My civil partner is depressed.

Hi my civil partner he's been diagnosed with depression. She has ended our 7 year relationship, as one day I snapped and shouted at her. She said I have done the damage. She has moved away. She has no feelings, emotions or love for anyone. That means me her kids, our pets her mum etc. What can I do. I am so hurt. Thank you.

[Hidden]

Hi.

I am so sorry to hear what you're going through right now, truly my heart goes out to you.

I guess the first thing to do would be to make sure they're getting the help they need. If they've been diagnosed I'm guessing they've already been in a dialogue with their GP. This might take the form of medication, counselling, talking therapy to address unhelpful thinking patterns and/or the root of their depression... I believe the latter two are far more important and beneficial than antidepressant medication.

I know from experience, severe depression can lead you to isolate yourself from the people you're closest to. It's important to remember this is not who the person is. Deep down I'm sure your civil partner still feels exactly the same about you. Don't give up hope.

Ultimately I suppose the best you can do is let them know they still have your unconditional love and support.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your reply. She said it's probably depression talking. She thinks deep down she probably lives me. I was horrible when I shouted at her. I had a feeling she was low in mood. I've told her I love her and she keeps saying the damage is done. My counsellor says it was not my fault. 

[Stilltrying_ in reply to Hidden]

Hi there, it may take some time for you to find out what is really going on and how you both feel but it is not usual for someone to lose all feeling for their partner, parents, children pets, without some sort of an illness. If it was just you she had lost feelings for  then I would suggest maybe there was someone else involved but this sounds different, like your partner has an illness and needs all the help and support she can get right now.

You need to hold your own feelings of rejection at bay (no matter how hard that is) and just be there if required and not if required. Also make sure that you apologise most sincerely for losing your temper but do not expect her to warm to you straightaway. If anything turns out differently then of course you are within your rights to feel rejected but she says she still loves you deep down; so just be patient with her. 

Gemma 

[Hidden in reply to Stilltrying_]

Thank you gemma. I have apologized lots. It was the first time in all the time we were together that I shouted. She feels empty and no emotions towards anyone. My counsellor has said that me shouting was a catalyst, of Laura being different towards me. She has been gone a week, but is texting g .She does not seem keen on going to a counsellor, but I have tried to persuade her. She is also on sertralene tablets. 50mg. I am here for her it's so hard though.

[Hidden in reply to Stilltrying_]

Hi gemma. Update is Laura said the change of scenery is doing her good. She told my friend she isn't coming back to . Is it possible that it is the depression talking? 

[Stilltrying_ in reply to Hidden]

Yes it's possible.

You say she's been diagnosed with depression so that could be the reason or maybe she was unhappy and unable to tell you before.  I understand that you are feeling hurt and bewildered by her behaviour but it isn't possible for anyone on here to second guess why she is doing this, 

You just need to be patient and give her time. 

x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hi thomas. Did you loose feeling and love for those close to you,?

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hiya, my Internet situation at home is a bit ropy at the moment so can't always get online!

Yes, to an extent. I have a very close relationship with my family and tended to isolate myself from them quite a lot, which they found hard. Severe depression can really leave one in an emotional void, even for things and people that under "normal" circumstances would be the most important things in one's life. It can be a very destructive thing.

I always try to retain an empathetic outlook, to consider what my actions and behaviours have on others. However I recently got a first-hand experience of how it is to be shut out by a loved one when they're in a really dark place. It is very upsetting. I let my own feelings of hurt and betrayal get in the way, which made things worse. I think Gemma put it very well, that you have to try to put aside whatever hurt it is causing you and just be as supportive as you can to the person you love. Don't beat yourself up too much about losing your rag with your partner; we're all human! By the sounds of it there is still hope for the two of you. It can be a long road to recovery but I have a feeling things'll work out for the better!

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hi thomas, I doubt very much if Laura will be back. She has moved away and has arranged to see the doctor where she is living. She hasn't replied to my text, but text me to say hope I'm ok. She still has her clothes etc to collect. I just hope she changes her mind x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hi Andrea,

I know things must look really bleak for you at the moment. But it is promising that she is still in contact, right? Perhaps she just needs this space to herself for now while she sorts things out.

In my admittedly limited experience, things rarely turn out as bad as we think they will. Don't give up hope

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

It just seems final that she is settling in up north. I love her 

[aj36]

Hi andrea46, if you still love her lots, you could try telling her you still love her and you will be here for her no matter what. She might not be ready for any emotional or physical contact whilst she's feeling low, but I'm sure it is reassuring for her to know that someone still cares and isn't giving up on her. 

In the meantime, pls take care of yourself by doing other activities you love or loved ones who require your attention. It's not easy for sure, but they are great ways to keep you occupied. 

AJ

[BettyA]

You say your counselor says its not your fault... I am just surprised that a therapist would 'take sides'... I am truly sorry for the hurt you feel, and wish your counselor would offer you some really helpful suggestions... Has this counselor also met your partner? Would you and your partner be willing to go together to work things out... even if their is no 'getting back together' ... If there are children involved, oh my... for their sake, you at least deserve some kind of 'closure'... because 'who's fault it is' really doesn't matter in the end. Honestly! Been there, done that. It's about Letting Go without bringing blame into it. And I know you can do it! Best wishes.

[snowchudd]

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