the site feels different: I have been... - Mental Health Sup...

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the site feels different

secondhandrose2 profile image

I have been thinking about why I don't use this site now as much as I did last year...

At times I think maybe I am not as depressed - and in some ways that is true - but even when I feel in need of support and come onto the site intending to write I find I don't want to. Bob's post has caused me to think even more about what is different about the site now from the way it was last winter and can only say that for me something has happened to change the kind of people who write on the site. I feel as if many of the people who write are not seeking support for depression but are expressing feelings about some irritation in life, that they vent their feelings but don't allow others to get to know them nor do they seem to offer support to others. As a result the supportive atmosphere of the site seems missing for me a lot of the time.

I'm wondering what the rest of you feel especially people who have used the site for some time, whether you find it different and if so have any thoughts about what is different?


37 Replies

Dear Sue,

As I wrote on Bob's post I struggle to come here, when I feel.really I have learnt my quirky ways to self heal don't always gel well with others in a similar situation.

When I feel really well I'm out and about trying to fill my days with positivity's to help me during my down times, the only time I here is when I'm in a chilled relaxed phase neither too up or down then I gather support fro. Reading posts like yours but possibly not replying as I feel I don't have a contribution to make or days like today when I am wanting to spread my support and help everyone...we're all a.little different in bow.we use this room but I do apologise if you don't feel supported too..hugs..

Don't apologise, we each use the site as we feel is helpful. I am really thinking about the people who don't respond to other people's posts in a way which allows a relationship to develop. Nice to meet you Sue. x

Hi Sue I'm not sure if you read my reply to Bob and what I think is the matter with

The site.

Yes you are right it has changed and I don't find it supportive really, apart from

Yourself and Bev and Bob and one or two others .

People tend to come here , they don't

( a) Seem to follow basic site civilities

( b) They rarely introduce themselves and then launch into a tirade of petty

Grievances against everyone who has ever crossed their path, it could be their

Parents, their bosses, their boyfriend who has just cheated on them.

(C) they get lots of responses and Pftt!! They disappear never to be seen again,

I do t think these people are Depressed, they are just venting their silly

Frustrations, which really are not for this site. They vent and then hey ho off

They go on their merry way.

This type of person will never be supportive to others, because they are basically

Selfish and don't realise that this site runs best if it's give and take not just

Take take. I for o e have got totally fed up with this and don't waste my energy

On them. They are hardly Depressed and maybe Bob needs to detach a little

From this type of Post. Then if they stick around and are wiling to join in, fine.

It's a case of separating the chaff from the wheat.

So yes Sue the site has got a bit lost, like a rudderless ship, and people come on

When they need help but are a bit selfish about giving help to others. So my

Milk of human kindness is fast running out.

I will be interested to hear others thoughts on this topic too. Plus the sites administrators!! . We rarely hear from them, unlike other sites. Are they alive or what? I feel the whole site lacks something .

Sue hope you have a nice day, it's been raining here in Dublin, but the gardens

Needed it.

Talk later .

Hugs to you across the Irish Sea,

Hannah xxx

Hi Hannah

Yes, that is it in a nutshell - the people you refer to are not depressed but are people who have not learned to adjust to other people, the fact that relationships are not one sided but develop over time between people who give to one another. Generally I find they only want to hear what they want to hear and nothing else - they want someone on their side but don't allow others to have opinions, nor do they offer any care in return.

I feel there should be a site entitled 'Vent your Spleen' where people can just sound off about something and don't have to give in return.

Oh well, it's a funny world. I feel really supported by you and others we both know just being here, that does make all the difference :)

It is gorgeous here, a bit hazy but warm and sunny. Our climbing and rambling roses are in full bloom and growing at such a pace that yesterday I spent the afternoon cutting one right back to the ground in readiness for digging it out in the autumn otherwise it will swamp a 30ft crab apple tree!

I'm ok generally, feeling intensely frustrated by repeated problems at home - a new and expensive tumble dryer that doesn't dry clothes properly, a new dishwasher that leaves some plates really dirty, a kitchen fitter who plumbed in our sink unit badly so we have had 5 floods all over the floor (grrrr) and had to call another plumber out and pay for the waste to be replaced... it goes on and on, one thing after another. But we are both alive and reasonably well and that's the most important thing.

Now I'm off to Ikea to return some apple green curtains which I bought for my art room but found the poles are too wide to fit through the rings... so will go to M & S at the same time, and may find some nice t-shirt or similar which always brightens my day.

Take care, speak again soon and hugs to you too,

Sue xxx

I find the people on here who are angry with their life think they are the depressed person will tell you we rarely have the energy to feel anger against anyone but ourselves.

They should however be pitied as they don't understand and as they are consumed with themselves they never will understand the description of themselves if you try to show them..maybe in the future their will be a name for their illness, best we can do is smile at them and move on with a gentle reply

Yes, I agree with all of that. If they began to take at least some responsibility for their relationship problems, etc or let themselves feel harm that has been done to them then they would be depressed...

I agree with you completely Sue. The problem I think is that there used to be a core of 'regulars' who were in every day and who contributed to the continuity of the site. Over time these have been whittled down with no one to really replace them.

I wonder how much AOD advertise ie on fb or twitter? I really don't want to see this lovely site to die so I do my best and so do those who are left, but there are too few of us now.

Of course I am very happy for those who feel a lot better so don't need the site anymore but I still miss them.

I guess this is the nature of a depression site and no way am I criticising those who don't come in much now. Often they can't maybe or are too busy, which is fine.

Another thing I think is the admins/mods could do more to initiate conversations and keep things going. We very rarely hear from them do we?

I wish I knew the answer Sue.

Good post. Bev xx

secondhandrose2 profile image
secondhandrose2 in reply to

Hi Bev

I agree about the regulars but I think the site won't die from lack of numbers but from too many people who are not interested in forming sensitive and mutually caring relationships - in order to feel supported we have to let ourselves feel for and care about the people who care about us and some people don't let themselves take the time and energy to do that. Maybe it is an age thing as I do feel that as we get older we tend to allow more time for the things that matter in life - including being depressed (ironically) and sharing that with people in similar circumstances.

I don't know any more who the administrators or moderators are - I do know that I was one and when I didn't get involved for a short while they removed me it seems - or so someone told me! I think that's short-sighted as we need as many of the regulars to be involved in moderating so that it doesn't become a burden for just a few people - in theory a good site can monitor itself because of the shared values and attitudes of its members and I do think there are a core of us like that.

I would like to write most days but when I see no familiar names and few posts I can identify with then I find it makes me more depressed than I was already, so tend to turn away from the site and feel what's the point in writing. But whenever I see a familiar name and face I am delighted, I don't necessarily need anything from them but it's like having a little community of people who are just there. Also I get fond of you all and so there is a warmth in being reminded of that.

Well today I took the curtains back and went to m & S... and of course spent more money than I should although I will take a couple of items back. Oh well, I don't go shopping much now so I guess it's ok to have a spree sometimes. I have found there is a women's centre in the town, really not far from where we live, so tomorrow I am going in to meet one or two of the people, just informally during their drop-in time. Also I have arranged to have an initial session with a counsellor though I'm not entirely sure what for! The art therapy sessions are ongoing but the therapist can't make some sessions and anyway will retire in October, whereas I would find it really useful if they are able to offer ongoing counselling or support. But let's see what happens. I do know they have retreat weekends which sound lovely and I might be able to make some friends locally via the centre. While at M & S I bumped into someone from the Ramblers and she and I plus another woman have arranged to go for a shortish walk on Friday to The Dream which is a huge (rather boring) sculpture which can be seen from the motorway - it's set in an old colliery which has been made into a nature park and is pleasant enough for walking and I need to build up some stamina before rambling again. i have gained half a stone and just that amount makes such a difference, so I am also trying to lose some weight again and seeing the local NHS nutritionist fortnightly for support. So there will be quite a lot of support for a while around hopefully...

I've got to go and cook a stirfry for us both before it's too late to eat!

Take care Bev, and I'd love to hear what you've been up to.

Love and hugs,


Hi Sue. I am no way a regular here but have gained much support and insight into my depression over a few years. I value the community I am a part of here, the acceptance, understanding and compassion are all important.

I am reflecting on the start to your post above; the need to form caring and mutually supportive relationships.

You express your hopes for contacts with the regulars and a hope to see familiar names that encourage you to contribute. I would ask you contribute anyway. Your contributions are read and valued by me and probably others who do not feel a need for regular contact but are a engaged part of the community you help create.

My contributions are often in response to someones need for advice or support rather than requests or posts on my condition. I hope these are accepted as intended, as offers of support.

I don't need to feel and care for others in order to feel supported myself, i hope some empathy for strangers and a little kindness will provide some support without a need for a relationship.

I have also responded to the thread on how this community needs to work as it does provide help for me and i hope it will continue to exist for as long as possible.

My needs and reasons for visiting the site are varied and different from yours. You wont get comments about M&S from me but I will try to comment more often to show some appreciation that i may not need myself.



Thanks David - or is it Dave? That's kind of you. Yes I know, the site only exists for others if we write on it, so I do, I guess when I wrote the post I was feeling lonely, missing all you familiar people - maybe I should just have said Hi, where are you all, I miss you! :)

You don't have to comment about M & S - anyway YOU are one of the people who do respond and interact! No, I was meaning people who only write once, have a moan then disappear, or else go on repeatedly about exactly the same thing but without acknowledging that others have responded to their earlier posts - it's that lack of engaging with others that can be hard for me, especially when there are lots of new people and none of the oldies around.

Anyway, the post prompted lots of interaction and I guess for me the need to write it has passed now.

Take care,


Hi Sue

It's Dave, thanks. Don't know why i didn't use that in the username actually.

I suppose a lot of people now are used to fleeting interaction with texts and blogs and Facebook comments and are not used to some sincerity and empathy. perhaps they are just looking for a rant and don't expect a response?

I'm glad the need has passed and the community is still around.

all we can do is keep catching up and hope the site meets more peoples needs so they contribute.

Take care


Ps I wrote this deliberately without reading the other replies. Now I have read them and we all seem to be saying the same thing. Bev x

secondhandrose2 profile image
secondhandrose2 in reply to

Great minds think alike as I nearly always do that because although it means I miss out on further info it does mean that I have my reactions to the initial post. xx

Hi Sue,

Yes I think the site has changed. I would echo what everyone else has said, especially Hannah. I struggle with connecting to the new and infrequent posters. They never seem to stay around. When I joined in March 2014 I remember Sue, Hannah, David, Holly, Lucy etc. and there was a lot of mutually supportive posts and responses.

I don't come on as much, mainly due to going back to work early this year although I have now left but also due to the fact that I just don't always feel I can help those who post now or that I'm struggling too. Anyway I've not been on much this week as my mother in law fell over and broke her hip on Tuesday. She is much better today but it is a long haul to the hospital every day,

Sarah x

Hi Sarah

Sorry about your mother-in-law, hope she recovers well.

I didn't know you had gone back to work, hope leaving wasn't the result of it being too much for you and that you are feeling reasonably ok now?

Yes, those names... I miss the times when we were all writing regularly, but it's good to know so many of us are still around. Gemma too, and then Caroline and Bob...

Anyone heard from Holly? or Lucy?

I'm good today apart from waking with sciatica - no idea why but it hurts!


Hello Sue,

I'm okay, keep meaning to join the ramblers but something else gets in the way. I went back to work in December and then left in May. The job I did and the responsibility added to my anxiety. I have perfectionist tendencies and ended up taking on responsibility for fairly poor performers in my team. It was just very pressurised. I may return but not as an employee but a 'contractor' with no staff reporting to me. Sounds so much better.

Sue you seem to have had some tribulations with the kitchen refit. The plumbing leaking 5 times! Hope it gets sorted soon.

I'm out with the dog or in the garden a lot. It is really hot though at the moment. I did think about venturing to the RHS Hampton court show last week, it's about 30 mins away but it was so hot and then my Mother in law fell over.

I know you have lots of roses in the garden and scented climbers. You also have some plums trees don't you? Are you growing any veg? I've got some courgettes, toms, beans, lettuce, chard and kale growing. Toms are in pots and hanging baskets but they take so much watering. Good job I'm not on a water meter.

Take care of yourself with the sciatica. My neck is playing me up at the moment. Perhaps we just slept in odd poses?

Sarah x

Thanks for your good wishes, yes it was a real pain having a flooded kitchen repeatedly - I felt like battering the fitter and wish he had known his limitations. However I think things are more settled now as everything is working better.

Oh nice to have a dog, what kind is it? (sorry if you have said before, I am useless at holding that kind of info in mind!).

Yes, we have loads of climbing roses and yes, we have two plum trees, one yellow plum which gives too much fruit sometimes though this year one of the roses has caught hold of it so one side may be a bit swamped - another thing to try to cut back in the autumn - and the other is a young Victoria so we don't get much fruit off that yet. We don't have any veg now as Danny can't manage gardening, but we do have raspberries, blackcurrants and gooseberries and he makes jam every year which is lovely.

I know my sciatica is not new and usually it only comes when I stand for too long, but yesterday I walked around IKEA and M&S for a long time so maybe that's why, inflamed hips probably as I am sure I have arthritis there. I had a scan and have arthritis of my upper spine and that causes me neck and shoulder problems which cause me pain when trying to find a comfortable sleeping position and invariably I wake in pain around the neck. Have you had your neck pain investigated as it may be something similar? I found it helpful to know what the problem is as then I can read about how best to ease the pain, for me that includes particular pillows which I have found best through trial and error...

Take care, talk again soon,


Hi Sarah and really sorry to hear about your Mother in Law, I wish her a speedy

Recovery back to health. Sarah look after yourself as being a constant or

Regular visitor can be very tiring.

Hope Oscar is well and your partner, what have you been up to, any more

Dressmaking or stuff. I am going to write a little Post this week to say what's

Happening in my life and bits and pieces.

Sarah always lovely to see your name, and yes I see some Posts and feel

I cannot help them, but I get so fed up when we all answer and they don't

Even say Thanks and they never appear again, I really find that hard to

Understand. So I don't go overboard with people until I get to know they

Are going to stick around.

Hannah xxx

21esme profile image
21esme in reply to Photogeek

Thanks Hannah. I'm well and so is Larry. He is just very tired with working and lots of driving. He is a builder and it is hard physical work. Oscar is well apart from his anal glands. Believe me it isn't nice to have to take him to the vets to get them expressed! He had a bit of an explosion of them two weeks ago. Ugh.

I've been out in the garden, some sewing but that has been on hold for the past week. Had a lesson last Monday before my MIL fell over.

I'd love to know what you are up to and how you have been doing. Love to Luna as well,

Sarah x

I have gained a lot of support from all of you and I'm sorry you feel the site is changing for the worse. I can't always reply as either someone has already said what I would have said or I don't feel able to offer much in the way of advice, probably because I have lost all confidence in my abilities to do anything since I became depressed again. It is getting harder to cope with as I get older. Anyway I will try to make more of an effort to keep posting. Regards to all Lorna.

That's alright Lorna, the fact that you have responded the way you have makes you not one of the people I was referring to, we all use the site as and when we feel it will be helpful.

I'm sorry you have lost confidence in yourself - and I agree absolutely about it being harder to cope as we get older. How old are you Lorna? I'm nearly 66 but don't feel it - sometimes I feel that the life I am living is more like that of an 80 year old, or that my body is so much older than I feel as how I feel is about 50 and certainly not ready to retire from life. However the reality is that I have a husband who is theoretically terminally ill (end stage 5 renal failure) though he may actually outlive me, and that I am overweight, struggle with lots of ordinary tasks and have a house and garden that often overwhelm my coping abilities...

Anyway, it's nice to meet you Lorna and do write whenever you feel you need support or have any thoughts about anything one of us has written - what you write doesn't have to be anything useful, often it's just good to know someone has read our posts and cares enough to respond.


I am 62, with arthritis in both knees, asthma, high blood pressure and depression/anxiety. Despite having lost nearly four stone over the last year it hasn't made any difference to any of my problems except I got to buy new clothes. Sorry to hear about your husband, I could not get by without mine, I often feel guilty because I depend on him so much. Will try to keep in touch. Regards Lorna.

Hi sue I'm new here so can't help you with this one xx

Hi Simon,

Nice to say hello, I haven't seen your name before. No, it's ok, I know what I wrote might have felt difficult to some of the newer people but I think it was important to raise the issue of what belonging to a support site really means - the give and take of it.

I will have a look at any posts you have written so far as I must have missed them, but I hope you find the site helpful as we are a really supportive and caring group of people and I know I have found being able to turn to people here for support has been really helpful when feeling at my worst. It can also be good to feel a sense of belonging when not feeling bad too, it feels good having somewhere to share experiences rather than feeling lonely which I easily do.


Well... I had a look and you haven't written anything yet. Why not tell us about yourself so we can begin to get to know you?


I read the posts most days but have only posted once when I first joined. I guess I just feel like I have nothing meaningful to say. I am really struggling with my depression and anxiety right now. I moved to London in February, started a new job and just moved into a new flat by myself three weeks ago. I have huge anxiety about getting on the tube and have missed work because of it. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist on the 28th to change my medication and I am very worried about that.

I will try to post here more often and get to know people and let people get to know me


Hi Runa

It sounds as if you have a lot to cope with right now, moving is very stressful and London is not an ideal place to feel alone in, starting a new job is always difficult and now you have moved into a new flat! You really should give yourself a big pat on the back and hug for having managed to do those things - even though you rpobably feel you had little choice, the fact is that you are managing to do them!

Hopefully the new psychiatrist will understand your situation and meds needs, so I hope that goes well.

Nice to have met you,


Thanks for your kind words Sue

A lot of the time as a mod you end up being the umpire between two people in a spat, and whatever you do someone isn't happy about it. Being a mod can be mighty disillusioning, which is why I'm not around, though I do pick up post reports and delete posts if I think it's necessary.

That said, I haven't done a great job as a mod. If you want me around more, then I will try to be. As for advertising the site and stuff...That's up to the charity really. I used to be in contact with someone there, however she left them, the other admin Amanda has also gone from what I can see, and I don't have any contact with anyone from AoD.

What I can do: Tonight I will set up a proper suggestions thread and pass whatever you have on to the HU staff, who can speak to the charity.

I do wonder why they removed me as a moderator - I am fairly sure it wasn't anything negative about me but just because they felt I wasn't around for a while but I do think they could have contacted me first to see whether I wanted to continue. They will not keep moderators if they treat them badly.

Hi Sue,

The way I remember it is that you were moderating regularly and doing just fine. But then you forgot your password so had to get a new HU account. You wrote a post asking to be put back to admin status but unfortunately no one was available to do so, or they just didn't bother.

The ironic thing is, the way I remember it was that you were the only admin moderating regularly! And you should so be given your admin role back because you were a fantastic moderator - whom people knew and respected, and were able to engage with.

I don't know who told you that they removed you on purpose but if it was a just site member and not someone managing the site, then I expect they were just rattling your cage.

So in a nutshell, the reason you're no longer admin (and partly the reason the feel of the site is changing) is neglect of the people running it. But they won't keep moderators, or members if they don't pay attention to people as individuals and tend to the site - I agree with you there. They need to do more. Big time.

As for people who are not depressed - I don't think I've ever been properly diagnosed with depression - although I do have other problems like anxiety (which I think can cause me to slide into a depressive state) and Fibromyalgia. The reason I found this site is because I noticed a lot of friendly faces from other communities I was in, but also a few new people too who I've since become friends with. It was quiet and had this sense of community and I slid right in.

I used to be a regular member of many communities but I am so busy these days and unfortunately don't have enough stamina left in my free time.

But sometimes I feel myself really struggling and ironically it's then that I find the energy to pour my heart out (I find the energy in my emotions, all the feelings rising up even if underneath I'm tired) after which I am emotionally drained. I then can't always respond to individual responses because they are difficult to process, and if I do I often have too many thoughts on them and sometimes I don't have the energy to process those thoughts and express them (especially when there's a lot of replies.) I've had times where I've made the effort to reply to my respondents when I felt this way and often felt unhappy - like I hadn't done my reply justice - on reflection.

But I am genuinely touched by people's responses and do do a short, overall reply at the end just saying thank you usually. I guess what I'm trying to say is maybe I am a little guilty of this myself. I do try to help people on here and when I feel like there's something that I can really offer I go out of my way to do it and make sure I do the best job I possibly can. But sometimes I just feel like I don't know what to say to help. I should probably just let them know I'm thinking of them. While I usually try maintain a balance of being cheerful and upbeat with my problems sometimes my posts can maybe slide into moaning. And possibly about what some might consider about just minor irritations. In my defence all I can say is that when I'm, or when one is really struggling - even small irritations can seem huge. Sometimes in particular because I may be projecting my feelings about something else on to them (because the real cause may be too painful to talk about) so they are disproportionate to the perceived caused.

Anyway, what I wanted to say was I'm really sorry if I am guilty of the points Hannah, yourself and the others have made.

I don't think many people know who I am anymore. :/ When familiar faces on here point out the names of people they remember as 'oldies' or 'regulars' very few people mention the name wanderingwallflower which isn't surprising but a shame. I think people are put off reading my posts because firstly I don't write as often as I use to, but mainly because I tend to write lengthy, and sometimes roundabout posts. It's because I get so many thoughts and feelings coming out at once it can be overwhelming and they have to come out the way they come out. I feel it's impossible to tackle each topic in isolation from one another (and do them as short posts) because I might miss something crucial out. Also, I like to write about my life as if it's a 'book' in away, because it helps me to make sense of it and understand myself, and my emotions better. It also gives me the opportunity to notice and correct any irrational thinking or beliefs. I think this has been a significant to the progress I've made. It's good therapy :-) (and I would recommend it to anyone). But I guess the price I have to pay for this, and what I (and people I recommend it to) have to accept is lack of external feedback. Context as well - if I'm following on from another post people won't understand what I'm saying and I think people need to be quite aware of my history on here to just to be motivated to read what I have to say (let alone understand all of it). This is especially relevant now as there's so many new people joining who don't know anything about me.

Anyway I have a suggestion if people want to vent their frustrations about things that aren't directly related to depression. It follows on what you said Sue, about there being a site for people who are just irritated. There already is one called the Daily Gripe (at least there was, I haven't looked for it in a long while) and it's where people can vent about things that do they're heading. So I recommend people check it out to see if it helps them. I think everyone deserves a space to vent their frustrations, it's just about finding the appropriate space - and respecting other people's personal space.

While I appreciate what you're all saying about how this site has changed I don't want to scare off any newbies and make them feel as though they are not welcome. I have met some great new people on the site and I only haven't gotten to know them as well because I'm so busy in my daily life. Reality gets in the way of the time I spend on here basically. But I'm still around and I'm still happy to talk to people. :-) New or old.

Gentle hugs,


P.S. I read some replies but not all of them as I ran out of steam and couldn't take them in.

Oh Fay, I don't remember any of that - especially not the bit about having to open another account - so thank you for remembering. It's lovely that you valued my being a moderator, thank you for that as well :) I tried to be fair and direct, the best way I think.

Fay, I didn't mean you or anyone else to feel they had to apologise - and I wasn't thinking of people who write openly and respond as a person as you have done but of people who moan about their GP, boyfriend, or similar, then disappear, so it feels as if they have awareness of the need to introduce themselves as a person and get to know the people they are asking for support. That kind of post feels impersonal and leaves me feeling that what they have written has little to do with what I have experienced. I do think they need support but I find myself feeling they want something from me but as if I do the giving and they do nothing in return. I guess it is the lack of relating to me as a person that makes it difficult for me to respond. However when I wrote my post I mostly wasn't intending to moan about others but to say how I experience finding only unfamiliar names on the site on any particular day, almost as if I had walked into the wrong party and don't know anyone.

No Fay, don't ever think you write too much or that is a reason people don't remember you. It is difficult to hold everyone in mind - research shows we are only able to hold in mind a maximum of 8 people at a deep level. People like some teachers can hold in mind many more than that but they have a lot of detailed experiences with which to remember people. I find that I recall details about people when they refer back to them but don't remember the person's name or username, as if I think about what they have written but not always about them as people. For me, it is difficult that most of us have both our real name and our username though I know that confidentiality is important for many people and must be allowed. When you just wrote Funkyfairy of course I remember having exchanged lots of responses with you in the past, but even so I can't remember clearly who you are - and yet you could say - oh I am the person who was studying psychology and... and I would think - oh yes, of course - and memories of knowing you would come flooding back. I have a poor memory in many ways, sometimes I think I remember who someone is and then find I have muddled up two people. I find it very sad that I need reminders in order to recall things, the result of my past damaging my capacity to recall... I tend to have to repeat people's names and information about them a few in order to be able to recall them effortlessly, such as - Lucy is the person who teaches, has children, had a mum who drank heavily and then died... Hannah is the person who... and even then I am never quite sure whether I have got it right or have muddled up two separate people. Sorry everyone if I get you muddled with someone else, and Fay, are you the person who was studying at Uni?? Please forgive me if not and give me a gentle nudge to remind me who you are - some key points like a little summary, then I will probably remember you well! :)

I guess part of the problem about any online site is the size of its membership. I think a major problem for this site is that it has become better known and as a result attracts people to write from different countries (I think). I find that confuses things in that often the content of what is written in some posts doesn't feel relevant in the way it is wording to the kind of thing I can relate to - but then I suppose that is my problem and they have very right to use the site. It's always difficult for any group to accommodate what all its members want and I know that I am happiest in a smaller group where I can develop relationships so I guess that's what it's all about for me and perhaps I'm answering my own post!

You are right of course about not frightening off newbies as well... it is complicated - how to be honest and open but how not to offend anyone, always a problem.

Take care Fay and if you do feel like writing that brief summary I would love to be reminded of you as I know we exchanged a lot of writing some time ago.



I feel bad because I'm in an out like a fiddlers elbow and about as much use as chocolate fire guard. BUT you all KNOWW I LOOOOVE YOU RIGHT!

I think of you often and wish you well even if I don't always say it.

And I am MOST grateful that you put up with me and sometimes come out to play...which I love :-)

You have all helped me a great deal and I feel because of you and your wonderful posts and insights, my life has moved on, sometimes to a better place, sometimes to a different place.

So much has changed since I joined and I am super grateful, some good, some not so good but all towards the new me and I could not have done it without you. You are a very special group of people.


Thank you for thanking us all Fay, and pop in whenever you want to play :)


Hi Sue, I have found lots of understanding, kindness , advice and support from this site. I don't always reply because usually someone's said what I would have said already. I do read other people's posts and try to find something to say. Hope you stick with the site. Regards Lorna

Hi Lorna

I'm glad you find the site helpful, I do also at times. I come on the site every day although often don't post or reply as I have nothing to say and often don't recognise the names of the people, usually when I do then I respond.

My feeling when I wrote the post - which was ages ago - was that people were appearing, writing about things that seemed to have nothing to do with depression, and then disappearing. We all only use the site when we find it helpful or feel we have something to offer others, I needed to say how sad I had found the changes that occurred as the site changed.


Hi Sue I feel the same as you in many ways, but I am not sure if it is for the same reasons. I have recently heard about Bob's dilema, it would appear that he has upset someone in some way. But from the responses I have read, and from my short knowledge of him and his posts, I am at a loss what the problem is. It may be that he has upset some of our more sensitive members, when he express respectfully , honest and well meaning opinions, I would hope that this site will always allow people to gently disagree with each other. We tread a fine line, I know, and no one wants to upset anyone. But commons sense has to be applied I think, as we don't want to get into the area of 'Safe Platforming' so popular with Universities, at the present time.

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