I posted here last probably just under a year ago, and now I'm here again. I don't really know what to say, I wish I could stay dedicated to something for longer than a couple of months but I just lose touch.
Anyways this is kinda to vent some things so here goes;
I've just finished my first year of university, last time I posted I was a few months from finishing A levels and things have really changed. For a long while I thought I was fine, just going along with life working on things that I needed to get done (coursework etc,) but now I've finished I'm starting to worry about things again.
See when I moved into halls I was unsure of what to expect, but found myself in a flat of wonderful people who all got on well and we've had good times, its just I tend to have trouble connecting with people I always have. I'll meet a new group of people, we'll get on fine and the year would travel its course, but at the end where everyone else seems to be such good friends, I still feel like I only know a little bit about them.
At the end of the day, I feel like the outcast as if sometimes there is nowhere I truly belong and I am so fucking sick of that feeling, I really have tried, I work really hard and all but I'm still a reclusive quiet person that most people know very little about. And so when I finish my coursework for this year (Like I have) it hits me hard, I have two good friends on my course and some acquaintances. And my flatmates who I wish I got on better with.
On top of that, I'm doing a course which specializes in nothing, focusing on a very competitive industry and I have absolutely no idea still what I want to do. I want to do things but I feel like I'll probably just lose the energy and interest, I honestly don't get it. If I'm set a project or a goal, I'll work and work and work till its as good as I can get it. But the minute that I'm like 'I should try and do some stuff over the holidays' I will just put it off and off and off until I start the next term.
I thought I was comfortable with who I am but at the moment I really don't know anymore, I wish I did but I just feel a mixture of being lost and being bored.