Guilt

[Maman2144]

My father is dying and I am so confused. He has a second family from whom I am estranged. I do not want to see any of them, and if I'm honest I don't really care about him but I feel guilty because I don't feel anything. I have no wish to attend his funeral but I feel the weight of other people's expectations. How do I sort this mess out, being away from them has given me space to feel less anxious and improved how I feel about myself and I am reluctant to spoil that.

[Maman2144]

Thanks, but I live in Scottish Borders and funeral will be in south Yorkshire, so would have to stay somewhere. I think I would be happier not going as it brings up too many bad memories and I would not receive much of a welcome. Going to see my g.p. and try for some more counselling which I found helpful in the past.

[Maman2144]

Thank you but my relation with my father's second family are pretty toxic. I've got an appointment with my GP tomorrow so I'm going to work through this and any regrets that follow. Thanks for your help.

[Hidden]

Then don't!! My father was dying, we made a time to meet after 15 years. I knew he would be ready to apologise for the sexual assaults/behaviour. He died 2 weeks before that date, that we were due to meet. I went and buried him. I now wish we got our few hours together to make it right. Not for him! not for me. But for every one in the family that was hurt as a consequence. Its too late now to say "hey, I hated what you did. but i always loved you as my dad. you hurt me and destroyed me as a young adult, but now Im grown up I don't need you. your grandchildren don't need you and you have missed out on some really special people.... So don't go ... but this is the one chance YOU will get for YOU and YOURS. xxxx all the best on your decision making, it is a hard one. xx

[Maman2144 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for your advice, but I can't stand up to my father's second family so would end upset and to be honest I don't love him. He stopped being my father a long time ago and I am not as nice a person as you. I can't forgive him. Maybe that's selfish, only thinking of myself but I need to take care of myself first. Thanks again.

[Hidden in reply to Maman2144]

You come first, second and last! The departed person doesn't care if you're there or not. As for any one else.... well... XXXX them. Can I say that???