shud i leave or stay at home

Pls help me to decide after hearing my story!

I am ram aged 22 years old(male)

I had a hard childhood ,my father made me to experience like hell..he screwed my life severely becos of his character,behaviour and the way he speak... i know myself that i have a great person within but i cant able to bring that person out..becos of the reason that my dad discourages me a lot..he had said infront of my face like, your life is a failure..and he also superstitiously believes that his dad died becos of my birth.. now i am an IT employee he shows me fake love only when he needs money... but becos of him, the impact over my life caused too much of damages like,

i cant able to socialize with people, i dont know to talk good, even if i speak,people hate and bored with my speech...i dont even know to make understand people what i talk...i dont even know to react when someone talks bad abt me, this all happened becos i had spend my entire life till now just for feeling for a bad dad..i am behaving wierd..i am trying to change, but my dad mentally affects me..his presence always feels like discouraging me..

now pls help me to decide, whether shud i start staying with my friends or again with my failed family..the only thing stopping me to stay at home is bcos of my mom..

but if i cant able to socialize with people, i am damm sure that i cant become a good husband and a good dad because i wont even know how to talk with my wife or kids..if i stay with my friends, i feel like there is a possibility of socializing with them..

what you think..

pls help me to make a decision......

6 Replies

  • Knowing when to walk away IS WISDOM,

    Being able to do so. IS COURAGE ,

    Walking away with your head held high. IS DIGNITY.

  • hi, so u mean to stay away from my home? i feel your reply says like that so?

  • Hello

    Your Family I suppose is very like mine and in a way I would initially advise you consider the positives and negatives of the situation you find yourself in before that final decision.

    You are now at an age where many leave home although at this time you need financial independence that will allow you to pay your share of the rent, if you move into rented shared apartment, etc.

    In my situation I left home at about twenty six and it was not easy to support my new life style as we were saving too purchase a new home as we of course were paying rent as well. So you need to consider your best way forward at this time of your life. In my case I had to button my lip for a number of years, until I found out if I had the monitory where for all before, by accident, I moved out over an extended period of time.

    If you feel the need at this time you could ask the Council or other organisations for property availability in various areas you live in.

    I do not understand your situation regards getting on with associates and friends, only you know how you react to people in general. If you are confrontational you will need to learn how to tow the line with those you will live with as you will need some form of agreement in writing to protect yourself from being thrown out if this partnership does not work you will find it really hard to find a new place to rest your head.

    Personally I do not feel anyone on here can advise on what you need too do, all I can advise is if you are having problems with depression, have words with your GP. Support may be available although not promised by Social Services who may arrange some form of assistance to get you on the straight and narrow. With rented properties

    If your problem, regards family is so bad there will possibly be no help from there. It may be the attitude of good riddance from your Father, that is why I say be careful if money is an issue.

    If you need support we are always around so keep in touch. If you feel you are in any form of danger you will need to reassess your needs and act upon them as your needs dictate

    Good Luck


  • Please never blame yourself for your dads behaviour, he has damaged your ability to live as a normal healthy human being. You must realise that it isn't your fault and you deserve to live a happy normal life... IT IS YOUR RIGHT!!! ( do not let anyone put you down or speak to you in a bad way, nobody has the right to do so. Please stand up for yourself and have courage. As for your dad... he is a control freak. i would certainly be looking for somewhere else to live before he destroys your well being completely. Good luck

  • Hi Ram no one can advise you to stay or leave as that depends on your circumstancs ie whether you are working and can afford it.

    All I will say is that I didn't get on with my family either and I left home at 18 to go 200 miles away :) Good luck with your decision. x

  • Hi Ram,

    I know exactly how you feel. My dad wasn't like that but i had family/cousins and friends who always put me down and made me feel low. My advice would be to take courage to break free not from your dad but from your gremlins and take courage to stand up to it with reason and logic as violence and shouting never resolves anything. As you are married the best thing to do is move out and start a life of your own and slowly start spending qaulity time with your family and friends. Also let your mum know she is welcome to visit or stay. if your dad starts to get involved in your new house then draw the line, that's why I say to take courage to break free from your gremlins.

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