A family thing?

[G11g]

I'm really looking for information about depression/bipolar disorder. My wife and I have just had a monumental bust-up about money. Long story short - she set her heart on new house and I went along with it, though with reservations - we are in our 50s and resigned to working until 70 plus, which is fine by me. But we had to double our mortgage and my credit card debt has risen substantially. She displays megalomaniac tendencies and if we disagree about something she will sleep in a spare room for a week, weeks or a month before snapping out of it. By nature I am non-confrontational, which she seizes on at any opportunity, almost goading me to violence (which I never had nor would). The thing is her late death was a manic depressive and I'm guessing that it is hereditary, as her brother and one of her sisters appear to be similarly afflicted. Previously I was married to a lovely woman whose bipolar disorder was so destructive that she refused any attempts at getting help and nearly knocked me completely crazy when she left

Any hints or advice anyone could offer would be very welcome.

G

[chloe40]

Hello there G11g

A very warm welcome to you. You've certainly come to the right place and I'm sure our members will offer you support and information shortly. Take care.

Chloe

[G11g in reply to chloe40]

Thanks Chloe.

[WhiteAlice]

Run, as far and as fast as you can. When they won't get help, the mood swings and changing emotional episodes will drain you. I was never so convinced of a man's love & concern as I was with my ex boyfriend. Even though I am still emotionally hurting at our split, I know I am better off away. My God, the anger from him over nothing got worse & worse. His roving eye got worse & worse. He not only lied about every negative event in his life, he convinced himself it was the truth. I could deal with his depression & even his manic days on end building in his carpentry shop. I learned to deal with his pot use. I tried to just love & accept him. Without medication & therapy, though, he was and will remain broken. Any partner who tries to love him will eventually suffer. If your wife doesn't get help, please know that beyond being loving & supportive, you cannot help or heal her. She has to do it.

[G11g]

Wow WhiteAlice thanks - that's something to really think about.

[Photogeek]

I totally agree with Alice by putting up with your wife's tantrums you are enabling her bad behaviour. You need to be tough here and stand up to her, or else she will bankrupt you financially and emotionally, I have been there done that, and as Alice says, I wish I had been much tougher, for me it was too little and too late.

We only have one life so start living and putting yourself first, you dont deserve that treatment.

Hannah

[G11g]

Thanks Hannah

[Photogeek in reply to G11g]

Meant to say that your welcome to the site. I hope we haven't been too directive and bossy with giving you advice. I felt a bit worried it would put you off.

Hannah

[G11g in reply to Photogeek]

No you haven't Hannah - I'm just glad to hear what others' experience of this condition is.

[Candyfield]

Hi.well I think depression is a hard thing to deal with.yes I do agree on some parts to strongen up.but how many years u bin 2gever .u say u in yr 50tys. I'm 44 and be leav me it's easy said done to just leave .grass ant greener on over side .if don't fink u should bye new house not if she's got depression coz it b yr worry .if fink u should. Show her some kisses cuddles .go out 4 dinar. Then say babe if we take this house we can't do this stuff as u can't afford it.and if she still soaks then let her .yes u have got to b strong put yr foot down .it dose help .good luck .😊

[G11g in reply to Candyfield]

Thanks Candyfield.

[Candyfield in reply to G11g]

Yr welcome .stay strong u bin through a lot .I was a spolit girl wen I was young married I'd go in a mood 4 days .but my x husband was a bully I wasn't arourd to have frends or talk to a man .and I'm a funfair girl u got to mind yr stuff take money God I dreaded it if was a sunny hot day wasn't alourd to were summer cloths I'll sweat my u no what of .I all ways fault wat am I doing rong .I did leave him after 14yrs .of he'll. I was 31 wen I left got married at 19.i ad loads of mates but he stopped that.i got depression through him .I did work at it coz of my kids .but there's only so much u can take .I'm now married to a lovely kind man .don't row he's so layed bk a bus can run over him.its toke long time to trust .my new ha husband as helped me so much .I don't go in mood walk out I love him so much .so I have pulled my self 2gever.4 him and me .but that's toke nearly all my life being stuben. Like said if she loves u and u love her .take her out .what ever she says let go in one ear out other.dont throw away .help each over right I best get bk to my house work ha 😊😊🖒

[4everbaffled]

My ex-husband is bi-polar. He didn't help it by becoming an addict, but now that I know about the BP I understand. He went way out of control and bought a 6 hundred thousand shack at the shore in 2005, took out a mortgage on the whole thing, (I even called the mortgage company to warn them but they blew me off lol they never got a penny. and I was nice, I wasn't bad-mouthing, I never have.) He would spend months on the couch, not doing anything, I would bring him meals. It was all over one night when he started looking for his gun in a fit of rage, which I had hidden, and I called the police, and we got divorced after more drama but I will spare you that. Today he lives with his mother and couldn't even pass the written drivers test. I have 2 friends whose families carry the disorder, one's dad used to not come out of the bedroom during his down times, for months, and the other friend's brother committed suicide, the father was a horrible pain in the butt when he was cycling high. It is a dreadful affliction.