Feels like the weight of just getting through each day is becoming too much... I have nothing left in my life to enjoy and no friends and family to share it with. People ask as if they care but hey don't.... They want me to answer I'm fine... But I'm not and then it's my fault AGAIN.
I cant do right for doing wrong.
One problem we all have is when someone asks how we are, replying we say I am ok when we are not really and we cannot say I feel like a wet rag.
You say it is your fault again why do you say that?? I say that to Hazel my Wife and then turn around and say that I will not give my opinion again you just contradict me.
What are you doing wrong ??.
Generally in life I do not make friends very easy, although now, with age I understand that real Friends are very rare Associates and Aquaintances. are more common.
BOB
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I suppose it would be an easy cop out to say the problem must be everybody else... But Then I'm the common denominator. I just alwAys seem to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I've given up trying to help people or talk to people anymore... All gets thrown back in my face. Suffering from anxiety and depression it's hard to socialise but I decided a year or so ago to make the effort. When everyone looked down their nose at me and started spreading rumours and generally insulting me to my face I bought is not bother. Now everyone moans I think I'm better than them. I can't win
I wonder how long?
I don't usually suffer from depression but 20 yrs of a stress disorder has taught me about accepting mental health is very badly catered for.
Not that I want sympathy in a patronising way I still have a brain it's my emotions which are wrongly wired.
The first real step to recovery was to accept I could not cope and asked for help.
It has been a very long journey the first CPN I saw diagnosed my OCD immediately but after a few sessions declared there was nothing wrong and he would never see me again.
Thankfully he didn't.
I have been told since that my intellect belies my illness and this does me no favours.
What made you look up the forum?
The second set p to recovery was admitting to a potential employer I had a problem and name d it.
Such a HUGE step. It was ten years after I had been diagnosed
Not easy but not impossible.
I wonder is this the only place you have 'come out' as it were?
You will very soon find you are oh so not alone
Please keep going you are doing the right thing for you
So do it again
Oh hi and welcome
(((((Hugs))))))
I don't work, I get stress attacks if people stand too close or push or shout at me. That said its not all the time but random enough to be annoying. When it gets to much I react badly like I'm defending myself against attack. I saw a head shrink once.... Most useless 40 minutes a week of my life.
I saw some one from somewhere a while ago because my dad who I care for is physically aggressive (Alzheimer's) and my then boyfriend was as well... The decision from the person I saw was that my physical abuse was my own fault and "only I had the power to change" . I didn't go back to see her again.
Hi
It's good that you have begun to 'winge' after suffering for a long time - but I wouldn't call it wining. Presumably you have had a hard time and are now beginning to acknowledge that to yourself and also to other people such as on this website.
You say people ask as if they care but that they don't and sadly that is true in many situations, people we know vaguely, there are the social niceties that prompt them to ask when really they don't care much at all but are thinking about the next thing they intend doing. However it sounds as though you are referring to people who one might expect to care, such as friends and family, as if you have become disillusioned about the world. If that is so then I am left wondering what has happened to you to leave you feeling no one cares.
Then you say it's your fault again - that suggests you feel it has been your fault in the past, not just once but repeatedly. What's that about? Maybe you can share with us some of your story and then we can begin to help and support you so that you can stop blaming yourself and begin to understand what has been going on for you and why you feel the way you do.
Suexx
I grew up with a family that achieved the best and first in place in everything.... They all in their way set the pace for others with my mum being a genius of a chemist when she was still alive. I was disappointingly average.
I wouldn't have cared but they took great delight in reminding me I was a failure by their standards.
I don't talk to them anymore... The last phone call I made I thought I'd be the bigger man and say hi... Only to be met with are you still fat (when they say fat they mean a uk12)
Oh I do think that was so insensitive of them, really mean. And to call you fat - what hope does that give me at size 22?!
I have a sister who also subtly make me feel stupid so I just decided not to see her - we don't have to like our families even though we might love them nonetheless.
Like you I feel sad not to have a family to be part of, sadly there is no way to replace that feeling and all we can do is to grieve and get on with the remainder of our lives.
Have you considered going into therapy in order to shift the negative feelings you have been left with?
Suex
I haven't had friends in years really... Lookin after my dad is a full time job.
Hello
I do not know our situation and can see your pain, families can be the most insensitive and demanding.
If your problems have been so severe, did your father treat you the same way, referring to you as a failure ?. If so is there no-one left in the family capable in looking after his needs, I remember in my case my situation was made worse as even when I was attending to family members.
Our life is to short to stand nasty back biting, if they are still doing it what have you got to loose.
Attitudes they had with me were basically, what are you after with my Mother.
No one left on his side of the family really and he was only in a home once and they asked me to have him back. Just me. And he was a miserable nasty old git as far back as I can remember
Throughout my life and through my teens I suffered the same sort of thing and because of certain problems this extended through into my working life. All I can really suggest is under these circumstances I walked away from my whole family and now I have started a new life where no-one in my family know where we are. We sold a family home and purchased a new property and adapted it for my disability. Now both my Wife and I have started a new life in a new area and it has been the best thing we have done.
If you are feeling hurt in the society you are in, get out of it and start again. When we disappeared it took time to arrange and the final phases were easier than we thought.
All this can be difficult, although if you are having problems because of your illness and people been nasty to you pick up a case and go. Live your life the way you want if you fail to do this you will have only yourself to blame and keep asking yourself why you did not take actions that may have helped you, Move on. Could your problem become any worse than now. If you disappear.
We moved for retirement, the dregs of my relatives are still around I think, if any are dead, so what The way we were treated was nasty and I suppose if I had died they would have been glad to see my pine box, I also feel they would not have thrown earth on my coffin, it would have been bricks. So we had nothing to loose.
My advice start planning now, even if you do not do it, it will be a positive exercise and any dreams you have may come true
BOB
Sadly I have my father to look after
Sometimes families can be cruel and even though they may not do it intentionally if it is not possible for them to change then I agree Bob, leave them behind. We can't choose our families but we can choose whether to like them. x
Long time no speak!
Life long depression suffer :'(
Its been a long time
