm cold which feels a bit harsh.

Rachel ej, it's good to know there's others going through it with the citalopram. I miss the days when it made me feel great but matt and Sebastian I know it's not just about the drugs. It just feels like a cycle where they work for a bit and then stop and I feel better without them... Until the next time

I know I need to go for a run as in my past that has always helped... Not so much the run maybe as taking some control back as depression for me means a sense of helplessness.

I wish I had more of a friendship network. I relocated from London to Torquay 3 years ago and feel quite isolated

Anyway thanks for listening. Hope we can help each other