I've been spending the last couple of days at my mother's house. As I write this post, I am nursing a heavy cold and sore throat, for which I am neither seeking medical advice or sympathy for.
My problem and the reason why I am posting is inevitably depression based !
I decided this morning that I wouldn't accompany my parents to my brothers house for lunch. My symptoms had worsened this morning ( high temperature) and having spent the last couple of nights on an air mattress in the living room decided with beds free at last after house guests had left to retreat to an upstairs bedroom to convalese.
I sent a text message to my brother (who had been staying at mum's too but had left early to prepare a lunch at his house) thanking him for his lovely pressies and suggesting a meet up in due course; to which his response was 'let's not' ! This sharp retort is based I think upon his notion that I am selfish and indulge myself due to my battle with depression.
He will no doubt be dissappointed and I can understand that. I would in a similar situation, if I had been hosting. He has recently moved house and is keen to show it off I think. But what he doesnt appreaciate is that I make a supreme effort on a daily basis and am fearful of withdrawing and not doing what is expected of me. As someone that has experienced clinical depression over 20 years (I'm 43) I have found it difficult sometimes to motivate myself to attend various events/ social gatherings etc.. I have little money and few opportunities to attend things anyway but don't miss very much these days.
I'm not married and without a partner or significant other and by default spend Xmas at my mothers house with Mum. Dad and brother also visit and stayed Xmas Eve and Christmas night. I find it difficult to spend that period with just immediate family, but know that I if I didn't I would be on my own, in my own house.
Mum goes to an awful lot of trouble and it's important to be around those you love, as time is precious and soon runs out ! It's just that I find it so difficult too !
I need to break with tradition next. Year. I love my family but the interaction between a small family group where there are unresolved problems at least as far as I am concerned makes it difficult.
I feel my brother monopolises my parents attention and I feel left out. We are both sensitive and the competition to 'shine' is tangible, whether my brother choose to acknowledge it or not.
Thank you for getting this far, I know this post is excessively long. This forum is such a great way to get all this out of my system.
I wish all subscribers of health unlocked a happy Boxing Day ! And in the words of Dr Fraisier Crane. 'Good Mental Health' for 2015.
Damian
Written by
villeneuve1979
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Look Damian you got through it! Shows you have more power than you think.
I spent this year alone and in someways it was a relief. I come from a big family and despite my sending up expensive presents not a single one could find the time to thank me or wish me Merry Christmas.
People are self absorbed and they don't see you struggle and even if they do somehow their problems are supremely more important. I feel for you, like you I have no family of my own and it seems to be a prime opportunity for you to be disregarded.
On the plus side it has shown us both we need better and maybe can plan to do something different next year. We have a whole new year to play with soon and history doesn't always have to repeat itself.
Maybe with another few months of therapy or another year, you will be in a stronger place and able to put yourself first. You and I don't know the bigger picture but maybe all this happens to allow good stuff to come in.
What amazes me about some people is they are so precious about their own feelings but couldn't give a stuff about yours. All you need is you, faith in you, oh your good days you can achieve a great deal and build on that.
Ive chosen to think stuff my family and enjoy indulging myself with stuff I like to to today.
Tell me something because Ive always be interested (if you don't mind) if money where no object what would you be/do in your life, what career/life would you have. People give such vastly different answers
Anyway at least from me Merry Christmas and hope things improve for you.
Hi Caroline, thank you for your reply. I've also read a couple more of your posts. Inc the 'fat Santa post ', which made me laugh. I like Xmas slightly less with each passing year. The problem is we all need a rest and break if were fortunate to have so free time over Xmas, but spending it with your family isn't necessarily conducive to achieving that !
I need to plan well in advance for next year, so that I can do something I really want to do ! 'A break with tradition for next year at least will do me the power of good'
If I had more cash, I'd build a number of covered or indoor tennis courts as I'm a tennis coach and for the most part plying my trade in all weathers outside. It would relieve the emotional and financial turmoil due to hours being cancelled etc.. If I had a very larger windfall I would donate a sizeable amount to York Mind. I fundraise and would help to get more counsel let's extra services on board etc..
What jigsaw are you working on at the mo ? Do you do the impossibly difficult ones like the 5000 piece baked bean puzzles etc .. D X
ooooh you called me out, I havent even started the jigsaw and may have left it too late...grrr
Im so pleased you seem in a better place already.
Umm covered courts, the answers there somewhere isnt it. Thrash this out with me a little, how many covered courts are there already in your area? I mean could you do a wrekky, how many private gyms, council leisure centres.
Im no master mind when it comes to businesses but I have helped some small businesses and I work for myself so I know feeding from the bottom up is tiring and difficult.
You know how the government are trying to get us all fitter and have put some money in this stuff, getting more weight watchers clubs up and running and actively getting dieticians to refer. Could you do some kind of deal with the council to help fat people lose weight ask for a discount or free court rental in council run leisure centres by way of exchange for those or private clients?
I dont have the answers but feel around, I dont see why your mental health charity work and your love of sport shouldn't be part of your business. Could you talk to the council about creating a course specifically for their mental health patients by introducing (gently) sport.
My God Damian I want to see you thrive, kick this thing up the jacksy and into full ....but fun production and who knows next year might be Christmas in Hawaii teaching Tennis to depressives!
Do you think their are any people who have private tennis courts in their house? The reason I ask is because I have spoken to people who have private pools etc who bemoan the fact that because they are away all the time working their facilities never get used. Someone like that might even let you use the space for nothing in exchange for a bit of gardening or something I dont know, or just to have someone on the grounds whilst they are away.
The answer is there isnt Damien I know you can feel it, you just need to out of the box, what do they call it blue skying thinking. Maybe you could meditate on it.
So what are you saying you're after my jigsaw...tsk is nothing sacred! ...lol.
Tennis?! Boy am I ever rubbish at Tennis I only know badminton and so use my wrist...ouch.
And everyone knows in Badmington you have time to make a cuppa char before the shuttle comes down again Hoorah!
Ironically, I'm getting to spend apart of Christmas by myself, and like the Depeche Mode 'enjoying the silence'
Actually yes. I do want your jigsaw. When I was a child 'doing a jigsaw' was offered as as solution by my mother as an antidote to my childish boredom. I never knew what to do if the weather was bad and I couldn't play outside. I can only remember completing one puzzle, and that of HMS Victory! I was never patient enough to persist with them . Do you find the process of completing them therapeutic ? The schitzophrenic f2 in Holby City, is a big jig saw fan .
Love badminton, I once played regularly with a septuagenarian in a village hall. He could expertly hit any shot between one of three triangles that formed part of the wooden beamed roof. He run me tagged whilst calling out his next short ' forehand lob, equilateral triangle in the middle'.
Yes, I will build my covered court of dreams and they will all come. Business is slow at this time of year and inevitably affected by the wether but after the winter Solstice the days are getting longer again , which is comforting !
I might celebrate the old Roman festivsl of Saturnalia next year instead of Xmas. Do you know much about it check it out !
Back up young fella me lad, what What are you talking about?!!
Septuagenarian isn't that one of those greenish tanks with toads in it and wilting foliage?! Or some form of star sign for September involving a horse and a toad?
And aren't Saturnalia those 20 Denier tights with the criss cross pattern? Im completely lost.
First Im going to tell Hannah (PhotoGeek) on you and then YOUR MUM, after my Jigsaw indeed.
I suspect thats how the first World War started, wasn't Gavrilo Princip doing a Ravensburger Jigsaw (a view of Hammersmith High Street), to wit the Austria-Hungarian Pretender had the last piece in his pocket...the slithery blighter, so had to in all fairness be shot!
Bev's the one to ask there isn't much she doesn't know.
Why is it Young Damien that when I read your reply it is with the voice of Jeeves or maybe Wooooster in my head.
Tennis Badmington.... OFF with their heads
You won't get any sense out of me now I've only eaten Chocolate cake AND I'm going to have Orange juice....anyone got an advance on the reasons for the start of the first World War....
Thanks for the reply Danny, I can call you Danny cant I
Thanks Hannah, there is a theory that if you think of history/ the past in often enough in a certain way....scenerio if you like, your brain accepts that as the truth.
So if you and I think and believe in the Jigsaw (starting the 1st World War) scenerio in time it may end up in the history books, well at least I like to think so anyway....ha ha.
Sometimes when Im tired and especially after chocolate cake and orange juice I lose my rather tenous (alright how are we spelling tenous these days?!!!...grrrr) grip on reality and luckily on here I can find fellow adventurers willing to come along with me
Onward and Upward young Hannah....Onward and Upward
Yeah but I dont want to be the youngest again it sucks! I'll be Grandpa then EVERYONE will have to listen to me and do as I say (well look it worked on the Waltons!).
Bev you do so know alot! Ive seen your exercise book and its choccka!
Listen I do sort of feel Ive over run young Damians post.
I am with you and your thoughts and feelings 100%.
Michelle 74 x
From experience I find it is much better to be with those you love even though it can be difficult than be on your own unloved and unwanted. I get the second one now and that's a killer. Bev x
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My family are bitches to me!
I just want a break..
Should I bin my dysfunctional parents?
