I have been a member of this forum for years but I haven't wrote any posts for ages and ages..
I feel like shit at the moment, probably partly because of the time of year, I am lonely, single, no kids, my family live in a differnet country and I have had addiction problems since I was 15.
But the major thing that's freaking me out at the moment is the dreaded ESA medical!!!I had an appointment a few weeks ago but they sent me home coz I'd taken all sorts of pills and a couple of shots of vodka so I wasn't compus mentus. My experience with medicals is that they will fail you, hope you'll go away and claim jobseekers, which in my case would be impossible as I would be sanctioned for not meeting their ridiculous criteria within a week. So I will have to appeal it, but that in itself is a full-time job and i just haven't got the motivation and the energy for it. I know I have no choice, but I'm so tired, thoughts of suicide are creeping in more and more again, and i wake up crying every morning just at the thought of another day in my miserable lonely life.
Sorry just had to rant and get this off my chest, hope everybody's had a reasonably ok day..
Holly
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Holly101
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Holly, so good to see you on here. I think about you often and how you are faring. I completely agree with you over the medical. I have had a letter about PIP which is a slightly different thing but it is a benefit I have to apply for since my DLA finished. It is making me incredibly ill and I am suicidal too. All I can say is try and hang on in there. Hopefully they will see you are not coping. It is a very cruel system on people like us and we should not have to go through this but don't let it defeat you. Sending hugs. Gemma.
PS In a way your post has helped me because I am feeling exactly the same and it is always good to know there is someone feeling the same. I am single, lonely 58 with absolutely no future and I'm just trying to carry on for a few more hours at a time to be honest. xx
Hi! Good to hear from you too! Awk I know they're evil bastards that medical mob, they don't care in the slightest how these things affect us.. The letter you get when they fail you says "this may come as a shock to you.." Yeah no kidding!!
I get PIP as well, but as its kinda linked in with ESA I'd loose that too if I don't pass this medical.. Its been keeping me awake at night and making me literally feel ill with dread .Even when you're on it for x-amount of time ur always on tenderhooks waiting for that form to come to ur letterbox 😩
It does help knowing someone feels the same eh, and I'm sure there's thousands and thousands of people like us feeling the same!!
Take care of yourself and thanks for ur reply, I'll try and come back on the forum more often!! Luv n hugs, Holly Xx
I'm single and 58, and so lonely, my head hurts as I'm stressed and scared about the future. So glad to know I'm not alone with these feelings! But incredibly sad as its painful and soul destroying. Everyday is a struggle to get up in the morning and face life! When I feel I have no life. I sincerely understand your pain. Your in my thoughts.
Hello, Welcome back. It is nice to see an old member return.
I just do not know what to suggest with the DWP, yes it is a real trail and no matter what we say we are stuck with it. Do you know if your GP has sent out a report for you at this time ??
Holly if you are feeling near the edge call the NHS HELPLINE on Tel 111 and explain your fears I know when you are down you can become very low. They will have a chat and send out the Crisis Team to talk with you.
When you talk to your GP regards above explain your negative moods and He/She sould help you.
Hi Bob how are you? Good to hear from.you and thanx for ur advice and words of encouragement!
My doctor is an arsehole unfortunately, the last time I got a letter off him supposedly supporting me he went against me rather than helping my case, so I won't be asking him unless they make me if I have to appeal..!!
I'll just have to wait til I've been and I've got the results and try not to worry about it too much.. Easier said than done tho lol
And also try and keep going for my mum"s sake and my brother and anyone else I'm lucky enough to have that loves and cares for me..
Hope ur doing ok Bob, take care for now, luv Holly.
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sorry!
I need help 
just a little song for all those on there own
I’m new here and I have had depression for over ten years and now recently me and the gf have split and I’m struggling at the moment :(
