New to the forum

Hi new here and feeling empty. Never thought depression would affect me. Tried to go to work today but just panicked and could not get in the car. Am working my notice and finish in 8 days as recognise I need a career break. Have a wonderful husband but so scared I a going to suffer like my mum in and out of mental hospitals all her life. I used to be so strong but now.......................

10 Replies

  • Hi, im new too and feel like you. I left my job because I thought that was my main issue. But the feelings havent gone. I have so much to be grateful and happy for but just feel sad.

  • I know that many of my issues stem from my childhood but thought they were all put away in "boxes" in my mind. my job is stressful but fulfilling I just knew at Christmas it had to end. I have 8 days left. Like you have so much to be grateful for family and children I feel bad

  • Hi I am sorry you are going through so much at the moment. The trouble with putting problems into boxes is that they never seal very tight and you find after a while that they start leaking and poisoning your present and future.

    The only sure way is to start dealing with the issues and this is where counselling is a very good idea. It is not an easy option as there are reasons why painful memories are kept locked away but unless you do deal with them they will keep triggering. I do speak from experience here.

  • Great answer. I completely agree with the boxes metaphor. And counselling / therapy is really hard, but worth it.

  • Oh thank you :)

  • Hello Sezzey, firstly although treatment for depression is still a long way from being totally effective you are a younger generation than your Mum and treatment is now a lot more effective than it used to be. It is highly unlikely that you will be in and out of mental hospitals all your life, in fact its pretty unlikely you'll ever need to be in one . I assume that you have seen your GP and have been prescribed ADs. These will take a few weeks to become effective but you should be feeling better and more positive soon. Practically all ADs help and over time your GP may find more even more effective ones for you if you feel the current ones are not helping enough.

    It sounds as if you had some anxiety as well this morning and there are self help techniques with this that are effective such as mindfulness and relaxation and breathing exercises . Usually libraries have several books available on these techniques . Taking a career break will give you time to read about these. That won't help tomorrow morning but if you possibly can I would try and finish your notice period as this would be a real achievement , confirm to you that you are still a strong person ( in spite of whatever depression is telling you ) and give you a much better feeling about yourself. I say in spite of whatever depression is telling you because when depressed our minds usually work against us and undermine our resolve.

    None of this will be easy and it will be a difficult period for your husband too but together as a couple you are both much stronger than either would be alone. Your husband will also need the encouragement of seeing that you are fighting this depression as strongly as you can. Take care too ,to reassure your husband how much you appreciate his support. When depressed our own problems mean we can overlook this.

    With a good husband , the strength you have shown in the past, and the improved treatment available for depression you are in a far better place to fight this than many posting on the forum, and in your Mum's day. You are still the same strong person that you were in the past. Don't let depression convince you otherwise.


  • Thank you for your reply. No I've not had the courage to see my GP trying to manage myself with diet and herbal support. Already starting to feel anxious about tomorrow but you make a valid point, depression does make you negative. I've​ spent a lot of the Easter break in tears and spreading returning to work. I will try to go in tomorrow and knock off another day. Thank you.

  • Hello again sezzy. In my opinion to be fighting depression with only diet and herbal support shows a lot more courage than going to see your GP. Very few people have the inner resources to successfully cope with depression without medical help. I wish I could tell you that medical help will make things easy, easier but not easy.

    I've replied several times to posts stating that one immediate plus of seeing a GP is the feeling that one is doing all one can to cope with the illness and one is effectively passing some of the burden to those who should be able to help , the medical profession. All of us react badly to feeling helpless in any situation, and in seeing your GP you are taking a positive step to cope with the illness which psychologically makes one feel less helpless. One is doing something.

    Unfortunately we are still years away from when the medics can instantly change our mood from depression but none the less they can almost always prescribe something that will help and are also the route to being referred for therapy which also helps many.

    I've suffered from depression for 40 years and wish I did n't take ADs which do help but are less effective than we would wish, but I have to accept I have an illness and as with any illness where medicine can help, I take it. ADs can sometimes have side effects (luckily I never had any) and usually take several weeks to become fully effective.

    As some encouragement my depression was bipolar 2 despite which I worked in a fairly stressful managerial job all my career with long spells of happiness, with shorter periods of depression. My circumstances were similar with a bad family history of depression, but with a good GP, and a very good and supportive wife my life was in the main happy and productive, although the depressed spells were admittedly pretty awful. The worst period of all was ,having regarded myself as a strong "rock", to find the family "curse" had also struck me. Its not rare. Once I was through that and accepted I had an illness ,and sought medical help, nothing ever got quite as bad again. It sounds as if you have had a similar shock and you have my full sympathy , but sympathy is a lot less useful than your own courage and resolve.

    Very best wishes Olderal

  • Please go and see you doctor.

    Depression and anxiety often go hand in hand so you might need some professional help to sort out which is the main condition.

    There are some health conditions which mimic the symptoms of depression. Please get some tests done to rule these out. Treatment options are up to you so don't feel pressured into prescription meds straight away. Talking with a trusted person always helps.

    You are stronger that you realize so hang in there and if you can't get to work take a mental health day. Call in sick.

  • I totally get how hard it can be to seek medical help as it took me ages too to pluck up the courage to go. As a result my depression had got worse, so it's really not worth the delay.

    Options -

    See if you can take someone with you for support. You can write down how you feel and just give it to the doctor, you won't be the first person to do this. Try and pick a doctor whom you think will be understanding and supportive (ask the receptionists if necessary).

    Remember too that doctors have heard it all and they spend a lot of their time dealing with things like depression. Apparently it's the second biggest reason why they are consulted after back problems.

    We are all behind you and will support you all we can. Let us know how you get on.

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