Constant crying, depression and pain.

[Weejo]

It's been a rough 16 months, a herniated disc, excruciating sciatic nerve pain, fighting the system to get scans, appointments, financial difficulties, surgery where pain was lessened but nerve damage still left significant pain and numbness which is very slowly improving but will take 1-2 years to know just how far it will resolve, job insecurity, my mum got cancer, demotion due to restructuring, mind numbingly boring job now.

I'm so down, tired, constantly crying, with no interest in anything.

I used to rely on exercise to stabilise my mood and keep depression at bay. but my injury has severely restricted what I can do.

I've just started antidepressants and cbt to try to find a way to improve my mood and get back to me.

I'm mostly tired at work as I find my repetitive tasks so boring. I'm considering taking some time off to try and reset myself. but I'm worried I'll just lie on the sofa or in bed.

Any suggestions?

[HelpingHandSam]

Have you tried colouring books something like that... You can get specific ones and they should relax and brighten your mood. Your jobs the hard one though...

[EmDj1998 in reply to HelpingHandSam]

I love to colour .. makes me feel good once I've finished what I started of only situations were that easy to solve.

[HelpingHandSam in reply to EmDj1998]

True true

[EmDj1998 in reply to HelpingHandSam]

Sure is ... im struggling with deppression and anxiety mood swings and mood changes. I can be fine one minute and like a tornado the next. I broke down yesterday and went crazy i wanted to make things smasj I picked my sister's old tv up and threw it on the floor trying to take my anger out on something . I wasn't like this 3 years ago. I've changed and to be honest I don't even know who I am anymore. Things I do day to day night to night when I'm with people it doesn't just feel real. Like a dream it's not real for me no more.

[HelpingHandSam in reply to EmDj1998]

Have you tried seeing a counselor? x

[EmDj1998 in reply to HelpingHandSam]

I've done councilling since the age of 10 it was. I loved going but she isn't there anymore she understood me and I trusted her I can't trust people anymore my trust is broke people keep fucking me over and off.

[HelpingHandSam in reply to EmDj1998]

I'm here if you need anything at all. I don't judge and I'm here for as long as you need me 😀

[EmDj1998 in reply to HelpingHandSam]

Thanks. Things getting better sort of my faince lost his job been made redundant and it's got him down.. I'm helping him look for jobs so I'm helping I like to see him cheers me up

[MattBuckland]

Hi Weejo

I can empathise with the back trouble I had most of my discs between the L4 and L5 cut away a few years back and have never know pain like it, months of struggling to even walk/move around a small one bedroom flat.

I was lucky in that my recovery was quick and although I still have pain and have to be careful when doing any heavy lifting most of the time it is okay. I do have one of those angled cushions for my chair at work, which does help my posture.

If you have just started anti depressants and CBT then please, give yourself time.. I got that advice on hear a lot when I was at the worst part of my breakdown a few months back and it is true. You sound like you are putting the effort in which is also tiring so you need (and this is the hard bit) to accept that you are tired, there are good reasons and it is okay to be so.

Exercise wise, walking is better than nothing, so if you get a bit of energy just follow your feet. You have said that the numbness is improving so to me at the moment you have no evidence to suggest that at some point in the future you will not be able to do the activities that you enjoyed and that helped your illness.

The work issue, you have to do what's is right for you and you will need to follow your gut on this one. BUT....if it is just avoidance then it might not be a good idea. I had two weeks off with my breakdown, couldnt walk, talk, feed myself, getting a shower was a massive achievement and every day was pretty much one big panic attack - I thought I was going crazy. I went back to work at first too long and then on reduced hours and this is my last week. I a man not 100percent there but in a far better place and it took about 3 months. I feel you can be at work it is probably best but a few days off for a break are not a bad idea, I know the weather is pants but if you do it, don't spend all your time on the sofa as you may feel worse.

If the job is boring and easy, then at the moment use the energy for your CBT and physical recovery, when you are in a better place you may be able to look for something else or push for a promotion but at the moment you are what's is important and the priority.

Sorry for banging on, happy to chat again if you want.

Look after yourself, Matt

[Lizbett]

Weejo, join the Pain Concern group here as well. They should be able to give you good advice about pain management. Please know that the more emotionally wound up you get, the MORE sciatic pain you're going to feel.

Wishing you peace 🌹