New guy

[robertd422]

Okay so I've been struggling with some sort of depression my whole life, i'm now nearly 25 and everyday i wake up now i have suicide thoughts, my depression started when i was young, i have never really fit in anywhere and i always seem to attract trouble, i havent been to doctors in a long time about my depression as i dont want to b taking tablets, im evan finding it hard to spend time with the only meaning in life i have my daughter, as its starting to over run me, i also have a job and my own place which im really struggling with, i just really dont know how much longer i can hold on for before its all too much

[sweetiepye]

Hello Robert, I am sorry you have been through such a hard life. You must be so tired and weary of it, but just because your first 25 years have been terrible doesn't mean the rest of your life has to be the same. So many people on this site will want to help you as many have been in the same circumstances . You really should see a Doctor and follow his/her advice. Anti depressants can give you some much needed relief . It can take some time to find the one that works for you, and you don't need to take them forever. They can take the edge off while you start therapy and work to turn this illness around. I know this probably isn't what you want to do, but it works well for most and it's worth trying. If you do nothing then things will stay the same. Life can be so difficult; it can also be wonderful, mostly I find just even average days are acceptable to me. I hope you find your way there. If you get to the point where you can't hold on please call a helpline to the right on this page or even go to the emergency room. I know you have an inner strength to draw on and fight for yourself. It will get better. Pam

[robertd422 in reply to sweetiepye]

see thats the thing i have been to the doctors before about my depression, i was on whatever tablets it was a couple of years ago which ended up making me worse, i have never been a great beliver in medication, you wont find a single pill in my house, but what makes it worse is im actually a support worker, dealing with people who have much worse mental illness than me. also the line of work i do also make me feel even more alone as 9/10 clients arent in or want me to sit else where so i go from working alone to be totally alone at home, except for my dog. i have a 5 year old daughter and shes the real reason im still breathing, any of my worst days i try to consetrate the most on her beautiful face to help these really bad thoughts. i feel the suicidle thoughts daily but can also over come them, i havnt had a attept in over 4 years

[Hidden in reply to robertd422]

Hi nice to meet you. All tablets are different and I had to try 2 others before settling on sertraline which do help. They can all make you a bit worse anyway until they fully get into your system which can take up to 6 weeks. So you have to give them time to start helping.

How about counselling? Have you ever had any and did it make a difference?

If you don't want to go the medical route there is only the self help route left. Have a look at mindfulness and meditation etc. Suicidal thoughts are a red flag that you need help so please get some.

[sweetiepye in reply to robertd422]

I appreciate what you're saying Robert. You probably know more than I do about helping depressed people, but I probably see you more clearly than you see yourself. The tongue can't taste itself if you like analogies. So not just for your daughters sake but for your sake please ignore those depressive feelings, they lie.You can trust people on site ,if they are telling you the same thing you have no reason not to. When you are feeling better you will start relating more to others and you won't feel so alone. One day or even one minute at a time. Pam

[Olderal]

Hello robertd, don't worry you'll hold on , you have to for your daughter. It will be a lot easier though if you visit your GP for some help. You may not want to be taking pills but you owe it to your daughter, who can't be very old if you're 25, to be doing everything possible to ease the burden of your depression. I've taken ADs for nearly 40 years, which I would rather not have done but I had two children and a wife who were largely dependent on me as a breadwinner .Doing everything possible to fight depression was in my book a necessity, a no brainer. I did n't of course know when I married and we had the kids I'd develop depression.

With a dependent young daughter you have to try everything possible that will help, you owe her that. Unfortunately unless you are very lucky your GP won't be able to totally cure you but he will be able to help. The trick to surviving and living with depression is getting all the help you can and the guy who can help the most is your GP. The guy who is next most important to helping is you. You'll have to show a lot of courage and strength at times to fight depression but with a young daughter you should have the incentive to manage this.

Olderal

[je160278]

Hi Robert,

Im so sorry to read of your pain. Unfortunately life throws a lot of curve balls and we have to kind of deal with them in our own little ways. You've probably been to the gp, counselling, taken tablets etc, but none seem to work like wise. What helps me is going for a walk in a park or reading a book to distract? Or maybe even start to write everything down so you can track how your feeling and learn from them. Or maybe try to write down what is most important in your life and focus on making that your priority I hope this helpss