feeling in a dark place at the moment

[beverley49]

suffering with depression for years when im okay im really high and joyful but i dont know if i am just covering over the hurt i feel inside at times when im so low i would just like to walk away from it all half the time i just want to be all alone but when you have a family who depend on you i cant

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I walked away years ago Bev but it does not stop the stress or depression in fact it has made mine worse in many ways!coming on here helps as there are many who are in the same position so understand when we tell them how we feel! some are in a worse place but still try to help ! I hope someone can give you some positive words and help you ,. I am not very good at talking or explaining things but im sure someone will be able to help you!!

[Cookie84]

Know where your comin from. And it is very hard.

Unfortunately I do not have an answer.

I keep thinking my family be better off without me and I need to get out of this life but then I stop myself by thinking how would they really cope without me. Torn by guilt by havin these feelings. Here if you need to chat. Xx

[beverley49 in reply to Cookie84]

feeling torn also dont know which way to turn as you i have a family and i dont think they will cope without me finding it very hard to know what to do i find it really hard to talk to any one on how i am feeling face to face finding it really hard its as if im in a dark well and i am trying to climb out but i keep slipping and heading back down to the bottom xxx

[beverley49]

thankyou so much i just feel like i need to get away ive got grown up children but i dont want to worry them and i dont want to be a burden for them ive had alot of things that have happened in my life i have a daughter who has a daughter who has a lot of health issues xxxx

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Hi Beverley

I'm sorry you are feeling like you want to escape from your family, it's a natural feeling when you are mixed up about what you feel, as that's stressful and hard to explain to people. Do you have anyone you can share your confusion with? If not then at least you can write here which is a good start.

It sounds like you wonder whether the happiness you feel at times is real or whether it is just an escape from being unhappy or depressed, but perhaps both are real. Most people who are depressed also have times when they are or have been really happy, few of us stay low all the time throughout life even though it can feel like that at times.

You said you have things that have happened in your life which sounds as though you may need to talk with someone about them? Also you have a daughter with health problems and it sounds as though you are feeling over-stressed when you say you just need to be able to get away. It sounds as though things have become too much for you emotionally and that you have been coping alone. Can you ask for help? Your GP might be the first port of call, it depends how you feel about that. You don't say what things have happened in your life but if there has been abuse or domestic violence you could ask to be referred to a group for women in a similar situation, if it is other things you can find help too but I can't advise you without knowing more. The one thing I can say is that if you can find someone to share how you are feeling with then that will ease the stress somewhat. You could ask your GP to refer you to a counsellor, or you might get support with your daughter's health problems depending upon what they are.

Your fear of burdening your children may be the realistic feelings of a mum for her adult children but may suggest you are afraid of being a burden to people in general, I don't know whether that is so? If it is then you have been coping alone for some time and it may be hard for you to accept that you need support. Getting away may be a way you feel you can avoid burdening other people, but isolating yourself further will only make things worse.

Do seek help, either write more here so we can all help suggest where you might approach, or talk to your GP or even a good friend if you have one. Don't try to cope alone, we all need help at times.

Suexx

[Photogeek]

Hi Bev, sorry to hear you are in such a dark place. I think we have all been there, I dont have family myself, but sometimes when I am stressed or feel I cannot cope , I feel like walking away from my own life, sounds silly, but I think its our bodies saying " I have had enough "

Its hard to know anyones exact circumstance, and I can appreciate that you dont want to burden or worry your children, but maybe you should confide in them, the fact of sharing how you are feeling with them will make you feel less alone. I am sure that they would be glad to lend a kind ear, even if they cannot change anything. I know Depresseion is tough, and when you are in this place , take any crumb of help that you can. Have you thought of contacting your Dr. I myself tend to struggle on, and often I wonder if that is the best course.

The only comfort I can give you is the knowledge that these bad lows always pass, maybe go with it and accept you are down and try not to blame yourself. Its an illness and we have to do our best and love ourselves too. Hope this is of some help.

Hannah x