Caring for a disabled partner

I've been feeling very low and not sleeping despite using medication. There is a never ending set of responsibilities and they are affecting the way I view things.

[Hidden]

There are carers groups all over the country, it may be an idea to talk with your GP and ask to be seen by Social Services to discuss the patient and the problems looking after Him are causing. Generally they can arrange day centres for the Patient and also for carers. These centres will allow you to get out of the house for a few hours and do shopping and possibly visiting friends and relatives.

If you are having problems and need aids to help you care an Occupational Therapist can be called in to provide aids for the bathroom, kitchen and bedroom. You may also be entitled to more benefits to assist in caring. A mobility allowance may be given.

With me I had to adapt our new home and provide myself with a new bathroom and extend a bedroom, VAT was refunded and rates were also reduced one point as we had to purchase the next door bungalow to allow us to make the property livable in with a disability. They will also provide grips, attachments for toilets and possibly equipment to get in and out of the bath. ETC.

All is worth a try and some aids may make it easier to get around and make life easier for you.

When you buy aids for the house sometimes it is possible to purchase zero rated Vat that can be refunded or you can claim back this money yourself. Many companies will in fact sell zero rated when we are disabled

Good Luck, If you need to chat you know where we are

BOB

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for your quick response. I'll keep in touch

Richard

[Findingme]

In what way are your thoughts being affected? Are small worries becoming much bigger in your mind, or are you having problems with decision making, or anything like that?

[Hidden in reply to Findingme]

You have it. This is exactly the problem despite medication from my GP.

I rarely get a good nights sleep its become a vicious circle.

Richard

[Findingme in reply to Hidden]

Me too. Although it is my old cat that is keeping me up at the moment. I often am up at 2 am and 5 am, then he sleeps all day, and wants me to hold him. I know it is not the same as a person, but the effects of the lack of sleep are the same. What worries me is that my Mum has dementia, and my Dad is dealing with the same with her. He refuses to get in any help so I feel pulled in two at the moment. If anything else goes wrong there is no backup. I am also not working and need a job. Dad is tired too, and I think he is also finding it hard to see alternatives. What is the answer?

[Hidden in reply to Findingme]

Your parents need support talk to your GP there may be some way of Social Services helping. Don't feel a loss of pride that's not the case. Sleep deprivation causes so many problems for me its stress how about you.

[Findingme in reply to Hidden]

Me? Poor decision making, vulnerable to pressure, reliant on things like caffeine, tv, Internet which all contribute to Poe sleeping habits even more. Sick cat disturbs sleep as it cries at night, then dad complains about lie ins, and I'm also worried about setting bad example to my daughter. I have issues with delegating and admitting defeat possibly because my pride has been hurt by life events and family criticism. When I go ask, everyone is more concerned about my parents, rightly maybe but inside I am screaming out for a bit of emotional support too. I am supposed to be fine and have no needs, or be able to meet all my own needs. I am not that strong.

[Findingme in reply to Findingme]

What is frustrating is that my Dad refuses help because he finds it intrusive. I think he has become antisocial to a high degree and resistant to change. I suppose it is understandable if he can get away with it and I allow him to rely on me, but given that I feel so low myself it has been a bad combination that suits my siblings better than anyone. It has been really wearing me down and making my anxiety so much worse. I wonder if he would say the same about me though.

[honey828]

the same thing is happening to me, I don't sleep because I have a son who is on drugs and lives with me. My depression is so bad that I don't even go out. When you have to much on your mind this is going to happen. People tell you move forward how can you do it. I feel for you and wish I had a answer because I am also looking for one. Hope you feel better.

[Findingme in reply to honey828]

I feel for you too. It is a horrible situation to be in. Hope things improve for you soon. Big hugs.

[Findingme in reply to honey828]

I did look into codependency recently, to understand how I might be contributing to the problem. I bought a book about how not to continue enabling your adult children. It was quite educational, but required a strong mind to put into practice. The problem I find is that having gone down the path of supporting a child or parent, it can be really hard to change without someone or something new coming into the equation. Especially if you are already low on energy. What it does do is make me feel worse in a way because I am supposed to read a book and change my life, and it is not that simple (or do you think it is?). So many of these self help ideas are easier said than done, without someone holding your hand.

I'm trying to implement little bits as and when I can, but I am so used to feeling guilty and acting out of a position of fear that I might make things worse, that I find doing the 'right thing' difficult, especially when the family know all my weaknesses. They are good at getting what they want.

I suffer from low self esteem and find it so hard to put my needs anywhere in the forefront of my thoughts. I think maybe I should get counseling before trying to tackle the next step. Any ideas who to call?