Darkness

Hi everybody. I have no one to talk to as people generally don't understand, so I joined today with the hopes of finding some form of help and to talk to someone or maybe just vent. I am currently in uni and while this year has been challenging, I did well at school and have applied for Honors. I don't have any real friends except my boyfriend but we broke up three days ago. He wants to get back together but I cant because of a number of reasons. Anyway, I had seen a therapist for a while two years ago and I developed new coping methods for what I believed was social anxiety and depression. After writing my last exam on Monday which I did not do well in, and post breakup I have been experiencing insomnia. I have not left my apartment because I am not yet ready to. I just feel like my life is falling apart and I am the reason. I drank wine at times to help me feel better but it only makes me feel worse the day after and never really solves anything. I have a lot on my mind particularly my future.If I don't make it to Honors next year I have no idea how I will support myself and don't want to be a burden to my family financially. I just feel like a failure. All my peers have made it and I have no idea what direction my life will take and this scares me. I feel like the problem. A weirdo, outcast. My family is going on a cruise this December and I don't wanna go. I do not belong and need to deal with myself. I also don't want to be bad company or a nuisance to anybody . Everything is falling apart. I have now ceased having a menstrual cycle although I am not expecting, my ex and I were always safe. I don't want to go anywhere or eat. I wish I could just sleep forever. Because reality is horrible

[lin62-65ze]

I am so sorry that you feel this way. You are obviously a very clever girl as you are at Uni. From what you write you are going through a very negative period in your life, unfortunately, shutting yourself away and being negative is not going to help you😢😢

Please seek help from a therapist, doctor on campus or someone of that nature, the longer you leave this the worse it will get. You are young and should have the world at your feet, if you get help now you can go away with your family and relax ready for next term. I am sure you will start to feel better once you have consulted someone professional, DON'T throw away your future, if your family knew you were feeling this way they would be upset.

If I was your Mum I would want my daughter to be well and loved by everyone, this will happen once you are well again Love Helen xxxx😊😊😊😊

[deejames]

Lin62 made some very relevant comments. May I add that perhaps a pregnancy test might be in order whoever safe you think you were. Just to rule it out.

Dee

[shoppaholicsue]

Hi,

Yes I agree with lin62-65ze There is usually a counsellor on campus. That should be a useful commodity. Why is there a counsellor on campus? Because its a common problem to be going through. Most of their "patients" are like you - they try and cope alone, don't share their problem with friends, many have pushed friends away too because of this. Don't stress about the family cruise. Do what YOU want to. You may find it once and relaxing if you go. you may want to stay and have a bit of "me" time.

Anyway, now you have found us there is always someone to talk to here.

Sue

[Hidden]

Hi, Sorry you are having such a rough time. I agree with the other posts that you should seek help and advise from the Uni therapist.

It is understandable to not be sleeping at the moment with the stress of the exam and your break up. Sometimes your menstrual cycle can stop due to stress, but it always worth just getting it checked to ensure that is the reason. You have learned good coping skills from your previous therapies, but it it worth seeing someone just as a reminder and maybe another therapist can recommend other techniques.

I'd suggest avoiding the alcohol for the moment as it'll only add to your problems.

I'd think you are doing the right thing with your boyfriend and if you have good reasons for the split then don't get back with him.

I am sure your family are really proud of you and that they don't think you are a failure. I know you are not looking forward to the family holiday, but a bit of sun may do you good. Can you talk to your parents and let them know that you may need sometime to yourself while you are on holiday?

Try to make sure you are staying hydrated and eating well (fresh veg and fruit, especially).

Exams are always a worry and sometimes we can worry so much and then find out the results are not as bad as we expected. Is there a guidance counsellor that you can talk to about working out what your alternatives are if your results aren't as good as you need. It would be good for you to talk this through with someone as it may not be as bad as you think.

I know the weather is awful at the moment, but try and get out and get as much light as you can. The horrible weather can sometimes make us feel like things are bleaker than they really are as well.

You've got a lot happening at the one time and it's natural to have down moments. Take it day to day, make sure you get up, eat and get some fresh air. Please see a therapist to help you through this and if you can talk to your parents about the holiday. Don't be hassled back into the relationship with your boyfriend you deserve to be with someone who makes you happy.

I used to think that I didn't deserve to be happy, that I was a horrible person, but over time and with help from a therapist and people I trust I have learned that I do deserve to be happy. We all do. Take it a step at a time and remind yourself everyday that you can control your future, you deserve to be happy, you will make friends, you will succeed with your studies. Positive think does work, but I know how much of a struggle that is when you are feeling down.

Take care.

[David196]

Hi

There is so much going on for you at the moment in so many areas of your life. Anyone would be swamped with worries and anxieties when they have so much uncertainty and cannot yet come up with a plan for the future.

Two things stand out for me in your note above. "I feel like a failure" and "I feel like the problem."

I doubt those can be true.

You are making important choices, you have coped with a challenging year and you have sought help here rather than deal with these real challenges alone.

You are sharing your concerns in an articulate and clear manner. You are in control of several aspects of you life at the moment but it is not surprising you may be overwhelmed.

When I am suffering a episode of anxiety, my negative thoughts spiral out of control and add to my real concerns.

It sound s like you may be doing that too.

As others have said, draw on your previous coping strategies, and try to find someone local to talk to about your anxiety.

You have real things to sort out but those are best explored when you can put them in perspective.

You have described a lot of your situation in absolutes. "All my peers have made it. Everything is falling apart.

Try to examine your statements and find the flaw or refute the statement. That is a coping strategy for me and it helps me regain perspective

I would suggest you also try to talk to other students about their fears for the future to put your own in perspective. No one has everything sorted but some just don't share their worries or just hope everything will be allright.

Keep venting here if it helps.

Take care

Dave

[Hidden]

Hello

Sorry you are a sensitive person dealing with a personal relationship that has broken down at a very bad time of your life

When I was at Tech College I was engaged and it really caused problem between the two of use. She was also studying a Medical Tech course and our study was affected by the worry of extensive examinations and homework that seemed to pile up on a daily basis. She lived in Colonies and was here to study for her occupation at home and I was taking a complicated engineering course. Our life was complicated and our relationship became more important than our studies. The relationship eventually failed and that affected both our studies that had moved along at a very rapid pace.

The breaking relationship caused problems and in my case I stopped dating for several years as the wounds were so deep.

What I am saying is generally relationships do not go well together where Uni or College are concerned Personally It caused problems with family as they were paying for my attendance and travel as the College was very specialized and I had long days of travel

Talk with your College Social Welfare team and explain your concerns and worries.

You will also need to talk with your GP (Doctor) who may be able to arrange some talking therapy. Personally medications for depression can cause a dumbing down of the brain, that I learned from experience so you need to take sound advice on a suitable way forward.

You need to talk with someone who will not judge you so that is why someone who is not a friend or family will be the best choice as your problem could most probably be relationship based.

We are always around for a chat, if you have not taken advice do it now. If you have taken advice and gained support you may be on the way of understanding the pathway you need to take

BOB

[Fiftyfive]

So sorry to hear that you are feeling so low. Speaking as a Mum my son had very similar problems at Uni and due to not seeing him too often it was ages before I realised there was something seriously wrong as he kept it to himself as he later said he he had felt ashamed. He did try counselling at Uni but it wasn't till he came home and saw our local gp that things began to get better. He was given a course of anti depressants which he strongly resisted but within 6 weeks he felt much better and was able to get things in perspective. I am pleased to say that he didn't take the medication for too long, but long enough to lift his mood and now 4 years on has his dream job and having a great time. Please speak to someone soon there really is loads of help out there and you are definitely not on your own probably half the people you know have similar problems it's just that no one shares.

All the very best to you for the future.

[WantToChange]

I know how you feel. When I was at uni, I was serious about leaving in first year after I got a couple of seriously bad results. I was stressed all the way through and at times was expecting to fail. But I got a 2:1 in the end in a science honors degree. I am proud of that.

It's so easy to come out of an exam and think badly. The adrenaline has worn off leaving you mentally and physically exhausted. You need to take a step back at that point. And obviously you are dealing with emotions from the breakup. So it's all hitting you pretty hard at the moment, but unfortunately that's life. It gets more manageable again at some point.

What you really need is to enjoy christmas and give yourself a break. Uni is mentally and socially exhausting. It takes a toll which a lot of people don't realise. Some folk think it's all about drinking, but it's pretty damn stressful if you're serious about getting a good grade.

I think the cruise would be a good idea - get some sunlight! Top up the vit D and brighten up your life, literally! Think about how nice and fun the cruise would be, and then think about whether you should miss out on something great

[DavidOxford]

Everything you've said seems logical to us when we reason it at the time of severe depression but you're near the beginning of a long life and you have so much more to offer than your brain is telling you. Depression for me is like a negative person standing beside me, whispering dark thoughts in my ear to trick me and undermine my confidence. Don't allow it to undermine yours because your self-image at the moment is false and fed by those nasty thoughts.

Of course, no-one is perfect but I don't know you and you engaged me and I instantly identified with you. That to me is a massively positive thing you've done, just by a piece of writing. I feel that I know you because of how you've described your feelings. I'd love you to slowly remember all of the positive things about you that yourself and many others clearly know you have.

I hope that you manage this difficult time of your life and trust me that there are much better times ahead. I understand how tough it is though. Let me know how things go.

Best wishes

David

[Olderal]

Firstly you must see your GP or preferably a Campus Medic. Some very ,very strong people could come through your problems on their own but almost certainly you.as with most of us need some help. The odds are very much you can't do this on your own.

You sound as if you have depression . Not the end of the world. Lots of us have it and lead pretty useful and productive lives, of which large parts are happy.

You will eventually come throgh this even without medical help but time spent in this state can not be regained altogether easily. Wine (and all drink) should be a big no no except in moderation , if you have depression. Medial help will get you out of this quicker.

Now the medics will help you but a lot is still unknown. However certain things are known to help apart from anything you'll get from the medics. Regular sleep patterns, certainly not much alcohol ,and definitely no recreational drugs, regular exercise preferably in company so there is a commitment and social contact , There are lots of other things check out the internet and do a lot of reading about it , but don't get into too much self analysis. Some of the internet advice will be contradictory , its a very difficult condition.

Posting on this forum was also a good move ,between us we've been through most things.

best of luck Olderal

[Hidden]

Hi everyone, sorry for the late response I haven't been on here. I would like to thank you all so much for your support! It means a lot to me. Didn't think anybody would respond. I have done a lot of thinking and have taken your advice and I set up an appointment with a gp. Everybody has been so understanding and caring and it really helped me want to come out from this place of darkness. I wont give up, I realize that my situation doesn't have to mean the end of the world. I may not have everything figured out yet, but in the mean time I can and have started to consciously adjust some of my thoughts. Negativity only makes you sink deeper into that hole. I feel better and will do everything it takes to rise above it all.

You have all been so helpful. Talking to someone makes such a huge difference. You have all inspired me to keep moving no matter how hard it seems. The little steps do make a difference. Thank you for your kindness.

[David196]

Hi.

Thank you for such a positive response.

You seem to have found a way to deal with the negativity you were expressing earlier.

Hang on to that and recognise it as an approach you can do again if required.

You include so many positive phrases in your reply above. So different from your first post.

I'm glad you found support here.

Vent and share more if it going to help.

Your posts do help us all too.

Cheers

Dave

[Hidden in reply to David196]

Hi Dave

Thanks so much. I am glad they help. I hope you are well. Was trying not to be so down on myself all the time. And being optimistic is great but can only do so much. Reality has a nasty way of creeping back in unfortunately. Found out I didn't make it to Honors. Worst fears confirmed. Thinking of what I can do with my life now. Gonna have to start over. 4 years, gone. Don't have any regrets, learnt a lot. But now it's like well what now? So yeah, decided to focus on my other passions like cooking. Gonna apply at a Culinary school. Hoping for the best. One thing that I cannot do is stay at home doing nothing. I would feel redundant. I feel horrible but gonna just have to exhaust every option. Still gotta tell my Mom and I know how much she cares and worries. So I'm gonna make a plan B first then gently lay it on her.

Hope you have a lovely day

A.

[David196 in reply to Hidden]

Optimism is tough for me. I don't want to hope too much cos reality creeps in again as you said yourself.

Pragmatism is sometimes the best we can do and your comments above demonstrate that.

"Worst fears confirmed" you have accepted that and appear to be moving on the the next phase.

Start over. no regrets. learnt a lot what now.

I cant think of a more pragmatic approach to deal with most circumstances and life.

There is positivity and strength in there too. Hoping for the best and preparing for all sorts of other stuff.

Feeling horrible and being prepared to do every option is courageous too.

Even if you cant come up with a plan B have a good chat with your Mum. If you haven't got plans that can be scary and exciting at the same time.

You have shared some tough stuff with strangers, that's good practice for the more difficult conversations with family and established relationships.

Let her know it has been tough but you are coping better again.

And if you're not sure about the cruise yet, let her know just that, you're not sure but want it to be good for everyone and may need space.

Some Mums need to care and worry so let her know she still can.

Get the support you need from family and friends while you are going well cos the more difficult times are still out there along with the fun and learning.

I am having a lovely day, thanks.

Your message has helped

Cheers

Dave

[bexx87]

Hi,

Ive just graduated from my level 4 HNC in computing and I work and I feel like I have no-one to talk to, I feel like every friendship I make ends in disaster so there is no point but I have an urge to talk to people but don't want to be a pain. I also suffer from anxiety which Im on meds for and depression which I was on meds for but am not longer on them, when I was 13 I also suffered from insomnia so your not alone