depression or anxiety?

[Mel-93]

For the past few weeks i've felt really down, can't concentrate with tasks at work, i just seem to let every little thing get on top of me and just feel weak :/ i've not really had one day this week that i haven't just sat and cried

i'm constantly paranoid that people are talking about me or annoyed with me, my confidence is gone to pretty much zero.

my thoughts keep swaying to everyone will be better if i was gone, which i know is wrong coz i have a bf who adores me but its still doesn't stop me thinking it.

i guess even how i think is pretty negative but im usually upbeat and happy and i just want to be like that again, just fed up of being tired and no energy coz feels like i waste all time and energy worrying about everything

i'm not happy in my job, its not the best but everyone has that issue i guess but i'm worried if i changed job that i'll still feel this way

[Hidden]

Hi I am sorry you are going through such a bad time. It certainly sounds like depression but I am no doctor and can't diagnose you obviously. You need to seek help from your doctor for a proper diagnosis.

There are plenty of online depression tests which can give you a guide so have a google if you think this could be helpful. x

[Mel-93]

I want to seek help but I don't know how to ask for it :/ they always ask why you want an appointment and I wouldn't know what to say and I worry there not going to take me seriously. x

[Hidden in reply to Mel-93]

Hi,

I know exactly how you feel. It's not good to be so low and look at how you used to be. I've been working my way back out of the low I've been in.

I have a couple of tips for you that might help.

You don't have to tell the receptionist at your surgery exactly what's up with you. You can be vague or just tell them it's personal and you'd rather talk to the doctor.

Make a list of everything that's been happening with how you are feeling and also rough dates as well. This will help you if you find yourself getting emotional when you are at your appointment. Don't worry about getting upset, it happens and the Dr. will be this can happen.

Take someone with you if you really need to.

Check out of your work offers any kind of support. I know people don't want their employers to know when they have this type of problem, but some companies do offer support or may have notices up about groups or courses that you can attend.

I know exactly what you mean about being so confident and upbeat to feeling so low and how it makes you feel where you get to the stage where you say "What's the point?" but you won't do anything other than crawl into a corner and cry.

The good news is you can get better. I know I was where you are last year and this year I've made so much progress to getting back to being me.

Check out what courses are available in your area with regards to building self confidence and there may even be ones for anxiety and depression as well. Your Dr may be able to sign you up for some of these if the NHS authority in your region run these courses.

Take care, you can get better and it's good you have a BF to help you.

The people on this forum are great and have helped me a lot.

Let us know how things go.

[Maria1971]

Hi Mel

I'm going through the same thing as you, I totally get how you feel. Although depression is something I suffer with from time to time I know that outside factors can have a big influence on how I deal with situations. Paranoia, tiredness and lack of confidence are only just a few of the side effects depression can cause. Please get help from your GP if you feel like you are being bullied by the receptionists at your surgery then find another surgery. They should not be asking you why you are making the appointment that is none of their business. I had to tell my receptionist that I was contemplating suicide for her to take my appointment seriously, but she was treating me so badly I felt so angry I just told her, funny enough she soon enough got me my appointment.

You say your afraid of changing your job but if your job is making you feel unhappy then you need to try something else. I sound like a total hypocrite now as I have been with the same employer for 25 years but I have changed jobs within the company. Some people I have worked with have been really good for me and others have not. You are right I can not guarantee that you will find your dream job but if you do not try you will never know. I am currently off sick with depression due to work stress but I wasn't this person three weeks ago. I was the person I so desperately want to be again, confident, happy and trusting. What has happened at work has set me back months I do not feel like I will ever be that person again, but I know I will. Because time and medication for me is a good healer and I can only reassure you that if you give yourself time and the right treatment for you, you will able to control this and learn to live with it.

Please get help and keep in touch, love Maria x

PS I agree with 20 voices also.

[Karlawarla]

I have just joined this site and I can't believe how the way people are describing the way they feel is totally ME what frustrates me the most is the ignorance and lack of knowledge towards mental illness and people just think that you want their sympathy vote and "you should pull yourself together" or "it's mind over matter" you would probably be taken more seriously if you had a broken arm or bad back !!! I have suffered for years with depression and it has caused many relationship breakdowns. I am in that dark place again at the moment and I keep having time off work because I can't manage to drag myself out of bed in a morning. This makes me worry even more -do I have a longer period off to try and feel better or do I just go to work on one of my good days ????

I have been on antidepressants and they don't seem to work and even councilling.

Any advise or a magic wand would be greatly appreciated xx

[Mel-93]

Thanks everyone for the advice

Took the nail on the head and ask to speak to my manager to tell him how I feeling at the moment and he was really understanding which has took a bit of weight off my shoulder, apparently other members of staff had noticed the past few weeks that somethings not been right, I'm gonna try see my gp next time I'm free as shifts are crazy at the moment and get myself back on track.

[Hidden]

Hello

See your GP as soon as you can if suicidal or contact the Samaritans. Your GP will arrange a treatment plan for you and that may send you down the correct path.

Do you really understand what is causing your depression as the knowing helps in a recovery especially if you also feel Paranoid

When it comes to your job, ask for help from your GP, then if you feel your job is pants consider then what you want to do

BOB

[Maria1971]

Dear Mel

Good to hear that your boss was understanding, it's funny how you discover people you've never noticed before when you talk about depression, you're definitely not alone in your suffering. Please put yourself first, I always put work first because it helped me to bury what I was really feeling. Now for me work has become the problem so I can't hide there anymore. Please keep in touch and tell us how you get on with your doctor. I hope that you get the right advice and help from your GP.

Do what you feel is right for you. Thinking of you.

Love Maria x

[Mel-93]

Just feel fed up!!

Past few days have actually been ok, and got to spend the day with my bf today but half way through the day I just started crying uncontrollably for no reason, it's hard for him to understand which i get especially when I don't understand why this has happened! I thought I was doing so well!

[Maria1971 in reply to Mel-93]

Hi Mel

You will feel fed up, I feel you want to get better for your mood to improve but you have to accept the fact that you can not control this and allow yourself the time and space to heal. Have you seen your GP yet? I think counselling would be great for you just so you get a chance to talk sometimes it helps work our root causes of our symptoms. You've got a lovely supportive bf but he's not an expert on this. I totally freaked my husband out the first time I had my breakdown he felt so helpless, although I knew he loved me I needed to help myself. Please, please get help, you will get better, but for now you need the right support.

Love Maria x

[Mel-93 in reply to Maria1971]

I haven't been yet but because I've managed to get through the past few days I thought I was finally getting somewhere, been trying hard to let things go over my head at work and started to feel like I can have a bit of control but feel like I've took one step forward and 5 steps back x

[Maria1971 in reply to Mel-93]

Yep that sound familiar we all want to run from this and when we have what we consider to be "normal" days we think we are on the road to recovery. I do this to myself all the time not sure I am ready to go back to work next week but still pushing myself to do it because I just want to stop reacting this way. What you are feeling is totally 100% normal and I totally get it. Just don't suffer on your own, get private counselling if you can afford it join a group in your local area of people who also suffer with this they may be able to guide you. It's not always about medication, although I had tried many alternatives before. Please don't try to fight this on your own.

Love Maria xxx

[Mel-93 in reply to Maria1971]

Thanks for your advice Maria

I decided to show my bf my posts on here so he could understand better how I felt, which worked coz I struggled to tell him how I was feeling and when I did he couldn't understand.

He gave me a bit more space which has helped me.

I've started looking for another job though as I feel that's the main cause, even though things are going ok now I don't like to be in the place, I only have negative feelings for it now and I don't think that's good for me.

So hopefully by new year I'll have a different job! New year new start!

Hope your ok back at work

Love mel xx

[Maria1971 in reply to Mel-93]

Hi Mel

Yes I'm back at work however the self help therapy is not working spent today crying at my desk and no one came even though they could see me crying. That's the kind of people I work with. Not sure whether to ask to go to another team where no one really knows me I'm not sure if that will help at all. Have tried applying for jobs with other companies but not hearing anything back. Not sure how much longer I can keep this up. Work has become the problem and it was always stressful but was never the problem before.

Wish you luck with your progress at least you've recognised where the problem is it's just a case of changing your life for the better and that can be the hardest thing to do.

Love Maria xxx

[Mel-93 in reply to Maria1971]

Hi Maria

I think a change of team with a new bunch of faces may be the best, like a new start to help you settle back into work

Clearly your working with the wrong people if they don't notice a colleague in distress :/

Failing that, a new company my be better

All the best with what ever you decide, just do what make you happy

Love Mel xx

[welly10]

Sounds like poss low mood right now if it's only been a few weeks but get to the docs and seek advice if turns into depression it gets harder the longer you leave it.you need to find what is making you feel like this and change it.