I need advice.. If anyone can help, t... - Mental Health Sup...

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I need advice.. If anyone can help, thank you!

JustALonelyGirl profile image

For the past, I'd say 3/4 months, me and my boyfriend have been causing almost every day. He knows my past where I used to suffer with depression a lot more than what I do know and used to go down a path I didn't want to visit again. But recently, I've not been able to trust myself and have become incredibly scared that I'm going to lose him or even end up going back down the path I promised my mother I wasn't going to go back into. However, more recently the arguments started to happen a lot more and I'd always end up crying whereas it seems like it doesn't bother him.. I have so many questions and yet I feel as if he cannot even give me a straight answer anymore.. Like does he love me? Does he even want to be with me anymore? Is he even bothered anymore? All I need is advice..can anyone help?

Thank you.

13 Replies
Hidden profile image

Hello Lonely

Do you feel He may be using your past as a means of control and strength ?

Sometimes in relationships as the relationship develops feeling become lost and you become needful as the relationship runs down and you become worried that it will end.

Only you knows the answer if the relationship is failing as it would seem He is using your past disability against you and that becomes a lack of respect.

This type of attitude is hard to break so you need to decide what you want as when this type of problem starts it will get worse over the the years. Could you tolerate that ?,


JustALonelyGirl profile image
JustALonelyGirl in reply to Hidden

If I'm honest, I don't want the relationship to end. I've put my everything into this relationship and I'm getting none back. All I do is give him chance after chance. I don't want to keep getting hurt and crying myself every night to sleep, wishing tomorrow would be a better day. But I'm too scared to actually do something about it and it's honestly eating me up inside. I've told him over and over again about how I feel, and it seems to me that he's not even bothered. Instead he'd rather be on his phone talking to other people than actually trying in the relationship.. Do I tell him that it's time for a break? Or do I stay? It's honestly so confusing and so hard to let him go.

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Hidden in reply to JustALonelyGirl

You really need to ask if you are flogging a dead horse here, Love is like shares in a company, there are times to cut and run. He is doing you in and all He is doing is eating you up

Relationships when over, are best walking away from and cutting those losses you will find someone new and most probably will look after you and you will cultivate a new meaningful partnership.

This relationship is not working and if you stay with this man possibly the problems will get worse and worse. As long as a relationship goes on that is not stable the more expensive it becomes to get out of it especially if children are involved.

Do not be a doormat, there are many men out there who will jump at a sincere woman to spend their life with


JustALonelyGirl profile image
JustALonelyGirl in reply to Hidden

That's the thing though, I don't know what to do anymore. I love him more than anything, but I don't want to be treated like a mug either. I promised him that I wouldn't leave him but honestly he's making it so hard with the way he is.

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Hidden in reply to JustALonelyGirl

It is so sad, you need to consider the outlook of the relationship

You could marry and life would eventually be a living Hell

You could try and drag Him along to Marriage guidence as so how it goes


Chloe2057 profile image
Chloe2057 in reply to Hidden

Really like the replies you have given Bob! At the end of the day if someone is either unable or unwilling to enter into an equal caring relationship which is open and honest l have one word of advice as it is 100% guaranteed to get worse! WALK!

That's the thing. I don't even know what my feelings are anymore. I feel like I'm turning into a crazy person, especially with my past and then the same thing is basically happening again and again.

Hi Girl , You do know the answers to your questions, they are right here in your post. You argue , you cry and he isn't bothered, If you have to ask if he loves you then he doesn't. A woman knows when she's loved.The longer you stay the harder it will be to leave. Can you stay with your Mother for awhile or a friend? You should have some time away from him to help you see more clearly. I am sorry you have to go through this. I know it's hard but you deserve to be loved and respected


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Hidden in reply to sweetiepye

Yes I have to agree totally.


I m so sorry you are feeling so low:(

I was struggling a lot a few years ago in my relationship and i know it can cause a lot of stress and it really can bring your mood and your self esteem down.

From your post seems like you care a lot and you don't want just to end the relationship without maybe having some answers?

You said you two are arguing a lot..is the argument about a particular topic or you argue about everything randomely? I think sometimes arguments can be 'good' if they raise as an opportunity to confront issues or even make you more aware of the differences in the couple and they can even bring you closer if it makes sense.

But if you get stuck in a pattern and argue for months without anything changing maybe there's some underlying issues there?

I think that's something i would think about.

And beside the couple issues..how is your depression now?how do you feel in your life outside this relationship?

And regarding your feelings about the relationship..no matter what happens next, whether you split up or not, how you feel matters and you cannot obviously go on like this..have you considered talking to someone about this situation?

I mean anyone you trust and you feel won't judge or won't give you easy answers but will really listen to how you feel and what you want to go from here.

I think doing something about how you feel doesn't necessarely mean the end of the relationship but i think now is about to get the control back and get your life and your happiness back.

You both might benefit from this, both as individuals and as a couple.

Above all, don't lose the hope that things can and will get better.

Stay strong xxx

Sarah1111111 profile image

When we are depressed it can make us feel worse about arguments, as we feel like we are alone/ not loved etc. Do you feel like you are depressed at the moment? and if so did how you feel about your partner change before or after you started to feel depressed?

Sometimes a bad relationship makes us depressed, sometimes depression can make relationships harder work, especially if depression is making us tired or irritable. If you can work out which is which then i think that will be your answer. If the relationship is the cause but you want to stay together then perhaps see if he will go along to couple counselling/ mediation with you. Perhaps having someone else talk with you will help him to see the effect he is having on you and motivate him to change. If he doesnt though you have to think about walking away from the relationship which is really hard if you have put a lot into it. Might be worth seeing if you can get your own counselling too to help give you a space to think everything through. Make sure you have friends and family around to support you x

It's hard when you feel insecure because you need constant reassurance . I am like that I am constantly asking my husband if he loves me and if he left me I wouldn't blame him . It's because I'm low in myself and he has to do so much for me and he works 6 days a week I don't know how he can do it all .

What I feel you might benifit from is to not pressure your boy friend to be validated about how he feels for you. Boyfriends show appreciation by the the what they do for you, if you’re going through a tough time, seek others to share your insecurities and see a therapist. If things have changed between you, then maybe hold off asking him if he has changed towards you? You may not like the answer. Instead seek talking to a therapist. Share your hopes and fears with the therapist. You may want to share the choice you made to see a therapist w/ boyfriend, so he can see you’re trying to make things better with him or with out him. Your letting him know you are important and worth working on. Without saying a word. Put yourself first. Things can improve for both of you after time.

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