Just joined this site this evening. I've had depression, I suppose, for about ten years now, but only really found out about it a couple of years ago. I've had medication and CPD, but the CPD session ended last summer, and I decided to stop the medication for various reasons. I was on jobseekers for a bit but eventually quit as they made me feel guilty for being a graduate so I took housekeeping and childminding jobs and volunteered part-time at a local museum. This led to me getting a year-long internship with the museum, and after interview I was offered a 12 month contract last summer after my internship was up. It's a good job, it's well paid, I'm extremely lucky to have walked from a volunteering position into a managerial post. I can manage to get up and go to work each day, and complete my workload. Yet none of this takes away from the fact that I do not have any confidence in myself. I feel like I'm drowning each day, and I just want to scream (or more likely, curl up into a little ball and cry as that would be less intrusive to other people). I don't know if people think that the fact I am 'coping' means that I don't have depression. How do other people feel? Does depression mean you have to be lying on a couch all day and not be able to get up? I know if I didn't have a job I would be worse, as having a job means I have to get up and go out, otherwise I would feel even worse about myself than I do now. It's like I have to work so hard just to keep me feeling at a neutral level, and the slightest thing that goes wrong, or feels wrong, is enough to send me into floods of tears.