Hi, ive just joined this site. I'm just looking for some advice really as i feel a bit lost in life.
I am 17 and i have suffered from severe anxiety since i was very young, I have never been diagnosed with depression but i'm sure it started back when i was 12 due to this anxiety.
I have just got an apprenticeship - my first job. Ive been there for 3 months now. It's 35 hours a week (8-3:30) and i am really, REALLY, struggling. Whenever i say this, people either think i'm just a lazy teenager or "welcome to working life". I am just so tired all the time, my job isnt exactly stressful, but then again i manage to stress about everything!
The slightest thing sends me into tears, every evening when walking back to my car to go home i'm in tears, every time my family ask about work i'm in tears. I'm just really scared and lost. I feel so trapped in a job, it seems so scary that i cannot just stay at home if i'm having a really bad day like i would for school.
I know everyone has to work, and i'm not saying i'm not willing to try, maybe less hours until i, i dont know, maybe actually sort my head out one day. But am i ever going to get used to work? I know i HAVE to work, but if i'm going to feel like this for the rest of my life i don't think i'll cope at all.
I know people also say that working gives your life that well needed structure when you have depression - but in all honesty i was happier without work. There was a few months between school and the apprenticeship where I had no work and it was honestly the happiest time i can remember. Yes i had my bad days, yes i would still find things to cry about, but i wasn't tired all the time, i went out every day with my dog which i LOVED, i would regularly go out with my mum, which again i loved. And i now don't get to do these things because i'm either working or i'm recharging my energy at the weekend.
I'm sorry i have rambled on, i just don't know what to do.