I'm feeling really scared

Hi all,

It's nearly that time again, families getting together. I'm getting myself worked up as I'm gonna be by myself. Having BPD I do over think things and I no when that day comes, I'll be a mess and will feel like I'm not wanted. I'll just get myself in a state and think of my mum and I'll just wish I could be with her. My Psychosis isn't good at moment either, I'm seeing a black shadow wearing a long black cape with a hood in my flat walking about. I'm also still hearing voices. Today robots where talking to me. My Quetiapine has been increased to 175mg. But I'm not sleeping, at normal time. It's 5am and I haven't been able to sleep. Just things going round in my head. I'm scared of having a bad psychotic episode over Xmas, like I did a few weeks ago and police getting involved. Just feel like no one understands what it's like for me to have severe depression, borderline personality disorder plus psychosis.

8 Replies

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  • Do you think you would be safer if you could be admitted and cared for?

    Lori

    Xxx

  • Hang in there Claire105 i am a fellow sufferer too whom will also be alone .. Talk to me on the day if you so wish

  • Hi Claire. I'll be taking care of my little nephews on Christmas day but I will endeavour to check in as and when I can. I'm sure there will be others on-line as well so please don't feel alone. Jump on here and post away! We here understand and we'll do all we can to support you.

    Okay, I need you to do something. I would like for you to learn deep breathing: x4 breaths in, hold until the count of 4 and then x4 slow and gentle breaths out. I would also like you to try ditching the 'what if' thoughts. You must try with all your might to not get so wound up over the day. Are there any activities that you can do at home to keep you busy? Preferably things you enjoy.

    The other thing you might like to do is devise a list of emergency contacts that doesn't include the police for you to call only if you need to.

    Please relax and try not to get wound up. After all, the day might go smoothly for you.

    Sending you hugs

  • Hi I emphasise with you as I have spent several Christmas's alone and it's not nice. For the past couple of years I have gone to my sister's bf's flat with her. Although it's not up to much it's better than being alone I guess. It's only for a few hours though.

    How about we hold our own get together on here for Christmas? We could have a cyber party and each decide what to wear and bring. If you would all like this I will put up a post inviting you all to my party! I will be on here on Christmas day and we can all toast each other with our online party :) x

  • Oh yes count me in coughalot2 I will sure attend with my doggywoggy woof woof he says

  • I think that's a brilliant idea coughalot2!!! Our own Xmas party online. I'm up for that. ☺️

    My worst fear is I live opposite the sea. Only a stones throw away. It's so tempting when I'm at my worst. A ledge and then a drop into the sea.

    I do my deep breathing but sometimes it's not enough. Mindfulness helps me fall asleep. I don't no tho.......... things just eating away inside my head that I can't stop. I have appointment with my mental health worker on 30th Dec.

  • Hi I too live very close to the sea too and there are high cliffs with big drops there.....more than once I have been very tempted. I understand exactly what you are saying. We will have our party and I will put a post up very soon. Bev x

  • Keep up with the meds Clair , I always knew when my mom missed

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