It's nearly that time again, families getting together. I'm getting myself worked up as I'm gonna be by myself. Having BPD I do over think things and I no when that day comes, I'll be a mess and will feel like I'm not wanted. I'll just get myself in a state and think of my mum and I'll just wish I could be with her. My Psychosis isn't good at moment either, I'm seeing a black shadow wearing a long black cape with a hood in my flat walking about. I'm also still hearing voices. Today robots where talking to me. My Quetiapine has been increased to 175mg. But I'm not sleeping, at normal time. It's 5am and I haven't been able to sleep. Just things going round in my head. I'm scared of having a bad psychotic episode over Xmas, like I did a few weeks ago and police getting involved. Just feel like no one understands what it's like for me to have severe depression, borderline personality disorder plus psychosis.