2 as 1

Is it possible to feel you have two people running your emotions and feelings but living as one person.i have wrote down how I feel as 1, then as 2

Number 1 can talk, express feelings,feel hurt, confused,irrational thoughts enter my head and I can write and speak how I feel at that time

Number 2 is embarrassed about no.1, wished I had not said or wrote anything,clam up,I ignore 1,..I am fine, don't tell anyone or they will think I am insane.wont even tell doctor.

Am I truelly mad, it is the first time I have ever come to terms with this and wrote both sides down to try and show my therapist later. I have promised myself not to rub anything out and see what she says later. I just hope I can show her the paper. If all this sounds confusing.... can you imagine how things are in my head. My number 1 scares me as she is impulsive and in the past I have even tried to take my own life.if anyone could shed some light on this I would be so grateful.

Thankyou

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11 Replies

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  • You are in the mad as logs club along with so many others including myself .. But it could be normal .. I cannot define normal as I don't know what it is like... Mental illness has many facets

  • This is something I can't joke about... sorry, but to me it is very real and troublesome at times. I am trying to come to terms with things at the moment and being low doesn't help.

  • Sorry but I wasn't joking. I am a sufferer of suicidal thoughts and I have a plan .. Doesn't get more madder than that in this crazy world

  • try and think positive your going to see your therapist and show her all the things your thinking about. im sure you will get this sorted out. it can all be rather frightening. its good that your getting help. you will get this under control as i can see that your somone who wants to do whatever it takes to feel better. your not mad. your human and just having identity problems at the moment. keep your chin up and good for you for getting help. love grace xoxoxo🤗

  • Thankyou Grace x

    I showed my therapist the things I had written. She is vey good at reading me and I ended up speaking about things I had never told anyone, ever.The only negative side is that I knew I would have terrible dreams after... and I did. She explained that things need to come out so they can be dealt with and she will help me along the way.

    I think the only problem is when things have been.brought up I struggle when I am on my own as they become at the forefront of my mind.This is why I don't talk about things,I never have.i suppose it's my own coping mechanism I have picked up along the way.

  • its really good that your getting things out that you have never spoken about. you must have a really good trusts with your therapist. i know what you mean because by talking about all those things that youv kept buried you have released all the emotions that go along with it all. so thats a good thing ,its hard to deal with all those emotions that your releasing, but you will get over it eventually. take your time and dont get overwhelmed with letting out to much at once. your doing so well. as all those things we keep buried eat away at us and we dont realize it.over time, bit by bit you will feel much happier and healthier as you release all the pain and confusion and begin to understand yourself. understandng is the key. i dont know you but i have a nice feeling about you and wish you well. love grace 🤗

  • I know there is the me who does what she thinks is expected, and the me who sees things differently and makes her own choices. I like the second me better, the first me gives into pressure and ends up depressed. I've never talked to anyone about this, but I think about it a lot.I am a happier person when I am true to myself, but there is usually a price to be paid. You aren't mad, you're trying to figure out who the true you is Don't be afraid, write letters of encouragement to yourself , write to me. Pam

  • Hi I think everyone has 2 sides to them but some have more difficulty than others in reconciling them. I am like you and all my life have been constantly at war with myself. I put a lot of this down to not being the person I should have been if I had had a more emotionally satisfying childhood. In other words my 'true' self is fighting to get out and my negative side is stopping it because of fear or worry about being hurt. x

  • This is very true. I often talk about the two Lori's with my fitness trainer.

    One Lori wants to be on the treadmill, wants me to eat the fruit and veg, wants me to go for long walks and get lots of fresh air.

    The other Lori, the more dominant one, is a hedonist. She isn't bothered about whether she goes to the gym, but she can't be bothered with anything that takes too long. She will eat the crappy food because it is quicker. She'll sit and game instead of going out for a walk because the ground is wet, or because it's a Tuesday, or because a shoelace is untied.

    But it extends further than this. It goes as far as my general motivation to do anything. There is rational Lori and emotional Lori. Emotional Lori knows that she is being irrational, whilst rational Lori wishes she felt emotion. If that makes sense.

    You are right though, I don't know how to reconcile the two.

    Lori

    Xxx

  • i just call this contradictions. i have many. sometimes when i have those arguements the 3rd person shouts, shut up. dont worry to much. if you really listen to people you will hear them contradict themself a lot. they are really arguing with themself. they may make a statement about them self or thier pesonality then immediatly deny it. its quite funny, dont be afraid. your the one in control. you will find the real you when your really need to.nothing and nobody can make you do anything you dont want to. i'v taken oversdoses myself some were brought one through ant psychotics especially the withdrawel as the paranoia and pain was so bad i could not bear it. i knew it was a long withdrawel process and felt trapped and thought i'd give up. the physical effect were also unbearable. i will never take anti psychotics again and i dont think i can even bear anti depressants either. i spent almost all my life on those things. nothing was cured im still learning to cope without them. taking them just blocked it all out and caused other problems. that was my experience.ll the best love grace xoxoxo 🤗

  • Feeling like 2 different people is not unusual. It could be something medical (like bipolar) or it could just be that you are conflicted between who you want to be and what others expect of you. It's good that you told your therapist and that you shared with us. I often blurt out things I later regret and at other times I regret not speaking up. It's a skill to know when to be free and when to restrain. I'm still learning. It doesn't make it easier if you still hear in your mind all the authoritative voices of your life telling you how to feel and act. Don't be afraid. We like you just as you are & are listening. 😊