The importance of the right therapist

[DragonTears]

Hi all, was reflecting on the importance of getting to see the correct therapist. What I mean is that when I felt so very low and depressed, I took the courage of going to the doctors. It was hard as I didn't have the energy or confidence to do that, but did anyway. I ended up being assigned a 6 session therapy. I had to go to this house where a woman lived (she did counselling from her home). It was a very cluttered room with lots of toys and stacks of papers. I sat in an old worn and stained armchair in a dark corner and I think there were dogs in the house as there was a constant noise from upstairs. The therapist was a large Jamaican 50+ woman (not saying that was a problem) but she was from a large and loud family with lots of kids and cousins and pets and family dinners and food. You know the kind of larger than life busy family. I was suffering from social anxiety, feeling of being crowded, not wanting to talk to anyone, withdraw, be quiet and needed space. The room itself made me claustrophobic with all that clutter and she was the opposite of the person I needed to talk to. She was loud, had an accent i barely understood, she knew nothing about the kind of life I had or the kind of issues I had with my family. She kept referring to her family and how her 20 cousins are so important to her and how family is the remedy for everything. At one point I told her of an incident at my home where we had 6 people over for a diner once and that triggered a panic attack for me, she laughed...she actually laughed at me and said at her house there is at least 16 people for dinner and it is so lovely and full of laughter. I left in tears and never came back. I was worse than ever. It took years until I dared to go again and once again I ended up with a therapist who was so far away from my reality, that I just could not relate to them and they not to me. I need a therapist who is from a similar background as myself, maybe my own age (gender does not matter to me personally).

Have you felt like this? have you had bad experiences with therapists? what's important to you when it comes to the ideal therapist?

Thanks!

[mysmugcat]

oh dear, what a shame. Does not sound very professional. I have had some therapists who were not so good. One was a trainee, very young-sorry and I'm sorry was not really on the ball.

One woman saw me for an initial mental health assessment and was condescending about issues I had about being adopted and regarding my natural mother who I have met-my natural mother has severe mental health problems. This woman had never met my natural Mother, but started saying things like 'perhaps she (my natural Mother) doesn't need to take medication (e.g. anti depressants) anymore'. this would be very unlikely. The lady then referred me to another therapist who apologised to me and said perhaps the first lady did not know much about e.g. adoption. Perhaps that would have been a good idea to do some research/I am not the only person who is adopted! Of course the first lady upset me. Yes, I can be challenged, but she was ridiculous.

It's important to get a therapist who knows about your issues!

[DMM218]

I went to a counselor who gets said nothing helpful. She was like really blank - hadn't got balance right for actually listening. It happens don't give up - your therapist wasn't right for you but there are lots. Next time you can ask a bit more of their experiences before seeing them - a Pre trial phone call so they know you need quiet etc

[Stilltrying_]

This sounds like a most unhelpful response from this lady. It is important you feel comfortable but difficult I know if you are not paying for counselling; you feel you have to pup up with what you are given. Keep on doing what you do, you have strength within and will win through in the end.

Gemma x

[Mommma3boys]

I completely agree. I guess this is the reason I just quit going. I have had 2 different women and they were real sweet, don't get me wrong, but they lacked the way to penetrate me..it seemed like we were just covering 'On the surface' things and they weren't really interested in going deeper. Both Just wanted to get enough in during the 1 hour session to appeal me to come to the next.

I just gave up therapy in general, maybe for the fact that I don't really like talking about EVERYTHING all over again with someone new..and I know that if I don't then they can't help me and they will never know ME. Just seems like a visious cycle.