Things have gone from bad to cant take anymore.

[butterflykiss]

Now that my relationship of 14yrs has ended it seems now that from my ex moved back in to his dads house that I have been told I am not needed anymore. My dad died when I was 4 and then after was abused by my muns partner. This lasted for 12yrs and when my ex Mum and dad adopted me as their daughter I was so happy to have a dad again. Mum died on 21 January and I was with her when she died. This is still so hard for all of us especially dad but now that we have broke up I am no longer needed. I got a call from dad but it was more of a goodbye call. My heart is breaking and I am all alone in my room..my head is in over drive and I cant sleep and if I do get a couple of hours they are full of night terrors. I am loosing my strength to go on and I honestly would rather be dead than going on living like this..

[Gambit62]

Really sorry to hear that. You haven't just lost 1 person but you have lost at least 3 and that is really hard to come to terms with.

It is quite natural that your ex's dad is supporting his son though I know that is really hard to take. I don't think it is that you are no longer needed - just that, unfortunately he needs to side with his son who is his flesh and blood. May be, once things have calmed down a bit - sounds as if your ex is also in pain and that is why his dad wants to support him - he might get back in touch.

From your other post I gather that you are seeing a GP and seem to be on enough medication to well and truly rattle as you walk around the room.

Are you managing to get out at all?

The lack of sleep won't be helping either - have you mentioned it to your GP?

You are really vulnerable at the moment so is important that you try to eat properly and get some exercise - even if you don't feel like it.

Do you have any interests that you could try to pick up?

I know you probably don't have any enthusiasm for anything at the moment but there is some scientific evidence that shows that if you are depressed the link between motivation and action gets switched so that you only feel motivated once you have actually done something.

I guess another part of the problem may be the tears - try not to worry about them. I find that if I sit and focus on the pain I get around my eyes when I want to cry because I am upset then the tears don't come and I actually feel a little less upset and better able to cope.

I know it's trite but I'm sure that you will feel better eventually. Sometimes just carrying on is the best you can do.

Thinking of you.

[kevinc53]

So sorry to hear all the tough times you are going through. All you have to do is stay STRONG for yourself. Remember, we are all here for you. As hard as it is, sounds like a heap of pain every word you are saying, I can feel the pain you are going through. I know you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, trust me there is coz I've been there. I've been suicidal for so long and I was so scared of what I've become. With help from your GP and family and friends, you will get through this. Maybe it's a good idea to join a community group where you can openly open your feelings. I'm not sure if that would help but when I opened up, I felt so much better just letting everything out. I do hopes you find the strength and carry on, take each day as it comes and light will come out at the end of tunnel. This is a challenge and a test for you and you must succeed.

I agree with Gambit62 that it's not a case your needed, but the fact that your ex wants to cut you out from his family. I would definitely leave things to cool down and then maybe get in contact with your ex dad as it sounds he is more important to you than your ex right now. I do hope you feel better, you want to talk Iam here to listen and support you anyway. Please leave me a message if you want. Be strong x

[mysticblue]

Thank you for answering my question. I do agree with all that you have said. I guess that i am feeling lost and lonley being on my own but now that i have found people here who understang just how hard it is just trying to get threw the day never mind a week is giving me some hope that i am not alone. Thank you Gambit and Kevin for taking the time to reply to me as it has helped me more than i can say x

[mysticblue]

Sorry for the confusion Gambit and Kevin. I had to get a new name as this 1 wasnt responding then but now it is. I will be using butterflykiss for ALL my questions and replys x

[butterflykiss]

Now that I have sorted out my problem with my profile I just want to say thank you for your lovely words. I will try and take in all that you have said as you both understand just how bad some days can be to get threw. Right now i just feel numb.Everyday its different and thats whats causing my emotions to be all over the place i think anyway. You both seem to be very understanding and that to me is light a light at the end of that dark tunnel. Thank you again Kevin and Gambit, it really does help x

[Hidden]

Hi

You have had a really hard time from a very early age, an early loss and then abuse by people you should have been able to trust to care for you. I wonder whether you have seen anyone in order to come to terms emotionally with the abuse? Prolonged abuse does often leave feelings that are very difficult to cope with and it sounds as though you are struggling with an enormous amount of grief as well. Most people would struggle with so many difficult feelings.

If you have not had counselling of therapy for the abuse you may find it helpful to join a group for survivors of childhood abuse in order to feel safe enough to share your feelings. Your GP could also refer you for help although you may find it is only very short term due to cuts in services. Cruse also offer bereavement counselling as do other organisations in different parts of the country. To find help locally you can google 'help with child abuse' and your local city/town, or 'beareavement counselling' and the place name, or ask the local branch of Mind, or your Citizens Advice Bureau.

Do get some help, as it is hard to cope with so much difficult emotion on your own.

Suexx