I am not fine. I am not writing this post for support or reply, i simply wanna write about how I feel.
I suffer because I have to pretend that I am good. No one can bear the amount of negative feelings i have.
I worry so much. when i plan for something I don't do it because i have no enthusiasm and i always feel tired. the last-important school year is coming up and I can't even plan for anything for today... I am so much tired. i want a break from everything, I wanna start all over again...
I know how you are feeling. It sucks any energy out of you. Makes you retreat. Bed feels like the only safe place where you can shut off and. It have to pretend. I've had depression for 15 years and move between denying it and seeing it. I think now that my gut was the issue. I've tried to cut carbs out of my diet and have had 12 level or good days. I'm taking a probiotic supplement and it's made a difference to me.
I get a mental boost eating fish or miso soup. It's temporary but a good diet is vital to support your brain.
I am trying to find a therapist to talk to, some conditions are not helping, Thankyou
I'm in uk so I can get to doctors and don't have to pay for meds etc. I think you're description of how you feel means a talking therapy alone isn't going to solve it completely.
Have u had blood tested? Sometimes vitamin deficiency or anaemia can cause such fatigue. Not the negative thinking though but if you've been lacking vital minerals etc long term then that could cause Depression.
Father is not there, mother cares about her health more than she does about mine. She always expected me having anemia because of losing weight (which is actually because of depression) but she didn't think about testing blood because as I see she doesn't like going to doctors...
I also have something like losing breath or breathing gets tough sometimes after being stressed and anxiety, i read that if i see a doctor and it's not physical illness , so it will be because of stress and anxiety. I told her i should see a doctor. She said we would do that later but actually we didn't go anywhere
Can u go to doctors yourself?
If you can't go by yourself - is there another family member - aunt, grandparent can help? If no, then you must start talking to someone about how you feel. Bottling up negative thoughts and emotions is really damaging for you in the long run. Losing weight because of how you feel is also very worrying. You can message me if u want to talk privately. I'm a good listener and have never heard anything which made me judge a person.
Please speak to someone, friend, parent, doctor. You shouldn't feel so bad about yourself. Your inner negative thinking is affecting your life. This can be stopped. Please get help. Unless you are murdering people you have no reason to feel so bad. Whatever you think is wrong with you the chances are it's not. Depression can cause this circular negative thinking. It's an illness that takes away perspective. It's an illness that builds slowly so you can't see how bad it's getting. This isn't your fault. You didn't cause your depression. Often it can be a result of long term stress. If you are a teen then your brain is still wiring up. Depression can be a feature when the wiring gets messed up. Things like diet and exercise will help reboot and rewire but you may need medical help also. Get help and advice now. It's won't get better without help. Take care be strong talk honestly
If u want to chat specifically about how you feeling message me.
I so understand this. Dealing with lupus for 28 years, disease has now entered into Lupus Psychosis. The hallucinations (visual & auditory) are enough to put you in a dark hole. I have great doctors and getting treatment. I am so sick and tired of people asking all the time “How are you?”, I always reply “Fine”. I am not fine, I want to scream. No body walks OUR path, however it’s up to us to get support/treatment. My goal is to write a book on not being “fine”.
I am not normal 
I feel like I am done.
THE MOUNTAIN IS JUST TOO HIGH AND THE LOAD TOO HEAVY
