Here Again

[John79962]

I posted here last probably just under a year ago, and now I'm here again. I don't really know what to say, I wish I could stay dedicated to something for longer than a couple of months but I just lose touch.

Anyways this is kinda to vent some things so here goes;

I've just finished my first year of university, last time I posted I was a few months from finishing A levels and things have really changed. For a long while I thought I was fine, just going along with life working on things that I needed to get done (coursework etc,) but now I've finished I'm starting to worry about things again.

See when I moved into halls I was unsure of what to expect, but found myself in a flat of wonderful people who all got on well and we've had good times, its just I tend to have trouble connecting with people I always have. I'll meet a new group of people, we'll get on fine and the year would travel its course, but at the end where everyone else seems to be such good friends, I still feel like I only know a little bit about them.

At the end of the day, I feel like the outcast as if sometimes there is nowhere I truly belong and I am so fucking sick of that feeling, I really have tried, I work really hard and all but I'm still a reclusive quiet person that most people know very little about. And so when I finish my coursework for this year (Like I have) it hits me hard, I have two good friends on my course and some acquaintances. And my flatmates who I wish I got on better with.

On top of that, I'm doing a course which specializes in nothing, focusing on a very competitive industry and I have absolutely no idea still what I want to do. I want to do things but I feel like I'll probably just lose the energy and interest, I honestly don't get it. If I'm set a project or a goal, I'll work and work and work till its as good as I can get it. But the minute that I'm like 'I should try and do some stuff over the holidays' I will just put it off and off and off until I start the next term.

I thought I was comfortable with who I am but at the moment I really don't know anymore, I wish I did but I just feel a mixture of being lost and being bored.

[wallflower_fairy]

Hey John you've caught me when I happened to be on. And it's good to 'see' you because I've missed you (although of course, it's a shame to see you're feeling down at the moment). First of all, don't worry about coming online all the time - this forum is designed to be there if and when we need it. I flit in and out all the time and it's only by chance I caught you posting just now. Also, well done for completing your first year at university, that's no walk in the park.

I have a few thoughts regarding your post which I'd like to share but at this precise moment I'm not in the best position to do so (I need to eat for a start). But I'll be on later (today) and help in whatever way I can, or just be there. Whatever you need. In the meantime if you need anything or want to talk just private message me.

Hugs,

xxxx

[Stilltrying_]

Hello John I remember you, and you express so eloquently how you feel; please don't forget that. You sound sensitive which I see as a positive quality by the way; the end of term is bound to be an emotional time as it is a transition between one thing and another; I am the same; I'm very different in "holiday periods" (including weekends which can be troublesome but not always nowadays i'm pleased to say; nothing grand; just that they don't always feel so difficult as they did); and workaday periods.

I can relate to that feeling of being a little on the sidelines; it will just be your opinion of yourself rather than something actual; some folk have a great way of deluding themselves (in a positive sense) and others tend to be a little more critical or analytical of themselves.

I don't know if it helps but from an oldie ( I am nearing 57 now) to a young one with a sensitive nature I would say that we are all different and self acceptance is maybe the way to go; relish and relax in the person you are; life would be boring if we were all the same. That is not to diminish the distressing thoughts you are having; more I am advocating an acceptance of the ebbs and flows of emotion and of life; you will have a range of feelings at different times and nothing lasts forever, our emotions will change.

I hope this helps a little. I'm finding it harder to reply nowadays to people because I 'm feeling a little better myself so I hope i'm not out of kilter with how you're feeling; not wishing to diminish I promise.

Gemma XX