I'm new here, I don't understand why I feel like this and I've never felt so powerless. Truth be told I'm scared.

[Jack779]

I’m not sure why I am writing this, there is no good reason why I should feel like this. I have a father who cares about me, good friends and I’m enjoying university. However I cannot shake this feeling, it’s hard to explain because I’m not sad. It’s different, the closest I can come to explaining it is to describe it as like being underwater. I feel disengaged, what’s worse is that I don’t even feel sad about things when I should. It may come across like I don’t care but that couldn’t be further from the truth, the problem is that I can’t manifest my inner feelings.

I don’t want to feel like this and I don’t always. I can go a day maybe even two and I’ll feel fine. Then the next day I’ll wake up and I’ll be back to this. It’s more than this feeling of detachment though, I find myself tearing up at the most benign situations. There is no trigger, it just happens, no matter how hard I try I can’t stop it.

This feeling of helplessness is compounded by regularly waking very early and being unable to get back to sleep even though I am so very tired. It makes me feel trapped, lying her for hours unable to sleep, unable to get out of bed and exhausted all at the same time. I know it sounds ridiculous, I should be able to sleep if I am tired but I’m not exaggerating.

I have tried to solve my problem because I should be able to. It’s something to do with how I feel and I should be able to influence that. Since I tried to take my own life 5 years ago I’ve taken part in counselling and CBT. For a time I felt different but now I am back to this. I have stated exercising again regularly to train for a half marathon which I am hoping will help in the long run.

I am sure I will be better in the long run and I will deal with this but I am worried about the short term. I am scared about what I might do, because I don’t want to hurt those people who care about me. I think about ending my life every day because it seems to be the only option. I don’t want to do that though, I fight it, I try to focus on the positives and pull myself forward. I guess I just worry how much longer I can go on before one moment of weakness means I make a final mistake.

I’m not really sure why I am posting this, people here have their own much more difficult battles to fight. Maybe it helps to just write it all out, I’m not sure. I feel like I am losing my mind and that scares me.

Jack

[Wolfaera]

You're not alone Jack. I can feel the same almost every day, thinking death but getting beyond it and having my head go back to it. Feeling disengaged but caring at the same time. There is no right answer, I think, but it does help me to know I'm not alone.

[Hidden]

Welcome to the site

Sorry you feel cold to those around you, do you have any idea why you feel the way you do ?.

In my Mental Health problems I suffered years of certain types of brutality throughout my life and now I seem to deal with my concerns quite well although I suffer Chronic Pain that will last for the rest of my life.

When you had your CBT did you discuss your concerns ?. Were you given any coping skills to control your condition.

With my concerns sometimes I feel like a cat caught in the headlights of a car, unable to move when I am really suffering.

Due to your concerns and thought of Suicide you need to be proactive and ask for help from the NHS HELPLINE Tel 111. They can help as they have certain pathways that can help you.

They contact Local Crisis Team, and remove people to a PLACE of SAFETY. so they can gain help and assistance, they can also triage and recommend certain pathways that may help you.

You could also make an appointment with your GP. Make a list of your fears and Depression this will help and make good use of your Appointment. Sometimes you can ask for a double appointment so you have sufficient time to explain your corner

B.

[sweetiepye]

Hello Jack,Did you get a definite diagnoses five years ago? How long were you in therapy and did you get to the root cause ?You need to find out the under lying problem . I think I would start over and see a GP, being totally honest about how you feel. He'll probably recommend a psychologist, meds, and counseling. Taking action like this will make you feel more in control and that's important . Everyone has problems and yours are as important as anyone s. You can't do nothing and hope it goes away, it doesn't work like that. Ending your life is not your only option. You cannot believe the bad thoughts you are having. Your mind is lying to you now. You obviously want and need help because you wrote on here and that is good. I hope you continue to be a member and let us help you. Pam

[tofler]

Sounds like another bout of depression to me. Are you prescribed any medication for it? Time to re-visit some of the ideas and strategies that you learned about from CBT previously. For example "should" statements are an unhelpful thinking style. Do you have any self-help strategies which have worked for you in the past? There's lots of useful books and websites out there. Have you come across mindfulness yet? The exercise that you're doing is a great start and will help you. Do you drink much alcohol?