Depression taking over

[listofproblems]

I've had depression since the age of about 10 and I am now 22. I cant help but think that this isn't depression anymore and that it has now become a part of my personality. I am the most negative person in the world. You could tell me I'd won the lottery and I'd probably still find a way to make it sound like a bad thing. Everything irritates me! The sound of someone breathing too loud for example or chewing loudly - it puts me in a bad mood and I have to leave the room. I just don't enjoy anything anymore and my poor boyfriend walks on eggshells with me. Sometimes I wake up in an okay mood and other days I can't even stand for anyone to talk to me. I just want to be happy and shake the label of being miserable and boring. I have 2 friends literally but one lives miles away and the other has her own business so is pretty much always busy. I don't know what to do with myself but I cant remember the last time I was happy for more than a couple of days before the mood swings start to come back with a vengeance. I'm on sertraline 50mg and it has bettered my mood slightly but nothing too great. Thanks for listening, id appreciate any advice xxx

[Satsuma]

I have suffered depression for a long,long time .. Mainly because I have many negative situations in my life. I am slowly eradicating them though. Negativity feeds depression.

[listofproblems in reply to Satsuma]

Thank you for your reply! I too have experienced some negative situations in my life recently, from car accidents to being informed I'm infertile. It's so hard to remain positive but I agree that negativity feeds depression!

[Stilltrying_]

For what it's worth I've always thought there ought to be a new category in the DSIM (or whatever it's called) the thing that lists mental health problems. I think there should be a category "depressive personality disorder". I often used to think I had that; I have a very strong predisposition to feel negatively and that everything is pointless. I now seem to have done a "convincing myself job" just to live for the moment and see life as very superficial which has stopped me thinking deeply and therefore I am less suicidal because my expectations are so much lower.

I wouldn't give up on the meds; I think you should try different doses different meds and also ask yourself about your life situation and how you would like things to be in an ideal world and that may make you realise why you are so unhappy right now.

Gemma xx

[listofproblems in reply to Stilltrying_]

Hey, thank you so much for your reply! I totally agree. Everybody tells me "you are SO negative" but I just can't help it and feel like I'm more of a realist than anything. I've heard of the term "fake it until you make it" so I agree, maybe that's something I need to try and it might just convince me that things aren't so bad. I find myself avoiding sad songs and movies that contain anything negative in them because they make me worse. I am definitely gonna give the meds a little more time because I've only been on them about 4 months but if I still feel like this, I may see about upping the dose. I really don't have much to feel sad about, I start uni in January and am becoming a nurse and I have a great family but I just can't seem to shake the bad things from the past

Maria

xx

[mysmugcat]

I can understand a lot. I'm just musing now. Is there anything that you still like, fires you up a bit? I like going on holiday, day festivals/longer, animals.... I like to have something to look forward to, keeps me going a bit, fot me it's my holiday coming up.

[listofproblems in reply to mysmugcat]

Thank you for your reply! I love holidays and relaxing sort of activities like swimming or being at a spa. I have some money coming in soon so I am definitely going to treat myself. I think I need to just come to terms with the fact that I have been through a bit of crap and maybe I deserve a treat.

Thanks again xx