Is anyone feeling the same way

[Sarah74381]

Hi i care for a disabled husbandand i am on medicaion for depression. My husband can be very orkward very demanding and sometime very inconsiderate and i am feeling like i carnt take any more of it is this just a faze do other people feel this alot i cry i feel down it dont help that i am over weight and tried for 25 years to loss it but instead get bigger and bigger hence the depression and now this on top i dont know what to do or how to feel anymore any advice out there thank in advance

[DiamondHeart]

Hi Sarah , firstly let me commend you for looking after your poorly husband it takes a very strong person to do that. When caring for someone its hard to see where they end and you begin your life sort of molds into one and your not yourself anymore your just a wife and a carer. I have recently joined slimming world , its a great community and you have lots of women there , your there an hour if its possible to leave your husband for that time. Lots of chat tea and healthy weight loss. I know its very daunting the thought of it but you need to get yourself back remember your important and a person too.

xx

[Sarah74381 in reply to DiamondHeart]

Thank you diamond heart thank you for your support and i am going to look today at where my local slimming world is and if possible i am going to get my daughter or son in law to come stay with hubby while i while go will be a nice break as well as helping myself thankyou x

[Luna7 in reply to DiamondHeart]

Hi I can totally relate to you. As am a full time carer to my disabled daughter. X

[WillFree]

Hi Sarah,

I have come to realise depression can be a tricky thing when we can't seem to control our lives. I am not sure if you have tried CBT but it is incredible. Someone kind introduced it to me and I check it. It helps me separate thoughts and emotions. Because when we blur between our thoughts and emotions sadness and depression become part of our daily activities. First try to manage that, it might not make sense at first but once you master very simple steps you get to see everything differently. Next is attitude, you might be going through so much but everyone in the world has issues that they deal with everyday small or little, we need to master our feelings towards the outer world, you are not a victim, your issues do not define you. Make sure to try to communicate with your husband because he might be going through his own battles. The final step is to take action, just work on small habits. Small but healthy habits will allow you to change things drastically and those habits have an effect, you tend to adopt better habits. Healthier habits such as healthier cooking, portion control, drinking more water, walking for 20 mins daily etc. I hope this helps.

[Sarah74381 in reply to WillFree]

Thank you for your reply little steps to big steps i will try that x

[20Voices]

Hi,

Firstly, welcome to the forum. You have taken a huge step by talking about your problem.

I hope the advise I am about to share from my own experiences will help you.

I am on medication for anxiety and depression. Yes crying and feeling down is part of the issues I have had as well. It is tough going through this.

You don't say how long you have been on medication, when I first got persuaded to take medication it took a while for my GP and I to get to one that worked for me and then I had to get the dosages changed as well. So it my help to talk to your GP again.

I also go support from my GP and signed up for a CBT course on anxiety and depression. I then attended a course on Stress Control that my local NHS authority offered. I am now on a waiting list to attend some one to one sessions as I need a little more help at the moment.

As for your husband. In my opinion some people can be very awkward, demanding and inconsiderate without being disabled. Some of the nicest people I have met are people with disabilities and some of the worst people I have met are those who are fit and healthy.

Do you any time to yourself or are you with your husband 24/7?

Why not ask what is available for carers in your area. What about asking for some help, don't be shy of asking for help. You are entitled to a good quality of life as well as your husband and I am sure you do all you can for him.

It is easy to put weight on when you are depressed as it's so easy to reach for the comfort food. I decided that because I did not want to be on pills for the rest of my life that I was going to work on my health with health eating and try and get rid of the excess weight I was carrying. I have done it, but it was hard to start with. What worked for me was cutting down on refined sugar, processed foods and carbohydrates. It is easy to give up on loosing the weight when you feel you are unappreciated as well.

I know this is tough on you and you are not alone. You have so much going on in your life.

Making a plan of what you want for the future is a good idea, I am creating vision boards at the moment, where I create a board that has pictures and phrases that represent my view of what I want for the future. You can do these by cutting out pictures from magazines and creating a collage, or by drawing. You can even create them on a computer.

The one thing that I find is that if someone close to me gets negative about what I am trying then I just think why do I bother. Well now I know why I bother and that is because I am me and I want to be healthy and happy. Don't let the naysayers get you down. Do this for yourself and keep going no matter what they say. It will take time, but you can do it.

I am happy for you to send me a personal message if you want to chat privately.

Talk to your GP and see what help you can get so you can get some time on your own, even an hour a week will help you. There is help out there, just not so easy to find at times.

Good luck and don't be shy to ask questions on here. Even have a look at previous posts and see if they help.

I hope this has helped.

[Sarah74381 in reply to 20Voices]

Thank you so much for your reply it is so nice to not feel alone thank you so much x

[20Voices in reply to Sarah74381]

You are welcome. Take care.

[Hidden]

Hello Sarah

I am a disabled husband and I have been so now for around thirty years. My Wife has the patience of an Angel and has stood by me through thick and thin.

I am lucky in a way I have a CPN who keeps an eye on me and watches my Wife as well, in fact She was here today and it seems to make a little slack between husband and wife.

I do not know the problems your husband has, you need help and a sounding board to bounce your ideas and concerns of, you need a third party to listen to your needs and work on ideas to help you.

Your GP will know the situation with your Husband and will understand how difficult your life may be. In my case they want to get me out the house and look for outside activities, to be honest I am to busy with activities where we both enjoy the same things.

It may be possible to get assessments done in your home to help you deal with a disabled person, it may be a good idea to get a CPN who will possibly introduce your Husband to a local Day Centre, once or twice a week or more, this will allow you to get some quality time for yourself and allow you to get on with work around the house and do shopping etc.

In some areas they may take your husband in over an extended period so you can have a holiday or visit family. Depending on areas there are various levels of support and that can help you move on through life and allow for periods of me time.

Talk to your GP and explain what is going on, you may be surprised what can be achieved.

In my case I get very annoyed with myself when I am unable to help more in garden and house etc

BOB

[Sarah74381 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your reply bob and i will go see my gp x