new to this....

[maryelizabeth1983]

i am at university, studying a really difficult degree which is very demanding and in july lost a extremely close family member and my father is no longer involved in my life because of his own demons.

depression is something many of my family members suffer with and my brother has been self harming for years.

i am not at this point.

but i feel like i am sinking into a pit and i can't get myself out of it.....

i dont want to continue feeling like this.... i have tried counseling in the past which was a temporary help but never truly felt like i achieved anything great from it.....

i don't even know if people are able to help here. but i feel alienated, my friends don't really understand and my mother is a brilliant mother but she doesn't seem to understand how i really feel and keeps on telling me to continue on with my education and 'get on top of my work and i will feel better'...... highly doubt anyone will read this.....worth a try though.....

[Hidden]

Seems you have a lot on your plate and stressed. Not a good combination. Remember there are others out there worse off than you. Hard to believe but there are.

At 16 lost my father to a gunshot wound, at 17 my grandfather, at 18 my grandmother. Was pregnant in 2004 and lost the baby, 3 months later husband died in an accident (my son's father 2 weeks after his 16th birthday), (still in probate 9 years later), my mother is terminal with duodenum cancer. I lost everything, house etc and now live in a council flat. Still waiting for probate to come through on husband's death.

I have a medical condition which is rare and no cure so now I'm in pain 24/7 365 days and suffer from depression since 2004.

I know of others who are far worse off than me. Sometimes it is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

[Jeffju]

I think you need to see a GP and get some behavioural therapy or maybe CBT. I went to counselling and found it of little help,( in fact I spent most of the time in tears!!!), but now go to CBT with a great psychologist. Though slow going, ( my own fault), we are making gains.He gives me strategies to deal with my problem and talks sense to me when I can only see the 'downside' of things or am being irrational.

Please go to your GP and see what help is out there for you. You should be enjoying Uni life, though I know it's hard work. Please seek some help and I wish you all the very best.

[reggie]

Hi mary elizabeth, I read your blog and it got me thinking your young under a great deal of stress and depression is not hereditary it rears its head at anyone who is finding life difficult I was fine until 2009 when my son was born and within 3 month I was diagnosed terminal with a very short time which I have since passed but my life crumbled yet here I am on borrowed time with the experience of been there and being able to understand just how quick depression draws you in without you being aware of it be strong there is light at the end of the tunnel

[annie87]

I suffer with depression please do not let it beat you, you are at university the world is at your feet. Some med of gp will help with feeling low. Your mum maybe just dosnt understand no1 will ever understand depression unless they have it themselves. I hope you get sorted and all the best with university, member it's all in the mind get up in the morning and sat to your head I am going to study and be happy and you will. The mind is a strange thing sometimes but you can control it. All the best x

[Photogeek]

My best advice is to go straight to your GP, when you are feeling better you will be able to cope better with studying. Your Mum means well but probably doesnt realise how Depressed you are. I would find a good Dr. and put my trust in him or her. Medication is not of course the total answer but it gives you that breathing space to enable you to make the changes you need in your life. Don't give up, but do take care of yourself, eating right , a bit of excercise and some social life too.

[SueBeeSue]

Hi maryelizabeth 1983. I have found that people do read the blogs posted on this site and personally I've had a lot of support and help from it. I really hope you do to. Sometimes people don't respond because they don't know what to say or are in such a dark place themselves don't feel able to respond at that time. However often the blogs help others who can relate to the points being made and it helps them realise they are not alone in how they feel. People here do understand and I think the sharing does help reduce the feeling of alienation so many of us feel. As you say, even good friends and family with the very best of intensions sometimes just don't seem to get it do they.

It does sound as if you are going through a very difficult and stressful time just now. I know that feeling of sinking and struggling to find a hold. It's great you've taken the step to use the blog and reach out, to recognise the impact your feelings are having and to want to take steps to stop you feeling like you do. Those are very positive steps I feel. Have you spoken to any of the support services at the university? They may be able to help on a practical level with the problems you are having with the course, but also provide access to other services to help with the feelings you are having. I'd also advise a trip to your GP.

I do hope you find the support you need and please do continue to the use the blog, people do read them, do care and do provide support. Take care. All best wishes. SueBee Sue xx

[Hidden]

I haven't much advice to offer you, except perhaps physical exercise... I periodically suffer from anxiety and perhaps depression and often, but not always, find a period of intense and vigorous exercise has amazingly cathartic and cleansing properties. I for one do a lot of road cycling, but I'm sure it could take just about any form.

If it's of any comfort I too am a student struggling to juggle one thing and another. Haven't quite figured it out yet. If/when I do you'll be the first to know!

Hang in there - I'm sure you can beat it.

[redroseart]

hello i am struggling at the moment to come terms with the death of my little dog then 5 days later my mum died. i feel like i have noone to talk to.coming on here helps but i feel like there is no light for me.

[katie2012]

I know other people have mentioned that there is always someone worse off, and that definitely is true, but I have found that this kind of thinking has led me to feel really guilty about being depressed. It took me a long time to realise it, but for a while you just need to be a bit selfish and focus on yourself and work out how you think it would be best to deal with things. I found counselling really helpful because it's made me realise that it is OK to be sad and it is OK to cry. But I also think that you have to be ready for counselling and that it does involve making your own lifestyle changes at the same time. I'm also on antidepressants and the combination of everything has helped me to realise that things will be OK and I don't need to put pressure on myself to 'recover'. I still have a long way to go but I already feel much better than I did 6 months ago. One of my problems in the beginning was that I expected a quick fix and it took me a while to come to terms with the fact that there isn't an easy solution. I feel really lucky that in comparison to many others I've been able to find the right solution for me relatively quickly. So don't give up

I do agree that you need to speak to your GP to make the first steps, but do it in your own time. And rant and rave about the world as much as you want to!!

For me, I find this site really helpful. Sometimes I find it easier to write down my thoughts rather than say them out loud. When I'm writing I don't expect people to read or comment and it's a bonus if they do - and an even bigger bonus if I feel I've been able to relate to others.

Hope this helps

Katie x

[Hidden]

Hi, I really agree with Reggie that because family members have mental health problems doesn't mean you will too, they are not hereditary in the straightforward way. However it does sound as if you have a lot to cope with in terms of probably having past experiences of having to cope with your father's and brother's problems and their effect upon you, then leaving home, doing a demanding degree and then the death of the family member. It would be a lot for anyone, even the strongest person, to cope with without some support. Have you approached the Uni counselling service. I'm not sure whether you have written about that in another blog, perhaps you have tried that? They're not all good but some Uni services are excellent, it depends on the Uni and demands on the service. If you've tried that and not found it useful, or if they can only offer a few sessions then I would ask to be referred for CBT which will help you cope, or else you could do one of the online self-help CBT type courses that are free - if you google self-help therapy online you should find some, I can't recall the links but have looked at quite a few over recent months. Your mother may be a brilliant mother but if she doesn't understand how you feel then there is also a way in which you need something she can't give you, perhaps that was a problem for your father and brother too, that's not suggesting your mother was to blame but simply some people need things that other people are unable to give them and that isn't anyone's fault, we all have our limits and our own histories. Perhaps your mum finds depression a scary thing and finds it hard to allow herself to empathise with your feelings because if she did she would feel things of her own, there may be all sorts of reasons. Do seek help either from the counselling or GP, it is natural for you to be struggling and not a sign of illness but you do need some support and to learn skills to help you cope and feel happier. Suexx